Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 .. 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27  Next -- Posted by Plastik at 8:44 pm on April 15, 2004 You also lack confidence, I see. And that's why he's here. There's always someone here whos's been there, done that, seen the worst of what it has to offer, and seen it turned around. So let's attack the situation thoughtfully, shall we? Do only the jacked jocks have girlfriends? Do only these people do ANYTHING with girls? The obvious answer is a loud no. So we've discovered that you are not hopeless, just lost. There is a means to the end, you just don't have it, and probably can't figure it out yourself at the moment. But it's there. Let's take it up another notch. You can get a girl. The possibility is there. So how do we act on it? Well, let's see! What do girls respond to? Confidence. The jacked jocks get this in spades because of popularity and body, so it comes naturally. For the rest of us, it's a bit more daunting. Here's the kicker though. If you have confidence, nothing else matters. You can even be a jackass, and confidence will get you X distance. Of course, to get further than X, you need not be a jackass, but I'm just saying. Confidence drives half the race. Alrighty...so we need confidence. How do we do that?! ...You have quite a bit of control over this. Never put yourself down, even if you think you're just admitting the truth. Never. Ever. You are fucking awesome, and you're gonna get what you want. Period. Adopt this mindset. As said by C. S. Lewis, if you wear a mask over yourself, you'll find yourself conforming to that mask sooner or later. Believe and you will be. Every time you look down on yourself, whether you think it's true or not, you reset back to square one. Remember that. So now we have the road to confidence. But we're not quite done. Shyness is a factor that dwindles with confidence, but still needs to be overthrown to help build confidence at the same time. Talk to the people around you. Be loud. You don't have to make a total change all at once, but just take it in comfortable strides. Talk to that girl next to you in math class tomorrow, about the weather. Anything. Say hi. I started on this road by a very simple method that worked superbly: Acknowledge every single person you see in the hall that you know. Whether you're good friends or just kind of know them from another class. I make it a point to nod and say their name. There goes Josh from Science...I nod and say Josh in a friendly-hello-ish tone of voice. This, you should start immediately. It is easy to bring yourself into, and helps greatly with shyness and confidence, without you even realizing it. So now we're combating the shyness/confidence situation. What else do we need? Attitude. Be friendly. Always. Even people you hate. Diplomacy is the most important aspect. Be able to get along with the smartest kid in the class and the dumbest gangsta kid. Adapt to your situation such that they look at you like an equal. If you want more clarification on this I could go off on this a bit. With the sense of diplomacy thrown into the mix, all you have to do is just set your attention on the girls. Acknolwedge the girls in the halls. Say hi. Be friendly. Smile. You don't even have to talk all that much. A few hellos go a long way. Always smile too. Never let yourself look sad. That's a turn off. ...and that's it for the moment....try it out. Keep us posted. Post any events that you thought went wrong or you thought went right. We'll keep you advised. -- Posted by rebelion at 12:39 pm on April 16, 2004 And there's another thing that can help: Always remember that the other person may be just as shy,if not more than you.If you just say to yourself that the other person may be more scared than you...it'll work for you. -- Posted by Spirit at 1:21 pm on April 16, 2004 very nice post, i suffer from shyness but recentely i've been getting better and these are some of the tips i've been using   -- Posted by Apos at 2:33 pm on April 16, 2004 . (Edited by Apos at 3:37 pm on Nov. 4, 2004) -- Posted by remmy at 5:42 pm on April 16, 2004 . (Edited by remmy at 11:27 pm on July 4, 2006) -- Posted by person411 at 6:05 pm on April 16, 2004 Yeah...good advice....its just so hard to actually make yourself take the steps to do everything... -- Posted by RbdSqrl at 8:18 pm on April 17, 2004 Well, I used to be really shy then i realized that no matter what i do ppl are going to think wat theyre going to think.. u know? I dunno thats just wat i think  :) -- Posted by VenomRaptor at 11:13 pm on April 17, 2004 I started out thinking ur advice was b/s but finished completey different.... great post I must say! Thanks for the tips! -- Posted by TheArtist6472 at 12:12 pm on April 18, 2004 Quote: from VenomRaptor at 2:13 am on April 18, 2004 I started out thinking ur advice was b/s but finished completey different.... great post I must say! Thanks for the tips! This is what I thought!!....Thanks alot! -- Posted by aften at 4:33 pm on April 18, 2004 Quote: from Plastik at 8:44 pm on April 15, 2004 You also lack confidence, I see. Be able to get along with the smartest kid in the class and the dumbest gangsta kid. so um...you might not have worded that to the best of your ability.. -- Posted by TormentedSoul at 4:37 pm on April 18, 2004 That's really good advice, which I am going to try and follow. I also try and convince myself my crush won't bite my head off (*imagines it and cracks up laughing*) so I should just say 'hi' -- Posted by mijjenta at 4:16 pm on April 19, 2004 yes! i can truly say that that was probably one of the best posts i've ever read on this site. i've struggled with confidence and shyness problems for my entire life, and i really really liked how you put it. thank you very much! -- Posted by masterof420 at 4:36 pm on April 19, 2004 Quote: from mijjenta at 8:16 pm on April 19, 2004 yes! i can truly say that that was probably one of the best posts i've ever read on this site. i've struggled with confidence and shyness problems for my entire life, and i really really liked how you put it. thank you very much! I would have to agree 100% -- Posted by proanexwannabe at 7:00 pm on April 19, 2004 I am very shy, always have been, but I have recently been telling myself that I am beautiful and I feel it more now and see a difference in the way people look at me!  If you believe it, they will believe it! -- Posted by duckjuice at 7:52 pm on April 19, 2004 Good advice, I'm still fairly shy but I'm getting their. Even before I saw this topic I used some of those seem tips. I found them through other means though like google a stuff but...I've tried most of them and they do work...and I can tell you this from personal experience.  I use to be shy all through junior high and at the beginning of the 10th grade..but because of some friends I made simply by just saying hi and having confidence in myself through the rest of the 10th grade and the 11th and 12th grade I had a ton of confidence...I even got a girlfriend who liked me very much...but I fucked it up mostly because my shyness started to wore on again but anyway...I just started college and I'm still kinda shy to talk to people their but now its wearing off again and my confidence level soon will be that of which it was in highschool or even higher.  Just don't let you confidence level get to high because then you become cocky and ignorant, I was like that but I'm not anymore..I think anyway its not a good thing ill leave it at that. But all these tips he has here work 100% trust me ;) (Edited by duckjuice at 7:54 pm on April 19, 2004) -- Posted by Kraahkan at 7:54 pm on April 19, 2004 Well, here's a question for you.  When you said this: Diplomacy is the most important aspect. Be able to get along with the smartest kid in the class and the dumbest gangsta kid. This one doesn't seem to be able to help me as much.  I'm not bragging, but it's just the sad fact at my school - I'm the smartest kid in the class.  By a long shot. So my hurdle is kind of unique - how exactly do I get kids to stop thinking of me just as "the brain," which kind of carries a certain geekish aspect to it?  I've tried for years and nothing's worked. - Kraahkan - -- Posted by Plastik at 8:16 pm on April 19, 2004 Don't act like that smart kid. Don't act like smart kid trying to fit in, either. Be yourself, but in the manorisms of others. I've found, by being very aware of 'how' other people are, I can get along with virtually anyone. Not exadurating, I hang out with the preppy bible lover overly-good kid one night, and the party rocker girl that hates school and life the next. I'm myself in both situations, but I relate to them as they want to be related too...It's an aquired skill that takes more time. If you're the smartest kid in the class, you don't have to 'play the roll'. Don't act sophisticated, because that emmits arrogance to an extreme. You need to be able to act laid back, talk about sex and drugs, and relate to others on their level. I've never touched a drug in my life, but half my friends are stoners and alcoholics...I still talk to them about what they want to talk about, and relate. Say what's up and slap hands with the jocks. Maybe even go to the occasional party, but stay clean. Put yourself off as what they can relate to, and want to associate with. As they become comfortable with you, be your normal self mixed in with that slight tweak around them. Think of someone in a class you never see yourself getting along with or talking to, and try to be friends with that person. You just can't be flat out 'you'. Try to be 'you' with a slight mix of their aspect. It's a difficult concept to explain, I don't know...I just mapped everything out like I posted, then followed through start to finish. In one year, I went from reject to too many friends, I have to choose who to hang out with when. So I've done well by it, anyways  :p Well, anyways...Don't try to be the brain. Don't be the brain trying to be like everyone else either. Just be like others, and adjust slightly as you're around different people. There's a kid in my homeroom that walks down the hall reading a book. There's another kid that waddles along with an airport rolling bag, when he has the only one in the school. Don't do things like that. That's just asking for it. If you want to change the ways others see you, you should step back and view yourself from their point of view. If you truly do this, you'll see whatever slight tidbits about you need tweaking. I used big words too much around others. I stopped. Things like this are very helpful -- Posted by goofydimplygracee at 10:33 am on April 20, 2004 Quote: from Kraahkan at 11:54 am on April 20, 2004 This one doesn't seem to be able to help me as much.  I'm not bragging, but it's just the sad fact at my school - I'm the smartest kid in the class.  By a long shot. So my hurdle is kind of unique - how exactly do I get kids to stop thinking of me just as "the brain," which kind of carries a certain geekish aspect to it?  I've tried for years and nothing's worked. - Kraahkan - Modesty aside, I was branded as a nerd in our batch for I am one of the top students of the 'cream' class... But one thing I am really proud of is that I can relate to almost everyone... From the bitchy type of girls to the warfreak boys, I am friends with them... Good thing I overcame my shyness... They chose me to be the batch leader and I accepted it for it feels good to be trusted... It first made me scared to handle more than 200 people but it paid off when I get to know them well... Though they still tease me as a nerd, now it comes with fun and friendship... I guess we all have ways to get along well with other people... All we need is to try... But don't try too hard... We can't just please everyone... :D -- Posted by syzygy at 11:46 am on April 20, 2004 umm im not all that shy in meeting girls and all of that, but when i dot get a girlfriend i lack confidense and it eventually drives them away, i am with a girl that i really like, and she really likes me, but she said that she is getting bored and that i need to be more confident, she also said that she is tired of waiting for things to happen. do you have any advice? -- Posted by honey bunny at 11:09 pm on April 20, 2004 Quote: from TormentedSoul at 4:37 pm on April 18, 2004 That's really good advice, which I am going to try and follow. I also try and convince myself my crush won't bite my head off (*imagines it and cracks up laughing*) so I should just say 'hi' I have a crush on this really hot guy, ive had a crush on him for ages, almost 2 years, hes really cute, but im not really good looking, Plastik, you said to smile, what if you have discustingly ugly buck yellow teeth? well, i dont have teeth like that, but my teeth are ugly, and i hate smiling cos they are ugly, but i do say hi to my crush sumtimes, ive only started to because my friends helped me to do it by saying hi to him aswell, and when i said hi, he ignored me, so i tried again, and i said hi, and he was jsut walking past looking bored, and i said hi and his face lit up and he said hey. god he is cute -- Posted by chalkboard sonata at 5:13 am on April 21, 2004 ...get braces and clean your teeth once in while. Hygiene really isn't that difficult a concept. (Edited by chalkboard sonata at 12:14 am on April 22, 2004) -- Posted by PurpleHaze at 3:30 pm on April 21, 2004 this year im the "new girl" and im not used to all these people. i have the confidence and stuff but my old school had 27 kids in my whole grade...we were all like really close friends. now its hard to think of things to say to people. like people who know me would NOT think im shy at all cuz im really loud when im with friend but when i meet people im all quiet cuz i cant think of anything to talk about--- its so annoying.   -- Posted by MrHumble at 3:44 pm on April 27, 2004 I'm sure that method will help you overcome shyness, but I consider the truth more important than confidence. -- Posted by Jeepster at 5:41 pm on April 27, 2004 the way I came over shyness was I moved from a very small town and school to a way bigger one.. I had 15 ppl in my old class and when I moved I have over 600. So to make friends I kind of had too.. -- Posted by lilsurferbunny2007 at 5:54 pm on April 27, 2004 thanks for the advice, i may be a little shy, but i need that shyness to tottaly go bye bye thankz alot :D -- Posted by GlAsGoWbOi at 2:09 pm on April 28, 2004 LOL my best cure, is, well pretend that its pretend :p and then after that its easy :) lol wish i knew how best ta describe it -- Posted by pade at 4:06 pm on April 29, 2004 Wow if only I found this like a couple years ago. I lost my confidence in 6th grade. I took life as hell and there was no way out until then I realized I could end my life. Thinking this I was always contemplating suicide. Then I thought ok now im suicidal maybe people will notice me and do the hard part of saying hi to me first. I then seriously contemplated it. I still am not off of suicide. I'm a neglected child that gets only abuse from my parents. My friends arent the greatest either. I feel neglected and want a mate from my school and this is why I want a gf. To help me though my neglect at home. She will be the one saying good job with your grades. You look good today. Hug me approve of my exsitence. I still dont have a GF. But amazinly enough Ive been though all thsoe steps finding them out BY MYSELF. Wish I found this post a couple years ago. Im the neutral. I talk to those "thugs" in tones that im accepted and can walk up to the class nerd and get some assitence. All I need to do now is head in the direction of the other sex   . As easy as this sounds it isnt for me. For some reason I have the feeling im not worthy because of the fact that no one has said hi to me. I goto the gym as a source of anger managment. I have my eyes hooked on this girl who only seems to hang out with a homosexual cheerleading male. I asssume my chances are high yet im still scared. Any ideas for introductions: me; hi you might've seen me about school but im pade. would you like to do something sometime? her; sure me; can I have your number her;sure *writes down me; ok Ill call you later and maybe we can plan something is that ok? if I fail(psshh ya right who fails ) me; ; hi you might've seen me about school but im pade. would you like to do something sometime? her; no me; ok well talk to you later is that a ok of doing it? Im hoping by getting a girlfriend I can then help raise my cofidence and hopefully start suceeding even more in life because all day I walk around with no satisfaction in life and hope. My parents dont support me and my friends dont show it if they do. Im hoping by a GF she will plus she can always physically approve of me. thanks for listening to me ranting/venting and please feel free to ask/answer and questons -- Posted by Plastik at 12:06 am on May 1, 2004 lol...pade...I'd swear I was you if I were crazy enough to think a post I didn't write could be mine... But regardless... Figuring things out for yourself is really what it's all about. You learn from mistakes, not from success. Success, if anything, just ruins what you've learnt, and makes you re-learn it again later. I'm glad I had to deal with neglect. I willed myself to learn everything I know. Even in school. I took all AP classes throughout high school because I wanted to satisfy myself, and maybe get a "Hey, nice job" along the way. When I finally did cough up a girlfriend, I realized it didn't help anything at all too...it just ends up adding complications to the fire, and you wish you were single again...then when you become single again, you wish you had her back...and if you're extra unlucky, you'll get her back and realize why you broke up in the first place. To be frank, it's all bullshit. As for suicide...If you really think it out thoroughly, you'll see it for what it is. If I could communicate with suicide victims, I would laugh at them. Idiots. Think it all becomes better when it all goes away? That's dumb. You cannot contemplate non existence no matter how much you try, or fool yourself into thinking you can. The closest you can come is imagining your consciousness in a void.  Hey, your consciousness goes away, and your brain dies. There's no void. There's no nothingness for you to appreciate. You cannot imagine or describe nonexistence, period. As such, you can't compare it as something that is good or bad. It is neither. It isn't better. It isn't worse. It isn't the same. It isn't. Things don't get better; they don't anything. If you think your problems are too severe to go on living -- CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Make it different. Go pick up a hooker if that floats your boat. Be a lazy bum and don't work. Move. Most suicide victims think they're gonna go into either some afterlife or an empty void of nonexistence where they can think away, without their problems lingering overhead. Blatantly wrong. The rest think nothingness is better than their problems. Wrong. You can't compare or rate something that cannot be conceived. Edit: Oh...if you're a religious one...suicide victims achieve an afterlife of ultimate suffering. Infinitely worse than what you have now or have ever had. That's not very good either :( And alas...don't try to get attention. Make attention. (Edited by Plastik at 3:09 am on May 1, 2004) -- Posted by pade at 12:19 am on May 1, 2004 Ya I dont really want a gf just a really good friend that is a girl so I can have the same benifits without the connection. But like they say. Today I just talked to two girls and it's true. One I talked to in PE for like 5 mins and it was pure confidence. I put it in my voice though I had none and she went off for ever. All I had to do was acknowledge her and she did the rest. EASY. Did the same with another girl. It's easy guys just start it off and they do the rest and im not joking. -- Posted by timor at 4:16 pm on May 1, 2004 This thread makes me think of this penny-arcade strip: http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2003-06-30&;res=l Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 .. 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27  Next