Alyx sits in the dingy gray cubicle, hot salty tears pouring in cascades down her cheeks. She stares at the dark red trickle seeping out from underneath her delicate fingers. She gazes down at her pale white blouse speckled with blood.
Alyx cries.
******
Its a sunny day, Alyx Cole is smiling, she does that a lot. Alyx Cole is different from the other girls, its not obvious though. She hides it well.
Alyx smiles across at Mary and makes another joke. Mary doesn’t laugh, no one laughs. She feels the familiar flush of embarrassment rise up inside her and wishes she could stop talking. She doesn’t, instead she keeps talking and joking and laughing.
Alyx feels isolated, she wonders what it must be like to be happy, truly happy. She misses Kristen; she wishes she could talk to her. She wishes Kristen wasn’t friends with Julia. Alyx hates Julia; Julia ruined Alyx's life.

It all started three years ago. At first Julia was nice to Alyx, they quickly became close friends. But Julia was quick to dominate Alyx. She did this subtly, cut Alyx off from her other friends, slowly without Alyx even realizing. Whenever Alyx was with her she would put her down, make her feel small. She used Alyx, keeping her isolated from her friends whilst staying friends with them herself. Julia would often break up with Alyx for no reason, be cruel and spiteful to her, then apologize. Alyx would always take her back. Alyx was weak.
Soon Julia began to control Alyx’s life, Alyx couldn’t make plans without Julia intervening. If Alyx ever went out with other friends Julia would insist on coming or would simply forbid her from going, not directly, but with the powerful threat of ending their friendship.
Alyx felt trapped, completely dominated by Julia. The few friends Alyx had left began to drift away from her, Alyx could do nothing to get them back, she didn’t know how to. Alyx was powerless.
Alyx met Kirsten when she was happy, before Julia had complete power over her life and her friendships. Kristen wasn’t cool she was shy and slightly overweight, whereas Alyx was pretty, slim and outgoing. Alyx and Kristen became friends; they liked the same music and doing the same things. Alyx quickly became close to Kristen, but along with Alyx came Julia, who couldn’t stand the thought of Alyx having another close friend.
Kristen had always been self-conscious about her weight, although it didn’t bother Alyx, it bothered Julia because Kristin’s weight made her passive, she even looked up to Alyx, though she respected her as a friend. Julia didn’t like this and set her mind to changing Kristen forever, she succeeded by making her feel guilty about her weight. Kristen soon wanted to be more like Julia than Alyx and loosing weight helped her achieve her goal.
Kristen drifted further away from Alyx she was more self-confident, made new friends, changed her image and her personality. As Alyx became more isolated Kristen became more independent. Alyx was happy for her, for a while.
As Kristen became more confident she became increasingly more like Julia, putting Alyx down, having a go at her for no reason, making her feel small, worthless. Alyx tried everything to remain close to Kristen. It was hopeless, Kristen had changed, this made Julia happy. Kristen and Alyx remained friends, but Alyx was alone. The more depressed Alyx became, the harder she pretended she was happy, the more jokes she made, and the more she laughed and smiled. She had to convince not only the people around her that she was happy; she had to convince herself as well.
The last once of personal strength Alyx had left, she used to rid herself of Julia, to regain her life and build up her self-confidence. Alyx failed.
Julia still had control over Alyx’s life and no matter how much she tried to hide this fact, it showed. People didn’t care, Kristen didn’t care. She knew how Julia had hurt Alyx, yet still remained openly friendly with her. Julia took great pleasure in this, she didn’t like Kristen, simply used her to get to Alyx. Julia was good at mind games. Julia was barely aware of just how good she was.
Alyx became isolated from the world around her, she felt empty, she had no feeling or emotion. Trapped inside the false image she had created for herself. Hid her pain behind smiles, hid her anguish under long sleeves.
Alyx wasn’t sure why she began cutting herself. The first time was after Julia ignored her, again for no reason. She tried to follow Julia, find out what she had done wrong. Again, she was ignored, ignored by everyone.
Alyx was angry; frustration had built up over the years. Every cruel word and bitter action from Julia was like a thousand knives stabbing her body, but she couldn’t control the pain. She wanted to scream, kick and punch Julia until she bled forgiveness. Alyx knew she couldn’t, she wouldn’t dare.
She needed to release the anger somehow, it wasn’t planned, she just did it, felt better for it. Her rage subsided as he felt the sharp pain in her arm. The world seemed calmer, more organized. As she patched up the wounds, she felt as though a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders, she felt real, like she has a purpose. Alyx couldn’t explain it, Alyx couldn’t justify it and Alyx couldn’t stop it.
It was like a drug and she was addicted. Every false smile every snide remark, it all needed compensation. She couldn’t release her pain and anger on those around her so she hurt herself. She hurt herself every day, she thought she controlled the pain, only she didn’t, Julia did, like she controlled every aspect of Alex’s like, in one way or another. Everything Julia said or did to hurt Alyx reflected on those around her and branched out to create the misery that surrounded her pathetic life.
Alyx was a mess, a frail shell of a person with no real life, no real friends and no real feeling. Behind the smiles and the forced laughter there were the tears, the tears and the scars. The deep red gashes that crises-crossed her body, Alyx had always been beautiful. Beauty is only skinning deep.
Alyx hated her body, she hated her life, she hated Julia, she hated Kristen, but most of all Alyx Cole hated herself.
*****

Alyx stops crying. She stares blankly at the cubicle wall, not wanting to focus on her wrists. She feels the blood trickle through her fingers; she hears it drip to the floor. Time seems to slow down, Alyx Cole slumps forward. Time stops. Time stopped forever for Alyx Cole.
Alyx Cole has many names, Alyx Cole might be me. Alyx Cole could be you.