I am anorexic, those words still haunt me and always will. I don't mean to cry about how "bad" my life is. I know now, that it's really not bad at all, I have it good. I am a spoiled little girl who gets everything she asks for. I know how good I have it and some people out there don't even have food. And so they would probably think that I am crazy that I actually WANT to starve myself. Well, I have become addicted to it. It's like a drug. I have to lose weight. I love the feel of hunger pain. It's like a high for me. I know what I am saying sounds weird and you really don't understand. And I hope you never do. Yeah, woop-ty-do, I am thin. Who cares? I learned that the hard way. Every woman in this world sits around and obsesses over trying to be thin. That’s our life goal, and why? Because once you get this "thinness" that everyone dies for, no one likes you any better. Actually for me some people like me less now that I have reached this goal that everyone longs for. Girls I must tell you something that NO ONE tells us... guys do NOT like really thin girls!! They like average... and that’s what 95 percent of us are! Eating is OK. We starve ourselves to look "good" and all we end up doing is making our hair fall out and reversing our puberty, And what girl wants that? I can't even explain how I feel, It's crazy I know. To enjoy the bones sticking out, to love the fact that it hurts when I sit down. It's a gross drug... and you don't want to be addicted to it. If you ever think about dieting or something DON'T try to figure it out on your own. That's what I did and look where it got me, ask a doctor. Once you get here, it’s hard to go back. It’s like being trapped on a roller coaster that never stops. I shiver thinking about how many years I have already took off my life. It’s a scary thing that no one ever told me about. I wish they did or maybe I wouldn’t be like this. And I will never allow anyone close to me to go through this too. It messes up your life. Takes control. Scares everyone around you, thin is not always the winner. I have been through a lot in the last year of my life, but I haven’t been alone. God has been with me the whole time. By starving myself I felt I could make myself fit in and be accepted by others, but I realize now that I should not spend my life trying to please others, I should spend it trying to please God. Being thin has got me nowhere in life. All it did was take me through a world of sin and lies. I have learned that you can lie to everyone, but you can’t lie to God. When I was put in the hospital I saw God for the first time in my life. Three youth from the youth group showed up that very night. They may not ever realize what impact their love has made in my life, but I know that I wouldn’t be here to day if it wasn’t for their support and God’s love. They say everything happens for a reason and I believe that my eating disorder happened to show me that God is always there and that if we open our eyes we can see God in people such as Gail, Kevin, my family, and our youth. Even though we can’t see God we can always feel his love. As a friend once told me, “If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.”