Its 3am so its physical but thats not the point of the topic.

I'm emotionally and mentally tired.

I cant keep on dealing with things, I attempt to put a brave face on everything and make like I'm alright but I know that I'm not. There is no part of my life that isn't affected by something that upsets me.

On a morning I cant go and see my friends because they are all at college and I dropped out.

During the day I get phone calls describing how much fun they are all having while I am on my own day in day out.

Then in the afternoon I get people on msn, or texting or calling me to ask me to help them with various problems.I know its nice to help people but I cant deal with it anymore, I try to be there for everyone else because nobody is there for me.

Then at night I am awake for most of it because I'm scared to sleep because I get such bad nightmares all the time. Things that scare me so much that I don't want to sleep anymore.

I'm scared of myself. I know that not seeing friends isn't a reason to be too upset. Thats how I know that there must be something worse behind it all.

But whatever it is I know that I am just too tired to find out what it is. I just want to give up. I am trying so hard to see a reason not to give up but I cant find one.

I'm just so sick of my whole existence.

I'm not even sure why I am writing this, I think its because I'm feeling suicidal. I don't know what anyone can do to help though.

But if anyone can offer some amazing bit of information, or if someone can shed some light on any part of this. If anyone can help me just a bit then I would be grateful. I'm just so scared of what I could do to myself that I need help.

I can tell you know that you aren't alone here. There are so many people out there that would be willing to help you out. All you would have to do is ask for their help. If you are feeling suicidal, I suggest you go and speak to a therapist over this. Don't suffer in silence. Depression is a very hard thing to overcome and its not going to be easy but you can do it! You just need to believe in yourself. Please consider speaking to a therapist and start to overcome this now.

Since you are having a hard time dealing with everything right now, you could really use a friend who is there for you throughout this. Having someone there just to talk about how you feel will really help you out as you'll feel a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You wouldn't have to deal with everything on your own. Bottling up your feelings isn't something you want to do. Having a friend knowing what you are dealing with will help you with that. You won't be keeping everything to yourself. Whenever you felt down or sad, you could call you your friend and they can help keep your mind off things. You could even get an online private blog or keep a diary and write everything there instead. It is up to you though whichever you want to do.

You said you give advice to all your friends when they ask for it but don't get anything in return. However, when you need someone to speak to, do you actually as for help from a friend? Your friends will always be there for you and try there absolute best to help you out but honestly, there is only so much they can do to help you and offer advice. I suggested above about speaking to a friend and I do think it would be a great start to help you out. Another thing is to make sure you take care of yourself before others. You seem like you put your friends needs ahead of your own when you really should be taking care of yourself before anyone else.

I think you were right when you said not being able to see your friends has something to do with how you are feeling. I also think dropping out of college would have something to do with this also. Everything has just suddenly changed now. Just because you aren't in college anymore, doesn't mean you won't be able to see your friends. You have the weekends to hang out and catch up as well as the evening times when they come home from college. Try to keep yourself busy from now on with other things. Don't just sit at home feeling like you want to give up. What is that going to do for you? You could be out in the world doing things you enjoy! Go out and do something with your life. Do you have a job? If not, try looking for one. You could even look into starting another course in September. Only if this is possible of course.

I hope I helped you out somehow. If you ever need someone to talk too, message me anytime. My inbox is always open. I wish you the very best of luck and hope things work out for you.