I truly love my boyfriend, and if things continue to go this way, then I would marry him (we've been together for over 2.5 years).

My sisters have made it clear they don't think he's right for me.  One sister outright said, "Mom and I know that he truly cares about you and he has great intentions, but we don't think he's intelligent enough for you".  My sister also said, "think about your kids, don't you want them to have good genes?"  My dad doesn't know about him (he won't know about him until we're engaged if it reaches that point), but my sisters and I know that he won't be happy.  Mainly because of his educational background, and the fact that he hasn't really persued a bachelors (he's taking small numbers of classes now, since he works full-time and stuff).

It just makes me sad to know that all of them think "He truly cares about you and has good intentions, but you could do better"...  I just don't see how the "intelligence factor" has to be something so important that I should just break up... especially when the matter of intelligence comes down to academic record only (which I think reflects nothing on a person's thoughts and analyses of issues).

I'm not going to break up with my boyfriend over it... but I can't help but feel guilty and the like.  His family basically already accepts me and like me... my family... not quite the same.  And it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong...

Any thoughts?

Wow I think that is kind of shallow of your family (sorry if this is stepping out of line I'm just being honest) that they think his academic skills are important. Also what do they know about his genes unless they are geneticist.

You aren't doing anything wrong, you are happy with your boyfriend, it might not be serious now but if it does it will be time to sit down with the family and explain yes you know they think you could do better but isn't your happiness the most important

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Dreaming Of A Day Where Things Are Different!
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I'm sure if they had the choice, they would have me dating some preppy, quiet boy that likes to drink and do 'normal' 19 year-old things.  However, it's not their choice, and because of thate tolerate him because in the end they know it's MY chioce.

Also, we have other people in my family JUST like my boyfriend so they really can't say anything too harsh.

It's nice to have family approval, but in the end, it's your choice an they have to live with that.

But yeah, I'm kind of in the same situation.  His family likes mean and accepts us together, my family it took awhile for some, but they accept him now...the others just tolerate him.

Oh well.  Same thing with our friends as well.  His think I'm okay--some even consider me a friend--and mine just tolerate him for me.

In the end though, while it's nice to have acceptance, it's my choice and they don't have to like everything or everyone I do, as long as everyone is polite to each other when they're together, it'll work.

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"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery."

They might not feel that his intelligence is high enough for yourself, but what do you think? Can you relate to him enough on a level of intellect, can you hold conversations that you wish to hold with him that are of an intellectual standing? You can obviously see this going very long term if you're considering marriage if your relationship continues to head in the direction its heading in.

What's mostly important, I find, is that you can connect on an emotional and personal level, maybe a spiritual level if you're one to believe in the stuff on that end. Intelligence gets you so far, yes, and it can bear a holding on how compatible you feel with someone because lets face it, an extremely intelligent person isn't really going to go with a dim person, and vice versa. There would be to much difference in the relationship for it to succeed long term.

You are not doing anything wrong, you are happy, he is happy, you are happy as a couple. This is what's most important right now, and if you feel his intelligence is high enough for you, basing it on academic levels or not, then that's what is important.

Your family may well not be happy with the decision if you two continue on to marriage, but, they should be happy that you are happy. If you find him enough for you, or more than enough for you, your family should respect that and support you :-)

Post edited at 11:11 am on July 5, 2009 by Mimic

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I'm the best at what I do

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To an extent, yes, I think it does matter. But then I also think only you can judge what is ultimately good enough for you, and going to make you happy.

They might not feel that his intelligence is high enough for yourself, but what do you think? Can you relate to him enough on a level of intellect, can you hold conversations that you wish to hold with him that are of an intellectual standing? You can obviously see this going very long term if you're considering marriage if your relationship continues to head in the direction its heading in.

What's mostly important, I find, is that you can connect on an emotional and personal level, maybe a spiritual level if you're one to believe in the stuff on that end. Intelligence gets you so far, yes, and it can bear a holding on how compatible you feel with someone because lets face it, an extremely intelligent person isn't really going to go with a dim person, and vice versa. There would be to much difference in the relationship for it to succeed long term.

You are not doing anything wrong, you are happy, he is happy, you are happy as a couple. This is what's most important right now, and if you feel his intelligence is high enough for you, basing it on academic levels or not, then that's what is important.

Your family may well not be happy with the decision if you two continue on to marriage, but, they should be happy that you are happy. If you find him enough for you, or more than enough for you, your family should respect that and support you :-)

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That's the thing... it's the emotional aspect that is more important to me than anything.  I can hold conversations with him, but our intellectual interests aren't exactly the same.  But I don't mind ~explaining~ concepts to him and vice versa.  I guess I don't view intellect as something that can really be 'measured', and so I view our intellect as being different styles... but something that I'm comfortable with.

I think they would support me in the end... but there's no knowing how they'll ultimately react (especially my dad... he's downright scary, lol).

It's then your family issues and more really something that they need to learn to deal with.

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I'm the best at what I do

but not to the point where it could mean the end of a relationship

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~Kra!~

This said, I would like to point out to your sisters that intelligence and educational background are not necessarily linked, though I think I can echo their concerns. Personally I'd have a very hard time with a relationship with someone who was not at least near my intelligence in some way. Even friendships are hard for me if they aren't.

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