Pages: 1 2  Next -- Posted by marshmellowman at 9:26 am on Jan. 1, 2009 This seems to be a common problem to a lot of teens, and not just angsty ones, so I thought I'd write up a little guide to dealing with these sorts of situations seeing as how I've answered quite a lot of these topics myself. You may well have already tried this, or you might be in a different situation than this and this may not help you. In that case don't be afraid of making a topic about it in this forum, or alternatively you can PM me. If you're in a serious situation or need help immediately and the previous options don't seem like a good choice you can always submit an eHelp. Your parents love you Why am I telling you this? Because this is the reason in nearly all cases that your parents act the way they do. Even if at strenuous times when you're fighting it appears as if they hate you or want to make up feel bad, that's just not true. They do things for you. They want to ensure that you have the best possible chances for the future and that you can keep as many doors open as possible. They want nothing more than to see you be happy. Sometimes they can do things that seems overly protective or cautious to you. They may not let you stay out late, have a computer in your room. They may not approve of a person you are dating. They do these things because they care for you and don't want to see you hurt, or they don't think you're mature enough yet to do things. However there comes a point where what they do is too much. Perhaps they want to monitor what you surf, or know every little thing, they want to decide things for you and won't let you make your own choices. In these cases they think they're helping you or just trying to protect you. It can be restrictive and you need to talk to them and explain this to them. Stay calm and don't shout Because they're only doing it to help you, naturally they see nothing wrong with it. This is where most arguments start, because you argue your side and they're having none of it. You have to learn how to put your case forward and explain it to them. Approach the parent that you are more comfortable talking with, or the one that has a more relaxed attitude. This can help a great deal as if you persuade them it's often easier for them to persuade the other parent. Keep the point clear and be straight with them. Explain to them how you feel about what they're doing and why it annoys you. Keep your cool and don't raise your voice. Shouting will get you nowhere and will just make them less likely to listen to what you have to say. Don't be vague and just dismissive. Explain properly why it affects you and think of all the other things it can affect. For example, if they don't let you socialise much then tell them that you can't just work all the time. A person has to have a balance between working and unwinding. Taking a break has been shown to be able to help with solving problems as your brain tries to tackle them subconsciously so you might end up thinking of a new way to finish that algebra homework. They were once your age too It may seem unreal, but your parents did go through the same, or similar things to you, because they were once children themselves. Times have changed and sometimes they may not understand this. However you need to try to appeal to their inner child. If they're putting a lot of pressure on you, for example, at school then explain this to them. You can even use the phrase "when you were a child" to get them to have a little more perspective on the situation. Try not to get irritated if they don't agree with you, at least don't express it because it can turn the wrong way and an argument could erupt. If they're not being realistic or have an archaic way of thinking, perhaps you can use that to your advantage. For example, you can say that there is far more pressure on students to do well in school nowadays, and you're really feeling the heat. A little relaxation won't hurt and will  help relieve stress and tension in school and at home. Don't compare yourself As stupid as this may be, you shouldn't try to compare yourself to Billy, Jane or the next-door neighbour. It may seem like a good idea because you're just showing them what it's like for other people, they may take the wrong idea and start thinking that you're trying to tell them how to raise a child. Obviously being a teen you won't have a clue (unless you're a pregnant mother, but that's another case entirely) on how to do this and they might get angry and take offence. The last thing they want is you telling them how to raise yourself. It can evoke the wrong reaction and then you'll have lost all progress made, so just avoid doing it completely. Reassure them They will no doubt be worried by whatever your proposal, so make sure you reassure them that nothing bad will happen, that you will stay focused on school or whatever and that you'll stay in touch with them by text or something to let them know you're okay. They'll be more open to the situation if you're mature and you'll try to please them in whatever way by reassuring them that you know how to behave and that you won't endanger yourself or put yourself in a bad situation. Give them examples of how you'll do this, such as keeping a study diary, or making sure you're always with a friend if you stay out late, that you inform them where you're going. Be patient and act maturely Don't rush them, let them talk over the idea, even if it takes them a few days or even weeks. If they can see you're being sensible about this and not whining or bitching they're more likely to let you be more independent. If they decide to let you do what you wanted, then great. But if they decide to not let you do it, don't lash out or get angry. Just stay calm and perhaps try again in a few weeks. The important thing is to generally act sensibly and help out around the house, if they can see you're willing to work for what you want and that you compose yourself properly they might be inclined to change their minds. Good luck and I hope this guide has helped you at least somewhat :) -- Posted by Natsy at 9:28 am on Jan. 1, 2009 ok, but mine actually hate me thanks for trying though xx -- Posted by sadnessness at 9:28 am on Jan. 1, 2009 Good advice (i scanned it) -- Posted by GoodFairy13 at 9:29 am on Jan. 1, 2009 Very good. Shall be very helpful. Your time spent doing this is appreciated. -- Posted by ronda at 9:29 am on Jan. 1, 2009 That's pretty good advice, thanks. -- Posted by katbabes at 9:30 am on Jan. 1, 2009 Thats really sweet of you to write this, thanks :) -- Posted by roryboy at 9:31 am on Jan. 1, 2009 I actually consider myself lucky that I have strict parents, along with very protective brothers. Some kids here are getting beat or even worse, ignored. I have been given corporal punishment and it is not the same thing. -- Posted by gman101 at 9:34 am on Jan. 1, 2009 good advice. -- Posted by roflfuckyou at 9:37 am on Jan. 1, 2009 wow. i wish those worked by my parents are beyond that they definitely aren't the first one -- Posted by marshmellowman at 9:44 am on Jan. 1, 2009 Quote: from roflfuckyou at 5:37 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 wow. i wish those worked by my parents are beyond that they definitely aren't the first one A lot of people say that, but then not everyone is in similar situations. Some parents are just cunts, and sadly there's not much one can do about that. -- Posted by roflfuckyou at 9:48 am on Jan. 1, 2009 Quote: from marshmellowman at 4:44 am on Jan. 2, 2009 Quote: from roflfuckyou at 5:37 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 wow.    i wish those worked by my parents are beyond that    they definitely aren't the first one A lot of people say that, but then not everyone is in similar situations. Some parents are just cunts, and sadly there's not much one can do about that. true that im sure this will help a lot of people and ican refer to it for ehelp replies! -- Posted by marshmellowman at 9:53 am on Jan. 1, 2009 Quote: from GoodFairy13 at 5:29 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 Very good.   Shall be very helpful.   Your time spent doing this is appreciated. Thanks, you're welcome :) -- Posted by picklez118 at 12:35 pm on Jan. 12, 2009 good advice -- Posted by blufindr at 4:34 am on Jan. 16, 2009 Hah, wow. Good idea. -- Posted by Sqi 8000 at 9:52 am on Jan. 21, 2009 very useful :D thanks ^^ -- Posted by katesol at 8:59 pm on Jan. 26, 2009 Aw this is cute and nice. =] -- Posted by D A V I D at 3:23 am on Jan. 31, 2009 No one is pussy enough to even read that -- Posted by Bearsy at 8:31 pm on Jan. 31, 2009 funny you'd never see a stickied thread say "a guide to dealing with overprotective or controlling boy/girlfriends.... they do it because they LOVE YOU!" When parents act like control freaks to grown teenagers, it's not love, it's objectification -- Posted by mjinok2 at 9:21 am on Feb. 3, 2009 it wont work. my urges are had to resist now. i want to yell and curse and scream at the top of my lungs. they dont understand me cause im a teen and they were teens when dinosaurs roamed. my whole family hates me, and i was a total accident. to my dad's parents im a spawn of satan. so thanx for tryin, but i dont think it will work for me. -- Posted by nixonlopez at 4:26 pm on Mar. 3, 2009 o so im new to this page and this really helped me alot ... it was nice of u to write all that... but i have one minor problem.... my parents are like hardcore christians and they say im different from the others so like im makes me thing they dont want me sosicalize with noone dats not christian ofcourse ived talked over wit them and their not so hard about it now..... but im abotu to be 18 years old in a couple days and their still with the over protection shit...  i wanna go to college out of town and now ima have to go to a community college because thats in town ..... im gonna try the tolkin with them over and stuff like u adviced to see if they could figure out that theyr doing wrong of course i know they dont wanna leave me alone like most parents tell their kids to leave at 18 but you u know i gotta step up formyself make my own decisions and all because college is just going to feel like high school and in those years its where you gain your experience to go out and challange life once ur done i believe also my mom specially its completly intolerant meaning shes always fighting about how my room looks and all wots good for most people fo her is bad and i have a tedency to erupt cuz i cant stay quiate and when i try talking to them they say '' dont try to be the victim now...'' and that really bothers me becuase im trying to explaing them something a good way and im trying to find a solution for the problem........... i dont know what to do!!!!!!!   -- Posted by gurl420 at 9:34 am on Mar. 6, 2009 that is actually some good advice it works on some parents but not and it also depends on their mood. i know from experience i've done that tried it just all depends on the mood!!!! -- Posted by vicki martin at 8:28 am on Mar. 13, 2009 This is a good idea cuz my mum is too overprotective and i am 17 -- Posted by jsmusicbox at 5:22 pm on Mar. 17, 2009 good luck -- Posted by benjaminj at 1:03 am on Mar. 20, 2009 yah good advice i guess IF the part bout them loving you is true.  in my case NOT and my ___dads ansser to everyting i do wrong is to hit so yah nice love there yah showing dad -- Posted by 4ade at 11:48 pm on Mar. 31, 2009 My parents literally want me to get all A*s in my GCSEs and they expect me to do at least 3 hours of revision a day, sometimes more. I did it for about 6 weeks, some other things happened in my social life and I had a mental break down a few weeks ago, and since then they stopped. -- Posted by Daydreamer3 at 6:54 pm on April 18, 2009 I consider my self lucky to have pretty strict parents...I see the other kids around my age doing whatever they want and just being jerks...And I am glad my parents never let me act like that...I would be ashamed of myself if I ever did. -- Posted by tell me again at 7:07 pm on April 18, 2009 If they're "overprotective" or "controlling".. it's not a good thing. And it shows a real lack of sensitivity or willingness to communicate. While the majority of controlling parents mean well, they're still not in the right. They still need a change of perspective. And just because they aren't horrible enough to make it into "abuse" doesn't meant that the children should tiptoe around it looking for ways to be "mature" instead of making their stand (not that making a stand does any good for most kids). So yeah, most kids in that situation are pretty helpless, whether they're mature or not. -- Posted by nobodysgirl2073 at 3:45 pm on April 19, 2009 Quote: from GoodFairy13 at 9:29 am on Jan. 1, 2009 Very good.   Shall be very helpful.   Your time spent doing this is appreciated. :) -- Posted by FreakaCheaka at 10:09 pm on June 3, 2009 this is good advice! -- Posted by lovergirl101 at 5:40 pm on June 19, 2009 this help me a lot Pages: 1 2  Next