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  LiveWire / My Forums / Viewing Story

Rape
The following story was submitted anonymously on Aug. 1, 2004.
The names have been changed to protect the author's privacy.

I am a victim of date rape... I am 14 years old and have never told anyone about it before until now... hereís my story.... I met this guy about a year ago, July or so... we began talking, and started dating about a month later... I fell in love with him... and he said he was in love with me, but its hard to believe, because of what he did to me... the first time I saw him in person he took of my shirt... even I was surprised by that. I was a virgin than, and had never as much as kissed a guy... this was a big thing for me... then about the 3rd time I went to his house, he pressured me into sex... I was debating in my mind whether I should or not, I was a virgin, and wanted to try it... and I wanted him to like me... so I gave in..... that was the worst thing I could have done.... after that he felt he had power over me... and every time I went over his house, he pressured me into sex... only once I wanted to... and we were high on marijuana... I couldnít think straight... we continued dating for six months... and then, it became unbearable. On Valentines Day I went to his house to visit...we were having a good time, until when we were cuddling, he pressured me into sex once again... I said "no. Please, not this time". He kept asking, ďWhy? Why? Why?" I said, "Because I donít want to"!!! But he still kept asking why. All of the times we have had sex, we never used a condom... NEVER.... and I knew this time would be the same... I would always go into pregnancy scares after. And tell him about it... and he would just laugh... like it could never happen... I told him, I donít want to get pregnant. And he said, "You wont" ... so after all the times I said no. I just layer there. And he entered me. I started crying... and he asked what was wrong. I said I donít know... I donít know. I donít want to do it. I felt so helpless, and confused... I didnít know what was happening... I didnít know it was rape... afterwards...when I got home... I found out he cheated on me that same night, and than, he broke up with me the following morning.... I was so crushed, and scared. I wanted to die at that very moment. I didnít know why I was so upset. Was it because I loved him? Was it because I was raped, and didnít know it? I eventually got somewhat recovered over the break up about a month later... I just found out about a week ago that it was a rape... that led to more questions in my head... "Was I really raped?" "How could I have let that happen?" "Why didnít I know?" "Why did this happen to me"? I would always have suicidal thoughts when we were together, I felt worthless, ugly, stupid.... and I didnít know why... I was in love, why was I so upset? That was why... I was raped. To this day, which is about a year after... I have never told anyone about what happened... I feel ashamed, and stupid... I sometime still see my rapist... at places in townie. He might be coming to my school... and I just want to scream to everyone, "He raped me!!" so everyone understands my pain... so everyone would hate him as much as I hate him... I wish they could all see through me....



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