Ever since preschool my best pal was a guy named Jared. He was 1 year older than me, started school late. We were inseparable. As years went by, our families got closer, and so did we. When we started 9th grade, it was hard, but we helped each other.
Jared wanted to be a jock, so he joined the football team. Through the few months Jared was working out more, to get built for the team, that's when I started to find him attractive. Jared and I got closer as the year went by, liking each other more and more.
At the end of the year, our families planned to take a vacation to an indoor water park resort. We drove down there together. When we got there, our parents went to dinner, and me and Jared went to my room, and got in the hot tub. We were talking, and all of a sudden he tried to kiss me, but I pulled back. He was mad, saying how I was flirting with him all year, but I didn't want him. I explained that I liked him a little but I didn't want this right now, a relationship that is.
He seemed calm, he said ok, and that he was sorry. Later on we all went to the water park, having a blast. Later on, I wanted to go to the spa, but Jared asked if I wanted to go into the sauna with him, he assured me that it was okay, he just wanted to talk, and pal around. I went, and it turned out to be the dumbest mistake of my life.
At first it was fine, we talked and joked. Then he pulled me close and told me I had pretty eyes, I laughed, I thought it was funny. Then he started to kiss my neck, I tried to pull back, but he was too strong. I started to scream for help, but it was sound proof. He pushed me down, removed his towel, and raped me. I was crying the whole time, I couldn't believe it.
When it was over he told me he was sorry. I went to my room, crying hard. I told mom, who called the police, and told his parents. We had to appear in court for a hearing a few weeks later. He admitted to what he did, and apologized. He was sentenced to up to 3 years in juvi. Every day I think about that day, I still blame myself for it, for going in the sauna with him.
I've had therapy, and I'm doing okay. He wrote me a letter, a few months ago, explaining that he was so sorry, that I should hate him forever, and that he loved me. I wrote back saying that he wasn't thinking clearly, that he should feel bad for it, but I also said that I don't hate him. I know that may sound dumb, but I'm a forgiving person, and I knew Jared, I knew what kind of person he was. I know that he feels bad, even though things will never be the same, I keep going and I try to get on with my life. I can't be so caring about it, what he did to me was a crime, and he's paying for it. I still hope there is the Jared I knew - somewhere.