-- Posted by WickedWiccan at 11:45 pm on July 9, 2009 I have this uncle who's my mom's brother. He's a guy, true, but he's always been cool with me and he's very intelligent. We always talk about everything. Movies, politics, music, food, and life in general. I was telling him about breaking up with my boyfriend because he hadn't heard about it yet. We got into the subject of sex and the conversation wasn't dirty or pervy (he's not like that and has never been). It was very matter of fact and cool, like I'd never be able to have with anybody else because he always takes me seriously. So anyway, at some point he stopped talking and said: "You know, you should ask your mother about this or some of your friends, because I could go to jail for even talking to you about it." I laughed and dropped it, but it made me feel very awkward and we kind of sat there in silence for a couple of minutes. Then he changed the subject and started talking about the food he was eating and then to the movie we'd just seen (Public Enemies, which I liked by the way). So I wanted to know what everybody thought about what happened and what he said. Do you think he was overreacting? -- Posted by melodramatic at 11:46 pm on July 9, 2009 I think he may have been, yeah. Just didn't want to get in a sticky situation. -- Posted by Chelios at 11:47 pm on July 9, 2009 probably, i mean as long as he didnt tell you to practice on him, i think hes in the green. -- Posted by WickedWiccan at 11:56 pm on July 9, 2009 Quote: from KayKayKay at 2:47 am on July 10, 2009 probably, i mean as long as he didnt tell you to practice on him, i think hes in the green. He's not that kind of person. What I'm thinking whether I should ask him why he said that, or if I should just drop it like he asked. -- Posted by jsia at 11:57 pm on July 9, 2009 Nah not really, I guess it just kinda crossed his mind, and was giving you an out incase you found it uncomfortable. -- Posted by Chelios at 11:57 pm on July 9, 2009 Quote: from WickedWiccan at 11:56 pm on July 9, 2009 Quote: from KayKayKay at 2:47 am on July 10, 2009 probably, i mean as long as he didnt tell you to practice on him, i think hes in the green. He's not that kind of person. What I'm thinking whether I should ask him why he said that, or if I should just drop it like he asked. he clearly doesnt want ot alk about it, so he probably doesnt want to talk about why he doesnt want to talk about it. make sense? id just leave it be and try to bring it up at another convo. if you bring it up again he will likely think it is urgent and listen to you. -- Posted by WickedWiccan at 12:02 am on July 10, 2009 All the answers so far make sense to me. Thank you! -- Posted by Gruadia at 9:03 am on July 10, 2009 Do you have a father? Because I don't, and he could be your "father" in your mind. Maybe not knowing but in a subconscious way you feel like he's your father so you get into deep conversations. -- Posted by WickedWiccan at 9:32 am on July 10, 2009 Quote: from Gruadia at 12:03 pm on July 10, 2009 Do you have a father? Because I don't, and he could be your "father" in your mind. Maybe not knowing but in a subconscious way you feel like he's your father so you get into deep conversations. I do have a dad and he lives with us, but he's rarely around and is never willing to talk about anything serious with me. I hadn't thought about what you just said, though. -- Posted by Mimic at 12:22 pm on July 10, 2009 It sounds like your uncle cares about you and wants to discuss things with you that he thinks you are comfortable with, which you have shown him you are comfortable discussing private issues with him. However, I think he is just a little concerned with the level of communication and possibly someone taking what you have discussed the the wrong way. It sounds like he's just watching his back, which is perfectly understandable. Just talk to him again if it comes up, but don't push these subjects if he might be uncomfortable. Or trying to watch his back, which is quite normal. Don't ask him why he dropped it, I think what he said was enough. You're placing trust in him, maybe talk to your mother and explain to her that you're comfortable talking to her brother in some detail about your relationships and what goes on in them, and ask her if she's ok about this. And if the subject comes up again, just say to him "my mum knows, she's cool with us talking, I thought as long as another adult knew about it, no-one could misconstrue it. I trust you and want to continue having you as a confidant" :-) -- Posted by WickedWiccan at 11:57 pm on July 10, 2009 Quote: from Mimic at 3:22 pm on July 10, 2009 It sounds like your uncle cares about you and wants to discuss things with you that he thinks you are comfortable with, which you have shown him you are comfortable discussing private issues with him. However, I think he is just a little concerned with the level of communication and possibly someone taking what you have discussed the the wrong way. It sounds like he's just watching his back, which is perfectly understandable. Just talk to him again if it comes up, but don't push these subjects if he might be uncomfortable. Or trying to watch his back, which is quite normal. Don't ask him why he dropped it, I think what he said was enough. You're placing trust in him, maybe talk to your mother and explain to her that you're comfortable talking to her brother in some detail about your relationships and what goes on in them, and ask her if she's ok about this. And if the subject comes up again, just say to him "my mum knows, she's cool with us talking, I thought as long as another adult knew about it, no-one could misconstrue it. I trust you and want to continue having you as a confidant" :-) That's another good idea. Thank you.   -- Posted by nik1 at 1:38 am on July 11, 2009 Yes, he is a smart guy and you are lucky to have him as an Uncle. He was obviously uncomfortable having this conversation with you and used the going to jail excuse as an escape method.  I can't see that he would go to jail talking about sex but he clearly made an appropriate decision by not having it without the approval of your Mother.  Ethically he did the right thing. -- Posted by WickedWiccan at 9:35 am on July 11, 2009 Quote: from nik1 at 4:38 am on July 11, 2009 Yes, he is a smart guy and you are lucky to have him as an Uncle. He was obviously uncomfortable having this conversation with you and used the going to jail excuse as an escape method. I can't see that he would go to jail talking about sex but he clearly made an appropriate decision by not having it without the approval of your Mother. Ethically he did the right thing. I feel a lot better about what happened after reading your replies. It would really suck if I didn't have him to talk to and get opinions from. I've gotten so used to it.