Part one of what really happened with the commandments.

The old man, Moses (for all you idiots who didn't know that he's the one in the movie), climbed up the steep sides of Mt. Horab, to find himself face to face with his God. He reached the summit and rested for a few minutes, before he saw the almighty eminence crawl towards him. His eyes were blinded momentarily, by the sheer radiance of the holy one's golden 'majestuosity' (yep, I'm a God. I can make up words.).

And the old man almost fell back, unable to contain himself. And the Golden Platypus said, "Hey, dude. How's it hangin'? Man, am I wasted!"

The old man stuttered. His voice caught in his throat, unable to pronounce a single word in awe...

"Yo, beardy, here's the deal. I'm God, ok? So, um... how are we gonna keep my children under control?"

"Oh! Oh, master! Give me twenty five commandments and I guarantee they will follow them blindly!"

The Golden Platypus roared in laughter. "ROFL! LOL LOL LOL!"
And said, "Twenty five commandments?? That's gotta be the lamest idea I've ever heard! No one's gonna follow a list!"

"Trust me, oh great one! They're all stupid and follow anything that sounds important!"

"True... But does it have to be 'Twenty five'? I mean... 'Ten' is such a great marketing number, but Twenty Five? Come on..."

"25, my savior! 25!" (yes, I'm a lazy typist)

"FINE!! GOSH!! ...Lets do what YOU want to do, you big baby!"

And so, they sat down and wrote down a perfect list of 25 commandments. As Moses went back down with his list, he saw the peoples of the world had created golden idols and worshiped them like Gods. He threw his seven pieces of stone, with the commandments on them, and started breaking all the idols and slapping people around and crying about everything. He returned to the Golden Platypus with sad news. He had broken the commandments and people had already started offering golden statues to their god.

"What?! You broke the commandments?? You fucking imbecile!"

"But, master, they had built golden statues! and my rage..."

"I TOLD THEM TO BUILD ME THOSE STATUES, YOU MORON! I FUCKIN' LOVE GOLDEN STATUES!"

And Moses realized his mistake, and cried again.

"Fine, look... whatever, let's just do the tablets again. But it's late and I'm not gonna do all those 25 again. We're gonna do ten and that's it!"

After they had finished with the new revised list of Ten, moses said sadly, "It's too bad we can't fit in the one about raping little kids..."

"Yea, sucks for them. Come on, move it! And look, I already told those dimwits down there to start building me some new idols and golden statues, so you better not fuckin' touch them!"

And so, the Ten commandments were given to the peoples... but we invented porn and forgot about the list.