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  LiveWire / My Forums / Viewing Story

Family,Rape,And Teen Pregnancy
The following story was submitted anonymously on Jan. 16, 2008.
The names have been changed to protect the author's privacy.

From that I could remember witch is very early in my life my step mom was in and out of hospital and was over dosing on any medication that she could get and then me and my step brother where send to stay with an aunt or friends of my mother witch one of these friends of my mom and dad started to sexually molest me and his daughter but well he told us that all girls have to go through it and who where we to fight against it we where just children then and the saying a child should be seen and not heard is how we share brought up and the message was brought over that an adult was always right and we were not allot to argue against what an adult said and it is still like that from when we where baby's my dad always worked so we actually never saw him at all when I sit down and think about my childhood I cant remember any good enjoyable times I spend with my dad I remember that I always begged my mom to play netball or hockey with me but she never wanted to.
My mom never told me what happens with a girl when she grows up I had to find out at school when it actually happened with me.

My dads best and only friend was like a father to me and he always bought me sweet and toys and just made me feel loved so what he did to me I thought was because he loved me and then when I was eleven years old and in school this social worker came to school and talked to us about what was happening to us and that is was wrong and I totally freaked out and I still didn't want to say anything about it my friend took me to the front because I started crying hysterically so that I got an asthma attack in the hall and all that I could say there in front is "HE RAPED ME" and she took down my details at that time my mom and dad weren't in town and we stayed with this mans ex wife. I only told the social worker after a very long time what happened, and at the time the only person that believed me was the social worker, no one did believe me and the worst thing is my dad did nothing to the guy I went to go say sorry allot and didn't lay a charge against him still today I love him to bits I'm not angry or anything at him at all I'm really mad at my step mom because she did what she did and never could protect me and also my dad because he was never there to prevent this from happening. But still in the same breath I have loads of respect for my dad I don't know why at all and I also don't know why I still have these mixed feelings.

When I was in grade six I started cutting myself allot but it wasn't that bad then. One of the children in my class saw me and told the teacher and she confronted me in front of the whole class of course I'm going to deny all the questions she was asking me and then my cutting just got worse and worse.

When I was in grade seven I found out on the day that my real mom died that my step mom wasn't my real mom and that they kept it from me my whole life. She died of an asthma attack. I never knew my mom at all now I know I have two real brother and a sister that don't want anything to do with me.

I was happy on the outside but very sad and with out hope on the in side. When I was in grade seven I got pregnant with this guy's child and in April, when I was in grade 8 I had my son Conner without me knowing my step mom put in an adoption case and later I found out but she won the case because she got all the evidence that I wasn't a fit mother witch included the evidence that I was drinking to much and came home drunk and used petrol and didn't have a job and cutting so that I could take care of my son on my own and two years later when I was in grade 10 she won and my son was given up for adoption to friends of hers on the of January so after that my drinking, petrol use, cutting and drugs got out of hand.

It carried on and on till I was put into he children's home because me step mom hit me so that I got blue and purple marks all over my body and I went to school psychologist and that same day I was put in the children's home if I weren't put there I would have failed my grade witch was at that time grade 11 and there I was put under place of safety because of my mom hitting me and also my drinking, doing drugs, cutting, and doing petrol and there was some one with me 24/7 for 6 weeks even when I went to the lo or when to bath they where there.

I stopped everything there and just smoked normal cigarettes. I finished my school carrier the next year and passed while I was at home because I lost the case and came home and according to them I was rehabilitated. But when I came home everything was still the same and I started self harming again and tried to kill my self allot, I went for stitches almost everyday and then after a day or so I would take them out again and cut deeper. I didn't drink or do drugs or petrol ever since but the cutting was really bad then one day I made a suggestion to my step mom and told her that why don't we both stop with the self harm her with the over dosing and me with the cutting so she agreed I stopped there and my mom went on I had a couple of relapses but got back on my feet and started all over again.

My life hero was Juanita. She gave me the strength to just keep on trying she always
used to say VLIEG HOOG and that was and is still what I am trying to do till today fly high and try to rise up out of my situation and get to the top. I can admit it is not easy when see Ur mom totally out of it because she over sides again and that u just want to run away but then u are doing the same as Ur mom but just in a different way.

Well today the 13 of January 2008 I am in my room and stressing my ass of because I am fighting to get my son back.

And on the other hand am thinking what if I'm going to destroy his whole life by doing that but on the other hand I'm thinking of what if I don't fight for him and then when he gets older he gets mad, angry and Hates me because I through him away because I didn't fight for him because that is how he will see it.

And then that is not all I want to a party and only had two ciders but after that I had a shingle brandy {J&B} and coke I wasn't even near drunk at all but when I finished that I drink I started throwing up and my friends took my to bed I cant remember anything just that I woke up next to this guy I don't even know and well now he is no where to be found and I am pregnant again I didn't tell my parents what happened and at first time I felt pregnant and also this time and I'm not planning on telling them at all.

I don't want them to know.

I'm going to have my baby girl and I'm going to keep her I really don't care what any more I m going to fight for me and my two children I'm going to give them all that I never had love and acceptance.

I just don't know some times I have second thoughts about keeping my daughter because I am only turning 20 this year and I still want to study and enjoy my life before I have children and I would have wanted to have children by choice not by force and would have wanted to be happily married and would have wanted my children to have a loving, caring and involved dad and mom. Bit I guess that is only in fairy tales.

I Way on anti-depressant injections and tablets at the same time but I just stopped using it because it didn't work.



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