|When you life hits rock bottom, you think there is no way back.
The following story was submitted anonymously on Feb. 12, 2009.
The names have been changed to protect the author's privacy.
I'll keep my story short, but believe me there are alot more complications. My parents divorced when I was 7, and after my mum took me to live with her, I realised that she had a serious alcohol problem. So far I've spent 8 years of my life, dealing with her 6 to 7 day binges. I had to learn how to cook for myself, how to wash and dry clothes, how to take medicine for my kidneys since I was 7 etc. Her drinking is something I have just learnt to get used to, and to stay in my room while she's on a binge. We went through a lot of trouble with the social services, and despite them eventually backing off after 2 years, my mum still doesn't acknowledge the fact that she has a problem.
When I was 13, I met a guy call Steve. He was 16 and we met because we both had jobs at the local newsagents. I really liked him and we decided to go out. A week after we made it official, he turned up at my house out of the blue, saying he wanted to come in and watch a movie. Being my 'boyfriend', I let him in. We went upstairs and immediately, he pinned me down on the bed and pulled my underwear down. His pushed his hands into me and he could see I was bleeding. I began to scream and he gagged me with his other hand. He then unbuttoned his jeans and raped me on my bed. My mum was out at the time, and almost 2 years later, is still completely oblivious. I screamed so hard during the whole ordeal, that I actually lost my voice. He got up after ejaculating completely, and said 'You're screaming made it alot more difficult.' And walked out. I've seen him around town so many times, and I have not once reported him to the police. I honestly don't know why, it's fear that my family and friends would find out. I gave in, and I let him do this to me. I went to get a pregnancy test 3 weeks later. It was positive. I took another. Positive. 2 weeks later I took a third test, it came out as negative. Trying to move on from an ordeal like that is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. Exactly one year later, my cousin who happened to be a famous singer in america at the time, died in a car crash.
Finally trying to rebuild my life, a few months ago, my friend and her boyfriend came over, and we all got very drunk. They were obviously kissing and becoming intimate, and somehow or other, they dragged me into it. Being so drunk, I had no idea what they were doing, despite the countless times I said NO, they wouldn't listen. I ended up that my best friend's boyfriend put his fingers, covered in semen, inside of me. He denied that he had came, but it was obvious he lied, when I found out I was pregnant. I only ever told 2 people, none of whom where my best friends. A month later, I had to go to a clinic and get an abortion all by myself. It was one of the most painful things I have ever been through. I'm not even 15 yet.
Right now I find myself, getting drunk and high every weekend, because I can't do anything else with myself. I constantly overdose on anti depressants and painkillers. I'm so close to suicide every night, I cut my wrists till I become woozy from the sight of blood.
What I'm trying to say is that, when you think your life is bad, consider what could be worse in your life. Remind yourself of the good things you have, and never give up on yourself. These things have happened to me because I let people take advantage of me, which is a silly thing to do. I'm trying to rebuild my life, once more, and I'm just praying that I succeed this time.
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