Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic So what do you guys think??? Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [mod]eklipse[/mod] at 1:07 pm on July 9, 2009[quote]It sounds very childish and very... not vivid. It's not bad, but I think if you added detail and worked on it just a tad it could look and sound a whole lot better. After all, you are growing up, and you do have a more enhanced vocabulary. Why not use it?[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post heavyrhythm Posted at 1:05 pm on July 9, 2009 So, someone else on my last topic said it sounded emo, (this is a different poem though,) and honestly most of my poetry sounds a bit ilke it. I just have a hard time writing about anything good. But here it is. You're here to stay So it's time to say It's all your fault And it's not ohkay I'm tired of running My lifes not a race So stop playing dumb Or pick up the pace You say you're sorry It's not ohkay I know it may sound a bit 6th grade... But some of my poetry was written when I was in the 6th grade. So overall, what do you think? All critisism is appreciated.

Replies kelley187 Posted at 6:33 pm on July 14, 2009 its got a good kinda beat to it, but it needs more detail. Detail makes a poem. heavyrhythm Posted at 1:16 pm on July 9, 2009 Quote: from The Wolfhound at 1:12 pm on July 9, 2009 "I'm tired of running   ... Or pick up the pace" Do you even care about what you're writing? :-P The poem is about a boy who raped me when a few years ago. And then stalked me. And no one has to believe me, (I didn't figure anyone ever would, which is why I never told.) But that's what it means. "I'm tired of running ... Or pick up the pace" Basically means I'm tired of avoiding you, so stop acting like you don't know why I hate you or just end this weird obsession. Get it? xxxlauraroxzxxx Posted at 1:15 pm on July 9, 2009 its kk...=] The Wolfhound Posted at 1:12 pm on July 9, 2009 "I'm tired of running ... Or pick up the pace" Do you even care about what you're writing? :-P heavyrhythm Posted at 1:12 pm on July 9, 2009 Quote: from Dannyjoe1000 at 1:05 pm on July 9, 2009 YOU HAD A LOVER! Not quite. lol. AloneAngel Posted at 1:08 pm on July 9, 2009 I don't believe in rating any form of art, as it is what it means to the individual that counts. eklipse Posted at 1:07 pm on July 9, 2009 It sounds very childish and very... not vivid. It's not bad, but I think if you added detail and worked on it just a tad it could look and sound a whole lot better. After all, you are growing up, and you do have a more enhanced vocabulary. Why not use it? tearsofyourenemy Posted at 1:06 pm on July 9, 2009 probably a 5/10 it's not bad but it definitely needs some work Dannyjoe1000 Posted at 1:05 pm on July 9, 2009 YOU HAD A LOVER! All 9 previous replies displayed.