That's great and all, it's nice that I've stopped... but as more time passes, I get more angry that I can't. I actually get upset that I can't cut or the like, and I get sad as well. Of course, cutting solves nothing, but in a weird sense, I feel like it can achieve at least a small level of happiness for myself (not curing the problems, but at least I don't have to be frustrated about not being able to do it).
This being said... is it impossible to think that it could help in any sense? That it's still just a momentary solution that does nothing, even given the fact that it actually makes me worse that I ~can't~ do it?
Mind you, I know I probably can't go back... so I'll be "stuck" if you will... but what's you views? I take it most of you will say it's always bad... which believe it or not, I would agree. I just feel otherwise (if that makes any sense).
Any thoughts?
Yeah, you may get a small sense of relief from cutting, but as i said. long term is better. try going to see a therapist, or talking to an adult you trust. that will help much more then cutting. yes, it does make sense. but sadly, it wont help. relapses are normal, and promises arent the best thing to do because then you feel terrible if you break it.
If you do need help, feel free to message me. im also struggling to overcome this. good luck.
Quote: from Just Waiting Here at 5:29 pm on July 6, 2009 No, not off topic. It's a good point... that "Self-harm does not define you". As I said in another post... it's like I need the scars, or the blood to prove a point. To prove that something is wrong... to make it be part of who I am, in a sense. Of course, the hardest part is getting myself to believe myself when I tell it something. Logically, my head functions pretty well (Surprisingly!). It's getting the emotions to agree with it -__-'. :) Hah, I understand. :P It's more of something that you have to work on. One of the main reasons I self-harm is because I'm unable to get my emotions across to people, and it's easier to show than tell. However, because of a promise (promises and cutting seem to go hand in hand!) I made, I've been working on letting my emotions be known. I usually tend to send e-mails rather than say it face to face, it's so much easier, and even when I do that, I only tend to do it once a month at most. It takes a whileeee to get your emotions to go along with what you're telling yourself. Even after almost a year of trying to fulfill that promise, I don't do it often, and only recently have I actually been "talking" about my feelings (I still tend to pussy foot around the problem, lol).
No, not off topic. It's a good point... that "Self-harm does not define you". As I said in another post... it's like I need the scars, or the blood to prove a point. To prove that something is wrong... to make it be part of who I am, in a sense. Of course, the hardest part is getting myself to believe myself when I tell it something. Logically, my head functions pretty well (Surprisingly!). It's getting the emotions to agree with it -__-'. :)
Of course, the hardest part is getting myself to believe myself when I tell it something. Logically, my head functions pretty well (Surprisingly!). It's getting the emotions to agree with it -__-'. :)
Hah, I understand. :P It's more of something that you have to work on.
One of the main reasons I self-harm is because I'm unable to get my emotions across to people, and it's easier to show than tell. However, because of a promise (promises and cutting seem to go hand in hand!) I made, I've been working on letting my emotions be known. I usually tend to send e-mails rather than say it face to face, it's so much easier, and even when I do that, I only tend to do it once a month at most.
It takes a whileeee to get your emotions to go along with what you're telling yourself. Even after almost a year of trying to fulfill that promise, I don't do it often, and only recently have I actually been "talking" about my feelings (I still tend to pussy foot around the problem, lol).
I do tend to keep to myself. But I never let cutting speak for me. I didn't tell anyone, and no one ever knew. Not until I snapped one day and told my parents... and all I got from my dad was, "Why are you doing this to me?". And when my mother brought it up some months later and asked if I still cut, I said no and stated because my boyfriend had asked me to. And all she said was, "You stopped for him, but you wouldn't stop for us."
It's amazing how a sentence can stay with you. But needless to say, showing emotions often times causes me more trouble. I'm lucky, because I do have my boyfriend who I can talk to and am open with. He puts up with me (not sure how), but we even have a system that when I get into a mood, he'll bring me paper and pen so we can 'talk'. Because when I get upset, I go silent. Sometimes I won't talk for hours unless absolutely necessary... but writing is much easier (As you said).
I haven't cut in a long time, but I've spent many years trying to control my emotions. I've had some improvement, but nothing really significant for the time I've spent on it :). But at least it's something.
I guess I see depression as a weakness for me (though I don't consider it a weakness for someone else). Who knows... I suppose it's just a game you have to keep on playing...
I'm going to be different. Cutting IS a helpful strategy and and one that is a coping strategy fir many people. However it isn't healthy. I regard it in much the same way as alcoholism; it's a problem in that it's unhealthy but people do it for a reason. People cut because they want a release, because they feel that they want to express some repressed anger, because they want to show their scars as physical as well as mental, and because they like to see themselves bleed as punishment or as pleasure. It brings many of the same releases as alcoholism and is just as damaging to the person in terms of being an unhealthy coping strategy that needs replacing with something better. I think that in the short term it's better than dying. If the choice is kill yourself, go insane, or cut then the obvious choice is cut, much as the alcoholic's obvious choice is to drink. That doesn't make it the healthy choice though. I don't think you should cut, even though I understand why you might. I think it's unhealthy and might lead to further problems and harm to yourself. But having said that at some times it must seem like the lesser of all evils and the best possible solution and I can understand your desire to do so. So yeah, I understand it as a coping mechanism and I think it's better than dying if that's your choice. But no, it's no more healthy than many other poor coping mechanisms. But then we all do shit we're ashamed of when we just want to cope.
I think that in the short term it's better than dying. If the choice is kill yourself, go insane, or cut then the obvious choice is cut, much as the alcoholic's obvious choice is to drink. That doesn't make it the healthy choice though. I don't think you should cut, even though I understand why you might. I think it's unhealthy and might lead to further problems and harm to yourself. But having said that at some times it must seem like the lesser of all evils and the best possible solution and I can understand your desire to do so.
So yeah, I understand it as a coping mechanism and I think it's better than dying if that's your choice. But no, it's no more healthy than many other poor coping mechanisms. But then we all do shit we're ashamed of when we just want to cope.
Yeah... but what about someone that isn't an alcoholic, but when something comes up, they decide to go out one night and get wasted?
If I went back to cutting now, chances are, it wouldn't be all that frequent. I've never cut that deeply and I sterlize everything before and after. Of course, something could happen, just like something could happen with one night of being drunk... but for the most part I'm in control.
I'm also in no means suicidal. I think about suicide, but more because it's something I can't control. I won't act on it (though I do worry I may lose myself one day).
In the end, I guess that doesn't change it being healthy or not. But well, I don't know if it's also healthy to be in emotional pain as well.
I dunno... I keep telling myself I should buy one of those stress balls... like the one's you squeeze. Something makes me feel like that will solve all my problems!
Quote: from Just Waiting Here at 5:07 pm on July 6, 2009 I've thought about that. But then again, I've always liked the thought of blood and pain... I guess my issue is this... sometimes I fall into a horrible state, and the mental state I'm in hurts me more than anything. A simple cut that's nothing medically serious or anything close stops it at that. I'd much rather put a bandaid on an arm that sit in bed for hours trying to keep myself from screaming. The main reason behind it is that I'm still convinced I deserve it in some sense... It's hard to explain, but in a sense, I'm taking an 'easy way out' and that it's too simple this way (strange, because it's MUCH harder this way in my opinion)... Hopefully that kind of made some sense... I understand what you mean, no need to explain, since I myself am a self-harmer. I cannot argue in the benefit of self-harm because when I actually do get into that mood, I have a tendency to want to destroy anything that I can get my hands on, and that's usually my own body. And, in the end, I'm bruised and bleeding and in extreme pain. It's a mess trying to hide the after effect, especially during the summer. However, I cannot argue against the benefit of self-harm because it does help with calming me down and from hurting others. I'd rather not to that and feel even MORE guilty. Sometimes writing hurtful and angry e-mails/rants help. I tend to get extremely mad, and when I feel that want to destroy coming on, I sit down and I write a shit storm of insanity down and just curse and curse at what I'm mad/annoyed it. After, I delete the text, but it helps a LOT. It's sort of an alternative. I think you just have to keep telling yourself that your self-harm does not define you. I hope I'm not ranting or going off topic. :(
I've thought about that. But then again, I've always liked the thought of blood and pain... I guess my issue is this... sometimes I fall into a horrible state, and the mental state I'm in hurts me more than anything. A simple cut that's nothing medically serious or anything close stops it at that. I'd much rather put a bandaid on an arm that sit in bed for hours trying to keep myself from screaming. The main reason behind it is that I'm still convinced I deserve it in some sense... It's hard to explain, but in a sense, I'm taking an 'easy way out' and that it's too simple this way (strange, because it's MUCH harder this way in my opinion)... Hopefully that kind of made some sense...
I guess my issue is this... sometimes I fall into a horrible state, and the mental state I'm in hurts me more than anything. A simple cut that's nothing medically serious or anything close stops it at that. I'd much rather put a bandaid on an arm that sit in bed for hours trying to keep myself from screaming.
The main reason behind it is that I'm still convinced I deserve it in some sense... It's hard to explain, but in a sense, I'm taking an 'easy way out' and that it's too simple this way (strange, because it's MUCH harder this way in my opinion)...
Hopefully that kind of made some sense...
I understand what you mean, no need to explain, since I myself am a self-harmer.
I cannot argue in the benefit of self-harm because when I actually do get into that mood, I have a tendency to want to destroy anything that I can get my hands on, and that's usually my own body. And, in the end, I'm bruised and bleeding and in extreme pain. It's a mess trying to hide the after effect, especially during the summer. However, I cannot argue against the benefit of self-harm because it does help with calming me down and from hurting others. I'd rather not to that and feel even MORE guilty.
Sometimes writing hurtful and angry e-mails/rants help. I tend to get extremely mad, and when I feel that want to destroy coming on, I sit down and I write a shit storm of insanity down and just curse and curse at what I'm mad/annoyed it. After, I delete the text, but it helps a LOT. It's sort of an alternative.
I think you just have to keep telling yourself that your self-harm does not define you.
I hope I'm not ranting or going off topic. :(
No, not off topic. It's a good point... that "Self-harm does not define you". As I said in another post... it's like I need the scars, or the blood to prove a point. To prove that something is wrong... to make it be part of who I am, in a sense.
Quote: from RubberTrees at 5:03 pm on July 6, 2009 Quote: from bluebutterfly4ever at 4:58 pm on July 6, 2009 no it does not "Of course, cutting solves nothing" you even said it You're thinking about it the wrong way. Having friends really doesn't do anything, but you have them because...? Of what? They make you happy? For some reason, right? Now try thinking of cutting in the same way. For some people, it actually calms them down, and it's a way to release anger or sadness. I don't mean to offend, but you cannot seriously consider "having friends" and "cutting" to be one in the same. It's not even a remotely effective analogy.
Quote: from bluebutterfly4ever at 4:58 pm on July 6, 2009 no it does not "Of course, cutting solves nothing" you even said it You're thinking about it the wrong way. Having friends really doesn't do anything, but you have them because...? Of what? They make you happy? For some reason, right? Now try thinking of cutting in the same way. For some people, it actually calms them down, and it's a way to release anger or sadness.
no it does not "Of course, cutting solves nothing" you even said it
You're thinking about it the wrong way. Having friends really doesn't do anything, but you have them because...? Of what? They make you happy? For some reason, right? Now try thinking of cutting in the same way. For some people, it actually calms them down, and it's a way to release anger or sadness.
Have you ever thought of cutting? Or have you ever done it before? I can understand the analogy, and while it may seem farfetched to you, it has a good grounds to it. Having friends can serve the same purpose, the difference being that it's socially acceptable.
Quote: from mbs55 at 5:21 pm on July 6, 2009 I don't mean to offend, but you cannot seriously consider "having friends" and "cutting" to be one in the same. It's not even a remotely effective analogy. I honestly don't believe that having friends is a necessary thing in life, which is why I compared it to cutting because I don't believe that's a necessary thing either.
I don't mean to offend, but you cannot seriously consider "having friends" and "cutting" to be one in the same. It's not even a remotely effective analogy.
I honestly don't believe that having friends is a necessary thing in life, which is why I compared it to cutting because I don't believe that's a necessary thing either.
Hi again :D Those promise things always bothered me. I never made a promise with my therapist not to cut, but my mom and my friends were always trying to push that threat on me. "If you cut, I am going to (threatening action). You've got to promise me you won't do it." People who don't cut can't understand that it's not just a "okay, I'll never do it again! I promise" sort of thing. And then, if you're in a situation like you are now, you feel even worse if you relapse into cutting again. Plus, like you said, all those bad emotions you get are from the promise, which makes you want to self-harm even more. I think the best promise you can make is to yourself, that way you're not letting anyone else down. You might feel bad... BUT it's up to YOU to keep yourself happy. You aren't responsible for anyone else's feelings based on your actions. (Okay, I'm going to get off my soap box and go back to what you were saying in your post, lol) I've thought about the idea that it could be beneficial for present moment. That's a dangerous thought for me. It really does feel like it helps at the time. But at the same time, you're doing harm to your body. It's a hassle to hide. I end up feeling more depressed and guilty later. (That's what I always have to remember.) On one hand, I want to tell you to forget the promise since it's causing you so much angst. On the other hand, the promise SORT of sounds like it keeps you from cutting. If you feel like you can use your own strength to not cut, rather than keeping up with the friend promise, I think you would feel more relieved.
Those promise things always bothered me. I never made a promise with my therapist not to cut, but my mom and my friends were always trying to push that threat on me. "If you cut, I am going to (threatening action). You've got to promise me you won't do it." People who don't cut can't understand that it's not just a "okay, I'll never do it again! I promise" sort of thing. And then, if you're in a situation like you are now, you feel even worse if you relapse into cutting again. Plus, like you said, all those bad emotions you get are from the promise, which makes you want to self-harm even more.
I think the best promise you can make is to yourself, that way you're not letting anyone else down. You might feel bad... BUT it's up to YOU to keep yourself happy. You aren't responsible for anyone else's feelings based on your actions.
(Okay, I'm going to get off my soap box and go back to what you were saying in your post, lol)
I've thought about the idea that it could be beneficial for present moment. That's a dangerous thought for me. It really does feel like it helps at the time. But at the same time, you're doing harm to your body. It's a hassle to hide. I end up feeling more depressed and guilty later. (That's what I always have to remember.)
On one hand, I want to tell you to forget the promise since it's causing you so much angst. On the other hand, the promise SORT of sounds like it keeps you from cutting. If you feel like you can use your own strength to not cut, rather than keeping up with the friend promise, I think you would feel more relieved.
I made the promise under the context that I could do it, because I knew I could stop. And I did stop.
I don't have trouble hiding scars, because I do it in places that no one would ever see, except for on person, my boyfriend. Of course, he's also the person I made the promise to. It wasn't a forced thing... Of course like you said, the promise seems to be what's keeping my like this. And I can't decide whether or not that's a good thing or a bad.
More than anything, if I do cut, it only hurts my boyfriend more. My family wouldn't find out about it, not again.. but if they did for any reason, it hurts them too. I know that one of the most important things in my life is making others happy, and so not cutting for others is something that I can do... but it makes me wonder... And that's now how anyone should be, because you should respect yourself and appreciate yourself. Am I doing that by not cutting? It's almost like a paradox. Can I truly care about myself if I'm physically hurting myself? And I can't make myself happy if I'm hurting other people through it...
I spend a lot of time trying to analyze myself and my thoughts. I would never have agreed to the promise if I didn't know I could do it and if I wasn't ready. I didn't realize that it would come back later to haunt me. I have no intention of cutting regularly, but rather being free of the guilt if I turn to it on occasion when something comes up. Never serious, never close to death... simply put, I can't afford going to a doctor for something like this. Even before, I would always sterilize everything before and after, and never cut deep enough to need medical attention(strange, no?).
Who knows... at the end of the day, I don't even think I could ask my boyfriend to end the promise that we made. I think that would hurt him (like you had mentioned in the other topic), even if he said yes. In it's own sense, I'd rather suffer through my own emotional pain than have someone else have to suffer through theirs...
Quote: from Just Waiting Here at 2:02 pm on July 6, 2009 Quote: from GlassHearts at 1:58 pm on July 6, 2009 Not at all. Just = nasty scars that keep reminding you, and make you more depressed. I was always a mild cutter, very careful. I do have some faint scars, but none that people would notice were there... but that's my problem. The fact that the scars are starting to go away makes me upset and angry. In it's own sense, I get depressed because I don't have them. Maybe its a case of the scars representing your past and your struggle and if they are gone then its as if all that struggle is eresed and forgotten about.
Quote: from GlassHearts at 1:58 pm on July 6, 2009 Not at all. Just = nasty scars that keep reminding you, and make you more depressed. I was always a mild cutter, very careful. I do have some faint scars, but none that people would notice were there... but that's my problem. The fact that the scars are starting to go away makes me upset and angry. In it's own sense, I get depressed because I don't have them.
Not at all. Just = nasty scars that keep reminding you, and make you more depressed.
Just = nasty scars that keep reminding you, and make you more depressed.
I was always a mild cutter, very careful. I do have some faint scars, but none that people would notice were there... but that's my problem. The fact that the scars are starting to go away makes me upset and angry. In it's own sense, I get depressed because I don't have them.
I've thought of that as well (I think I spend too much time thinking -__-). I think that may be part of it... In it's own sense, I think I need the scars to show me that even if there's nothing concrete that's wrong, there's clearly something there that's pushing me to this point. In it's own sense, it's like a reminder that it's ok to be depressed and it's ok to be sad...
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