Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic POEM - any good? guess the meaning =) Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [mod]eklipse[/mod] at 6:17 pm on July 5, 2009[quote]I don't really like the whole structure of your poem. I do like the meaning, it's really cute. I wouldn't suggest starting stanzas with 'And'.[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post well well well Posted at 6:15 pm on July 5, 2009 It looks so silly. The way I see him, always holding an umbrella, even when there isn't rain. And then I laugh, and then he smiles, still holding his umbrella, still on a sunny day. But then I hear a clap of thunder, and the sky splits over, and showers me with rain. And I look at myself, and feel so silly, not holding an umbrella, even though I'm in the rain. And I look at him, who's happy, holding his umbrella, sheltered from the rain. And he holds his out to me, and gives me his umbrella, because i'm in the rain. And I laugh, he looks so silly, without an umbrella, standing in the rain.

Replies virginia287 Posted at 6:25 pm on July 5, 2009 cute meaning, the line breaks take away from it bit. The wording needs to be cleaned up, some of its redundant, but like i said it was sweet :) well well well Posted at 6:21 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from ehmusic at 6:19 pm on July 5, 2009 Your line breaks are working against your poem. It's a rather cute poem, better than a lot of stuff posted on here, but it needs a little bit of work. Then meaning wasn't hidden at all, it was obvious from the start. Although I think that making it a bit more hard to figure out would be a good idea. i appreciate the critism. but if i may ask, what is it you think the meaning is? because if i do say so myself, it probably isn't what you're thinking.  it isn't that my friend would do anything for me, or that he protects me =) thanks for the compliments, and i'm gonna be writin a second draft now! ehmusic Posted at 6:19 pm on July 5, 2009 Your line breaks are working against your poem.  It's a rather cute poem, better than a lot of stuff posted on here, but it needs a little bit of work.  Then meaning wasn't hidden at all, it was obvious from the start.  Although I think that making it a bit more hard to figure out would be a good idea. Areola Posted at 6:19 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from well well well at 9:16 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from Katx at 6:16 pm on July 5, 2009 It's okay, not anything great.   didn't expect it to be =) wrote it about my best friend, on the spot. but.  i love that friend. Well, writing is meant to make yourself happy. So if you like it, that's what counts. And writing for others is always great. well well well Posted at 6:18 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from The Academy at 6:17 pm on July 5, 2009 I don't really like the whole structure of your poem. I do like the meaning, it's really cute. I wouldn't suggest starting stanzas with 'And'. I have a REALLLL problem with that, even when i'm writing prose! hahaha. it's terrible every other sentence is "and" aejae Posted at 6:17 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from Katx at 6:16 pm on July 5, 2009 It's okay, not anything great. eklipse Posted at 6:17 pm on July 5, 2009 I don't really like the whole structure of your poem. I do like the meaning, it's really cute. I wouldn't suggest starting stanzas with 'And'. well well well Posted at 6:16 pm on July 5, 2009 Quote: from Katx at 6:16 pm on July 5, 2009 It's okay, not anything great. didn't expect it to be =) wrote it about my best friend, on the spot. but. i love that friend. Areola Posted at 6:16 pm on July 5, 2009 It's okay, not anything great. All 9 previous replies displayed.