-- Posted by ElephantStone at 8:46 am on Mar. 30, 2008 I don't really know why I'm actually bothering to post this. I suppose its to get it out of my head, cos my heads a bit of a mess. Even though there's nothing wrong with me, my heads always been a mess, and maybe talking about shit is actually making it feel worse. Maybe I'm becoming dependant on lw to show something...maybe I should quit lw. I went out last night to the local club. I went out to a different pub where some of my other friends were hanging out first where thay were having a couple of liveners befor eheading in the club, and that was pretty cool. I drove us in to the club. I think the pub I usually go to puts me ina bad mood, cos its a confined area and theres a few people I dont like and who dont like me, at least int he club its bigger and louder. Its 12.50 when we headed in and we look around, there must of been 20 people in the club altogether. I was disgusted I walked out onto the dancefloor, and just looked around. And this group of girls I know is laughing at my reaction to how empty the club is. And I'm thinking fuck this, im gonna have fun anyway, and by 1am the club was jammed with people. Catherine wasnt there last night. I had a couple of walks round to see if she was there while looking for friends as well and she wasnt there. And I had more fun knowing she wasnt there than when she was. There wasnt this awful pressure on me to try and make sure she'd see me talking to groups of pretty girls and makin people laugh and shit. It also gave me time to realise how amazingly popular i actually am, and to think that 2 weeks ago I was thinking everyone hated me. People were coming up to me the whole night talking to me, laughing with me, dancing with me. Some people i hadnt seen for years were coming up and chatting like we were talking to each other yesterday. Girls were coming over and hugging me and kissing me on the cheek. I had fun. I admit the last half hour of the club dragged, but I was sober. Catherine wasnt there, and I probly wont see her till June, cos Ill be doing my exams then and shell be working where I get my lunch in between the exams. So maybe something will come up there... Shes back in college now, and Ill be back in school tomorrow. Also one of Catherine's friends who I used to work with sat down beside me at the club last night. Even though this friend hadnt really been positive of me trying to get with catherine in the summer, in fact she told me about a boyfriend or something.... but at least Catherine's friends are still talking to me. Two of them have flirted with me. I could go on and on and on pointlessly like I am, and I doubt ill get many replies to this cos what am I asking? I think I just want an analysis of the events. I think writing it down makes me feel better. I just want to see something positive out of this in respect to Catherine. Ive kinda built my confidence back up to the point where I'm boss, im the one, the way I was when I knew catherine. Whereby when I didnt get a response to the texts I sent her (she never got them anyway) I didnt give up then thinking "she doesnt like me, she hasnt replied to my texts" I called her to find out what was going on. I reckon I could talk to her now, and get some sense out of her. I feel hot, I feel like once again girls see me and want to talk to me. Where im funny, witty and street wise. Roll on Saturday nights...