Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic What to do.. Anorexia Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [m]xIsabellex[/m] at 5:39 am on July 2, 2009[quote]I have been trying so hard to get better. But it makes me sick. Every time I eat I picture the food digesting, dirtying my clean insides. I see my control fade away. I try to release how I feel onto the paper, it used to work, now it just makes me more depressed.   I don't want to eat anymore, I want my control back. But I don't want to let down my friend who I promised I would get better. I don't want to lie to her either but I don't know how much longer I can take this food for. I hate it, I hate it so much, I'm about to slip and fall right back into the deep, dark pit I have tried so hard to get out of. Maybe it would just be easier to let myself go..[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post xIsabellex Posted at 5:39 am on July 2, 2009 I have been trying so hard to get better. But it makes me sick. Every time I eat I picture the food digesting, dirtying my clean insides. I see my control fade away. I try to release how I feel onto the paper, it used to work, now it just makes me more depressed.   I don't want to eat anymore, I want my control back. But I don't want to let down my friend who I promised I would get better. I don't want to lie to her either but I don't know how much longer I can take this food for. I hate it, I hate it so much, I'm about to slip and fall right back into the deep, dark pit I have tried so hard to get out of. Maybe it would just be easier to let myself go..

Replies twisted angel Posted at 3:21 am on July 8, 2009 Lol same as u pretty much Sorry about that =/ twisted angel Posted at 3:20 am on July 8, 2009 Your thinking the wrong way, you need to have a healthy balanced diet or you will ruin your body. I know what you mean by hating food and you can think that way, i hate the feeling of food inside of me and always try to get rid of it, but instead of not eating just eat normal and try to not worry about everything else and just keep up the effort of eating becuase not eating would be much much worse twisted angel Posted at 3:20 am on July 8, 2009 Sorry. But if you ended it, obviously he wasn't the best. twisted angel Posted at 3:20 am on July 8, 2009 You'll believe what happened to me, i just got with the best guy on earth......oh opps. my bad. twisted angel Posted at 3:20 am on July 8, 2009 Your thinking the wrong way, you need to have a healthy balanced diet or you will ruin your body. I know what you mean by hating food and you can think that way, i hate the feeling of food inside of me and always try to get rid of it, but instead of not eating just eat normal and try to not worry about everything else and just keep up the effort of eating becuase not eating would be much much worse willis123 Posted at 11:36 am on July 7, 2009 well, for one anorexia makes you really sick. it messes up everything. But is sounds to me that you have more of a mental disorder going on. see a shrink. they can help you get to the bottom of why you feel that you cant eat. oh and dont kill yourself, you may think it will solve your problem but it will just creat so many more problems for EVERYONE you levave behind Cyanotype Posted at 5:55 am on July 6, 2009 You're not making an effort to come out of that pit that you've been trying to get out of. When you're off thinking that food is dirtying your insides, have a look and think about how ingesting something helps. Your body needs something to survive, your muscles need something to take care of, your body needs you to eat something. Seeing it dirty your body is something we can fix. When you're eating something, what do you eat? Is it some fast food concoction? or is it a healthy snack that is a major asset to your health? Either way, you need to get of the mindset, eating the right things provide nothing but a wealth of good for your insides. You're seeing yourself control fade away? At this point for you, it shouldn't be about your control. You need health and seeing your life digest itself away is something your body is trying to prevent. If you want the control of back eat something, but, control yourself while doing so. Do not eat a mountain of food or eat so little you could burn off the calories in an hour. It honestly hurts me to imagine someone is in that process of thought. When times seem that you're going to go down that road again, use your established support system do not fault to it and do yourself bad. Call your friend, file an eHelp, do anything but most importantly, eat something. Scarlet Tears Posted at 2:07 am on July 6, 2009 You've gotten this far already so why ruin it with a single swipe? Was all that effort for nothing? No one said this was going to be easy. If you let yourself fall then the next time you try get up it'll be harder than this time so why go back to all that? Would you honestly rather control over your friends and your health? There are other ways one can have control in their life, you just have to find it. I know exactly how your feeling, by no means is this battle easy but think of your friend and your family and just keep going for their sake. Instead of realising your feelings onto paper, try something new. Perhaps you could take up photography, pottery or even drama. Any thing can work, it all depends on the person. As for you control issues you can find another activity that has the same effect, maybe you could try creating a story? You have total control over characters life's. On that note you could even play the Sims. It's really up to you. I wish you good luck. If you need any thing else or just want to talk feel free to PM me any time. :) Roger25 Posted at 10:54 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from newmie66 at 9:12 pm on July 5, 2009 Sweetie, I know exactly how you're feeling with the whole control issue. I was anorexic for two years and I thought that I was in control, but I was ultimately completely out of control. Please, please, please, find someone that you trust and confide in them. It will be the best thing you ever do for yourself even if it seems difficult now. I am fully recovered and I am honestly in the best shape of my life...and I eat over 2000 calories a day. If you have anything you want to talk about or ask me please don't hesitate to PM me! I'd be happy to talk. This is good advice. See, you are not alone. She can help you out. I can also help you out. I'd be glad to talk to you in PM if you want. You will do it, you will succed. Never lose hope! Others have battled and won and so will you. Hope is never lost. newmie66 Posted at 6:12 pm on July 5, 2009 Sweetie, I know exactly how you're feeling with the whole control issue. I was anorexic for two years and I thought that I was in control, but I was ultimately completely out of control. Please, please, please, find someone that you trust and confide in them. It will be the best thing you ever do for yourself even if it seems difficult now. I am fully recovered and I am honestly in the best shape of my life...and I eat over 2000 calories a day. If you have anything you want to talk about or ask me please don't hesitate to PM me! I'd be happy to talk. katlyndonni Posted at 5:57 am on July 2, 2009 talk to your friend about it, tell her how you're doing. im sure being more open with her first off will help. also, think about it as you're controling your healing, not your failure. good luck, and im here for you :) bigdutchman Posted at 5:50 am on July 2, 2009 It takes a bit (somewhere around 20 days on average) to break a habit. If you keep eating like a normal person does, in time, it'll feel natural to you and you'll stop feeling weird/bad about it. You just have to have the determination to see it through. runthespread Posted at 5:47 am on July 2, 2009 A lot of bodily functions are disgusting when you think about it. Just think about what's going on without that food in you though, it's even worse, and it'll show outside as well. Talk to someone, it can't hurt. Ringmaster B Posted at 5:42 am on July 2, 2009 anyway you should really control your self and force your self to eat and keep it down Ringmaster B Posted at 5:42 am on July 2, 2009 well did you ever think about it as by not eating and wanting to get better you have no control, you need control to make yourself do anything you don't want to, in short you might not be in control if you want to get better and won't eat. Most recent 15 of 16 previous replies displayed.