Being hard of hearing has never really bothered me until now. For whatever reason, I wish I had the chance to grow up with people who understood the challenges that come along with being h.o.h/deaf. I get so frustrated with myself sometimes and frustrated with the way people treat me when they see my hearing aids... and I can't help but get angry and upset. I wish I knew sign language, I wish I understood those who grew up fully submerged in the h.o.h./deaf culture, but I will never fully understand Deaf culture because I grew up in a hearing world.
Growing up, I learned to deal with my frustration and anger and hold it inside. I don't think my parents ever really understood how hard it was for me sometimes to be in a classroom where I was always a little... 'different,' from the other kids. I don't think they understood how much I hated being around people at times or why I was so reserved.
Right now, I just wish I understood the h.o.h of myself more. When I was younger and I saw another kid with hearing aids, I got so excited and felt like I could connect with someone who could share my frustrations. It is the same with me today whenever I see someone with hearing aids... I feel like I am not so alone.
I feel like I keep repeating myself... I guess I am just hoping to find myself and I'm wondering if anyone shares the same frustrations I have.
I finally just told my best friend about my past and how I grew up with it. She started to understand and even apologized about many of her comments. It really helped a lot to tell her about it, not just the fact that she finally understood my frustrations and anger, but it helped me cope with it as well.
What just frustrates me is I get so angry sometimes about not being able to hear something or someone poking fun at me and no one seems to understand why I am upset.
This has never bothered me until now... and I am not sure why.
I just don't notice it, it doesn't even make a difference to me.