Secondly...Thats where my best friend comes to play.
She is in love with me, she has deep feelings for me, her girlfriend told me that.
Well, I've always had feelings for her, always...
But I know theres a strong chance that we wouldn't work out, and that kills me.
I want her so bad...
She and I aren't really allowed to hang out much...
We almost kissed once...But I stopped it...
We cuddle and hold hands constantly.
She has gone as far as to say we could be friends with benefits, anything to be close to me...

I just don't know what to do, I'm so torn...I'm stuck because I love my girlfriend and would never wanna hurt or lose her...
Yet, I have such deep and long-living feelings for my best friend that have almost never left me...But I haven't persued it in fear of losing her.
What should I do?? Please help...

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Why so serious?

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Well, you're kind of screwing over your current girlfriend because you have strong feelings for your best friend. I'd bail on the long distance and go for the best friend.

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The problem with long distance is that you don't have anything physical.  Over the internet, it's easy to get so close because you don't have any restrictions.  You aren't as worried about being judged, so you get rapidly close together... sometimes, this can feel like love when you're really just close friends.  Sometimes it can be more than that.

The issue is that it becomes difficult, and you start to doubt.  If you have someone that is closer to you that you think MIGHT work, then it's only going to get harder with your long distance relationship.  The fact that you already have doubts and know that you're interested in your best friend suggests that you may want to get out of the long distance relationship before you hurt yourself or the other girl.

Ultimately, you know yourself the best... but it's only natural that if you're presented the option of a relationship that is more "real" (ie, you can actualy touch and see the person), that you'll become more attracted to that individual.  The one that's farther away leaves you more susceptible to doubt and sadness, so it becomes easier to abandon to something that seems 'more plausible'.

Again, you know your emotions better... you should take some time to really think about what is right.  Would you regret never trying things with your best friend?  Would you regret losing the girl over the internet?  How long will this be a long distance relationship?  If there's no chance for you two to be together for years, is it really worth trying it out?  And what happens if you do try it out for a few years long distance, and when you finally get a chance to live near each other, you realize that that person is no longer the person you fell in love with in the first place?

Think those things over... I'm not going to say that long distance never works.  Again, it worked for me, but we were only long distance for 9 months before we got a chance to live nearby one another.  But I had another friend that was long distance for well over a year, and neither of them could do it anymore and they broke up.

So think about it... it's ultimately up to you and your feelings... but really consider what ~you~ think is best for ~you~.

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Long distance is hard, I've been through it and I know how tough it is. Personally, it worked out for my boyfriend and I. But I've also seen it not work out for other relationships.

The problem with long distance is that you don't have anything physical. Over the internet, it's easy to get so close because you don't have any restrictions. You aren't as worried about being judged, so you get rapidly close together... sometimes, this can feel like love when you're really just close friends. Sometimes it can be more than that.

The issue is that it becomes difficult, and you start to doubt. If you have someone that is closer to you that you think MIGHT work, then it's only going to get harder with your long distance relationship. The fact that you already have doubts and know that you're interested in your best friend suggests that you may want to get out of the long distance relationship before you hurt yourself or the other girl.

Ultimately, you know yourself the best... but it's only natural that if you're presented the option of a relationship that is more "real" (ie, you can actualy touch and see the person), that you'll become more attracted to that individual. The one that's farther away leaves you more susceptible to doubt and sadness, so it becomes easier to abandon to something that seems 'more plausible'.

Again, you know your emotions better... you should take some time to really think about what is right. Would you regret never trying things with your best friend? Would you regret losing the girl over the internet? How long will this be a long distance relationship? If there's no chance for you two to be together for years, is it really worth trying it out? And what happens if you do try it out for a few years long distance, and when you finally get a chance to live near each other, you realize that that person is no longer the person you fell in love with in the first place?

Think those things over... I'm not going to say that long distance never works. Again, it worked for me, but we were only long distance for 9 months before we got a chance to live nearby one another. But I had another friend that was long distance for well over a year, and neither of them could do it anymore and they broke up.

So think about it... it's ultimately up to you and your feelings... but really consider what ~you~ think is best for ~you~.

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Ah, you make alot of sense...xD
My girlfriend and I it could be a year or two before we could finally meet, and that would still be rare.
But my best friend and I aren't really allowed to hang out either, so its a shit situation either way, you know?

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Why so serious?

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Ah, you make alot of sense...xD
My girlfriend and I it could be a year or two before we could finally meet, and that would still be rare.
But my best friend and I aren't really allowed to hang out either, so its a shit situation either way, you know?

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Of course, but there's nothing saying that you have to be in a relationship either.  You may find that right now it's better not to be in either relationship.  That's always an option too :).  You know your situation better though... the best you can do is give youself some time to yourself and seriously think it over and see if that clears up your thoughts and what you want any more.

At the end of the day, there is no 'right' choice.  You can make what you think is the 'best' choice for you, and who knows how it'll turn out.  But whatever happens, just try not to regret it. :)

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Quote: from Poisonetta at 12:08 pm on July 5, 2009

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 Ah, you make alot of sense...xD  
 My girlfriend and I it could be a year or two before we could finally meet, and that would still be rare.  
 But my best friend and I aren't really allowed to hang out either, so its a shit situation either way, you know?

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Of course, but there's nothing saying that you have to be in a relationship either. You may find that right now it's better not to be in either relationship. That's always an option too :). You know your situation better though... the best you can do is give youself some time to yourself and seriously think it over and see if that clears up your thoughts and what you want any more.

At the end of the day, there is no 'right' choice. You can make what you think is the 'best' choice for you, and who knows how it'll turn out. But whatever happens, just try not to regret it. :)

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Ha, thank you.
Thats the thing, I wouldn't know how to break up with my girlfriend, because I care so deeply about her and don't want to lose her...

And I think I'd regret them both...Which is shitty.
And I can almost feel my bestfriend distancing herself, which is odd...

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Why so serious?

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Quote: from Just Waiting Here at 12:11 pm on July 5, 2009

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Quote: from Poisonetta at 12:08 pm on July 5, 2009

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  Ah, you make alot of sense...xD
  My girlfriend and I it could be a year or two before we could finally meet, and that would still be rare.
  But my best friend and I aren't really allowed to hang out either, so its a shit situation either way, you know?

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 Of course, but there's nothing saying that you have to be in a relationship either.  You may find that right now it's better not to be in either relationship.  That's always an option too :).  You know your situation better though... the best you can do is give youself some time to yourself and seriously think it over and see if that clears up your thoughts and what you want any more.  

 At the end of the day, there is no 'right' choice.  You can make what you think is the 'best' choice for you, and who knows how it'll turn out.  But whatever happens, just try not to regret it. :)

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Ha, thank you.
Thats the thing, I wouldn't know how to break up with my girlfriend, because I care so deeply about her and don't want to lose her...

And I think I'd regret them both...Which is shitty.
And I can almost feel my bestfriend distancing herself, which is odd...

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Mhm, it's difficult.  But at the end of the day, love isn't just enough for a long distance relationship.  You can truly care about her... but if there's no physical aspect (just seeing, or being able to talk face to face), then it's much harder to deal with.  The stress it causes is considerable, and for that reason, sometimes just loving the person isn't enough.

Ultimately whatever decision you make, you will probably get hurt, and one of these two people will probably get hurt.  But would it hurt more to break a relationship now, or to keep it going and a few months down the line realize that it's really not going to work, you know?

It's an extremely tough situation to be in... and it makes it harder when you know there isn't a solution that will make everyone happy in the end. :(