Other kids think I am gay and they make fun of gays. Most of my friends are girls. I feel more comfortable with a girl.

I also like this girl and I want to date her but I think this is just because I want to really see if I am gay.

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CONFUSED YOU ARE, Young Paddewan.

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It could be a couple of things. In society, in general we are bought up to believe that a conventional relationship is between a man and a woman, and that this is what we should strive to achieve. This is wrong.

What we really need to strive to achieve is our own happiness, at the end of the day. So be with whoever.

Don't worry about it too much, you're still young, and a lot of people have a sexuality crisis when they're younger. Experiment, if you like. Just relax, it's not that big a deal. At the end of the day, we are not determined by the person we choose to sleep with, but by how much we love them. gender should never be an issue.

And there is no reason you should want to be gay rather than bi. You can't want a sexuality, you just are. So, stop worrying about it, and just let things fall into place naturally, because they will, given time.

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You're the apfel strudel of mein eye.

What Would Thora Hird Do?

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CONFUSED YOU ARE, Young Paddewan.

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You just confirmed my general opinion of star wars characters and fans...

Second, I think that it is important to distinguish between what you want to be and what you are. Wanting to have a wife and kids doesn't make you straight; being exclusively attracted to the other sex does. Similarly, not wanting to be attracted to both sexes (to one degree or another) doesn't mean that you aren't.

I know that I can find women attractive, and sometimes even have something of a crush on cute girls (though not like I would on a guy). It's normal for straight people to find the same sex attractive and gay people to do the same for the opposite, just on a different level than with the preferred sex. That goes back to the whole box thing; I'm definitely gay, and wouldn't ever want to have sex with a girl, but I can appreciate them.

Obviously this may be more than a little too personal to post on LW, but consider what you think about when you masturbate. Before puberty, when I didn't really have sexual attractions, I had no idea that I was gay and would even think about girls in a quasi-sexual manner; I realized that I was gay when I hit puberty and noticed that when it came to really sexual thoughts/ getting off, only guys were on my mind.

The bottom line is sometimes sexuality is more complicated and ambiguous than we might think. You're 15; there's plenty of time for you to explore what's going on inside of you and where you stand. Experiment a bit; look at different kinds of porn, date different genders (if you're OK with dating a guy). There's no reason to rush into making a label for yourself; just try to be pay attention to the different feelings of attraction that you have without passing judgment on them. You'll figure it out.

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"Hey, that's not very nice, Mayor--
just because a person's gay doesn't mean he's a fag!"
-Stan

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First off, it's OK to not label yourself. People can get very caught up about what box they should fit in and then try to make themselves that; it's often better to just let go of the idea of picking what category you fit in to (straight/ bi-curious/ bi/ gay/ pansexual/ whatever) and just go with what you feel. Experiment for awhile.

Second, I think that it is important to distinguish between what you want to be and what you are. Wanting to have a wife and kids doesn't make you straight; being exclusively attracted to the other sex does. Similarly, not wanting to be attracted to both sexes (to one degree or another) doesn't mean that you aren't.  

I know that I can find women attractive, and sometimes even have something of a crush on cute girls (though not like I would on a guy). It's normal for straight people to find the same sex attractive and gay people to do the same for the opposite, just on a different level than with the preferred sex. That goes back to the whole box thing; I'm definitely gay, and wouldn't ever want to have sex with a girl, but I can appreciate them.  

Obviously this may be more than a little too personal to post on LW, but consider what you think about when you masturbate. Before puberty, when I didn't really have sexual attractions, I had no idea that I was gay and would even think about girls in a quasi-sexual manner; I realized that I was gay when I hit puberty and noticed that when it came to really sexual thoughts/ getting off, only guys were on my mind.

The bottom line is sometimes sexuality is more complicated and ambiguous than we might think. You're 15; there's plenty of time for you to explore what's going on inside of you and where you stand. Experiment a bit; look at different kinds of porn, date different genders (if you're OK with dating a guy). There's no reason to rush into making a label for yourself; just try to be pay attention to the different feelings of attraction that you have without passing judgment on them. You'll figure it out.

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