the fact that you're yet to join means that you have plenty of time to think things through, sort out your head before deployment, but I'd advise you to do this first. As RMC, your principle role is combat, so I'm unsure as to why you would want to join up for the role if you haven't considered your own mortality in depth. If you wanted a safe job, you've picked the wrong field to go into. War is a scary thing, and first time in theatre positively terrifying, or so I'm told. You need to look at these  things in depth. If you're already in, then you may want to go and talk to your Padre about these kind of things, whether you're religious or not, they're often good people to run things by.

You talk about the attitude that you put on, and I assure you that isn't unusual. It's part of the role your taking on, the bravado, the bullshit. I assure you, every man in your troop will be feeling exactly the same.

Fear is good, it reminds you of your own mortality, and stops you from doing stupid things. But talk to someone about that fear, make sure you're not making a decision that you're going to regret.

Good luck.

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I drink too much, I smoke too much, I gamble too much. I am too much.