My childhood was torn apart. I had no childhood. I fear men, and hate them because of what happened to me. Here's my story.

Aah, I love water, so beautiful and relaxing. What? Why is my world shaking? I open my eyes to a dark room, and him hovering over me. ‘Come with me’ he says, and I’m merely a child, so I only know to listen to adults. I follow. He leads me into his room, and locks the door. I sit on the bed. Am I in trouble I think to myself. No. he just wants to play a game, I like those, I play along. He touches my leg, I think nothing of it. He touches higher, this doesn’t feel right, but I have known him all of my life, he wouldn’t hurt me. Would he? He tells me to lie down, to relax, I obey. He asks me to take off my pajamas, I am scared. I need to see that you’re healthy, your pajamas get in the way. He says. Stupid me… I listen. Hes touching me again ‘am I healthy?’ I ask myself. Why is he touching me so low? I’m so cold. Why is he taking his clothes off? He lays beside me, this doenst feel right, I try to leave. He grabs me, and pins me down. Don’t scream or I’ll have to punish you. Im quiet. He moves on top of me, I can feel pressure OUCH! Whats happening? This hurts. I start to cry, but it doesn’t phase him. I’m torn. He starts to grunt and pant, and all I feel is a warm liquid inside of me. Why me? He lays beside me, and tells me hell be back for me tomorrow night, and he was. Every night for 7 years he was there, and he got more aggressive. Yet, I cover the bruises and I hide the tears. What else can I do? I continue to grow up hiding the pain, I don’t know what else to do. We’re moving my parents say. Im so relieved, overjoyed, ecstatic. I begin to pack. I leave my unused toys, my dusty dolls, but I bring my clothes, poems, and tears of joy. We're in a new place, I'm in a new school, with new children, and I now have a personality. I don’t trust, every male is the enemy. They’re waiting to hurt me. Months go by Halloween will be here soon, Im happy. Im in my costume, getting candy. Im stopped. Im pulled into a car. Not again! This hurts, what am I doing wrong? I begin to hide, I don’t talk to people anymore, im scared of them. A year goes by, its October first it’ll be Halloween soon. Im staying home. I hear a knocking, but why? Its 11 at night. Whos this? Who cares? He just hit me. I fight back. Im knocked unconscious. When I wake I see the bruises, feel the liquid, feel the depression. Why me?! What have I ever done? I’m worth nothing, I have no meaning, I want to die. I slit my wrists, and see the blood. Why am I still living? I grab the rope and begin to hang, but I am cut down. Damn it let me die! I’m tired of the pain. I stay cold to everyone
afraid of what they would do to me. Then I become friends with a girl.. Shawn. Our friendship seems to be going well. I get sad. She invites me to hang out with her for the night. I trust her. Her friend Brett comes over. They start drinking, I start drinking. Brett pins me, I yell no, I yell for help.. nothing. He rapes me. I lose my trust, I cry. Please won’t you let me die?