I'm usually a really happy and outgoing person with a varied life that is always hectic and vibrant. Everyone has low points and I'm no exception but recently I've felt very confused and quite upset.

I'm nearly 21 and have no experience with guys at all- never been kissed, had a boyfriend, had sex, nothing even remotely small.

I'm not so pessimistic as to think I'll never find someone as I'm sure SOMEONE would want to be with me at SOME point in life but I feel EXTREMELY insecure about myself. On the outside I never let anyone see and can feel REALLY good about yself at times but it's a weird kind of insecurity, I just don't feel like ANY guy is ever going to want me- and I KNOW this goes against what I just said but you HAVE to keep SOME element of positivity and I can't be alone all of my life but it feels like it sometimes!

I just don't feel attractive at all, no guy has ever expressed ANY wish to ever want to be close to me in that way and I'm not ugly or nasty (I've been told I'm quite pretty and people are surprised I've never dated) but I feel as if no guy would want me. I'm NOT sexy or flirty (and people have told me) but always take a lot of care in my appearance and have a quirky dress sense and love fashion.  

To cut a long story short, I've never had a guy show any interest in me and I feel so yucky at the moment because a few things have happened that have made me feel so awful about myself and I don't know if I'm doing something completely wrong. I don't ever get to meet guys except in classes and I know all of my fellow students by now so attracting someone is key...and I just don't.

Any advice on why this may be?

If anyone is going to say, be flirty etc then that's just not me. I look ridiculous and feel ridiculous and people have commented saying I'm not the kind of gir to pull this kind of thing off and I don't have enough confidence to do this. I'm very secure with WHO I am and am happy about that but I don't seem to be the kind of person people fancy or are attracted to and that sucks.

It takes a LOT for me to be open and honest with people and would (because I'd grab the chance with both hands) tell a guy I liked him if I felt secure with him but I never get close enough to a guy to get to known him well enough and if I ever do, they just never think of me as ANYTHING other than a friend.
I just wish I knew the secret or trick that most other girls seem to have because I look around every day and ALL kinds of girls have would I'd love to have but I have never had it or come even remotely close.

x

Post edited at 6:39 pm on Aug. 19, 2009 by Anonymous

Sorry if it was too long- I just felt as if I needed some advice.

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I am, steadfastly, and it has got me absolutely nowhere so far!
I don't intend on changing who I am but maybe I could approach things differently...

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You sound like a confident person who's doing everything right but that right guy hasn't come along so its confusing.  Sure, people can tell you to be patient but its hard.  Flirting is a key element in differentiating a friend vs. a potential bf/gf.  If flirting isn't to your interest, then that may be one of the reasons guys might put you in the friend category.  Have you thought about not being outrageously flirtatious but little hints like lets grab coffee or dinner sometime?