However, I do believe that the only you're frustrated about not being able to cut is because of this problem.  Technically, you still have that annoying feeling of wanting to self harm, but are unable to do so because said promise.  It only looks good to you because you are *forced* (in a way) to not do something that you (sort of) enjoyed.  

I'm using the wrong word there, I don't mean enjoy in that sense, but it's the best word I can come up with.  

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Rest in peace Christopher De La Cruz[-Bixler-Zavala-Rodriguez-Lopez]
March 25, 1992 - August 4, 2009

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Not at all.

Just = nasty scars that keep reminding you, and make you more depressed.

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I was always a mild cutter, very careful.  I do have some faint scars, but none that people would notice were there... but that's my problem.  The fact that the scars are starting to go away makes me upset and angry.  In it's own sense, I get depressed because I don't have them.

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cutting releases a gas type thing from your body that calms you down, sorta like smoking

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no it does not "Of course, cutting solves nothing" you even said it

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You're thinking about it the wrong way.  Having friends really doesn't do anything, but you have them because...?  Of what?  They make you happy?  For some reason, right?  Now try thinking of cutting in the same way.  For some people, it actually calms them down, and it's a way to release anger or sadness.  

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Rest in peace Christopher De La Cruz[-Bixler-Zavala-Rodriguez-Lopez]
March 25, 1992 - August 4, 2009

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Quote: from MandyMarie at 1:57 pm on July 6, 2009

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I wish I could stop cutting

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You can... you just have to prove it to yourself :). It's not easy finding a reason to stop, and even further still, it's harder to realize that you actually have the strength in you to stop.

It takes time, you can do it. Half the battle is realizing that you have it in you :). It's also important to realize that a relapse into it is ok... a day at a time can turn to a few days, to a week, to a month :).

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You're right. It's whats been happening to me. I've got this great friend who's studing to deal with this everyday helping me but its just as easy as helping yourself. Find something that makes you want to not cut....

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"They maybe my heros but their not my best friend"

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To be honest, I can't argue for the benefit of cutting nor can I argue against the benefit of it.  

However, I do believe that the only you're frustrated about not being able to cut is because of this problem. Technically, you still have that annoying feeling of wanting to self harm, but are unable to do so because said promise. It only looks good to you because you are *forced* (in a way) to not do something that you (sort of) enjoyed.

I'm using the wrong word there, I don't mean enjoy in that sense, but it's the best word I can come up with.

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I've thought about that.  But then again, I've always liked the thought of blood and pain...

I guess my issue is this... sometimes I fall into a horrible state, and the mental state I'm in hurts me more than anything.  A simple cut that's nothing medically serious or anything close stops it at that.  I'd much rather put a bandaid on an arm that sit in bed for hours trying to keep myself from screaming.

The main reason behind it is that I'm still convinced I deserve it in some sense... It's hard to explain, but in a sense, I'm taking an 'easy way out' and that it's too simple this way (strange, because it's MUCH harder this way in my opinion)...

Hopefully that kind of made some sense...

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Quote: from GlassHearts at 1:58 pm on July 6, 2009

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Not at all.  

 Just = nasty scars that keep reminding you, and make you more depressed.

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I was always a mild cutter, very careful. I do have some faint scars, but none that people would notice were there... but that's my problem. The fact that the scars are starting to go away makes me upset and angry. In it's own sense, I get depressed because I don't have them.

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I think it might be that you got so used to it as part of yourself that without it, things seem strange. Its like an addiction, i dont want to smoke and i know it harms me in more ways the normal but i still want one sometimes and i know having one might bring me some sort of temporary happyness.

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Possibly.  But even then, I cut for less than a year before I stopped.  Technically speaking, it's been over 2.5 years since I've done it.  Of course, even a short time is enough to get stuck into it... but I don't know.  I really can't explain it, but blood is calming to me... when I accidentally get even something like a paper cut, I'm typically pleased with it.

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Quote: from Just Waiting Here at 2:02 pm on July 6, 2009

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Quote: from GlassHearts at 1:58 pm on July 6, 2009

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Not at all.

  Just = nasty scars that keep reminding you, and make you more depressed.

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 I was always a mild cutter, very careful.  I do have some faint scars, but none that people would notice were there... but that's my problem.  The fact that the scars are starting to go away makes me upset and angry.  In it's own sense, I get depressed because I don't have them.

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Maybe its a case of the scars representing your past and your struggle and if they are gone then its as if all that struggle is eresed and forgotten about.

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I've thought of that as well (I think I spend too much time thinking -__-).  I think that may be part of it... In it's own sense, I think I need the scars to show me that even if there's nothing concrete that's wrong, there's clearly something there that's pushing me to this point.  In it's own sense, it's like a reminder that it's ok to be depressed and it's ok to be sad...

Those promise things always bothered me. I never made a promise with my therapist not to cut, but my mom and my friends were always trying to push that threat on me. "If you cut, I am going to (threatening action). You've got to promise me you won't do it." People who don't cut can't understand that it's not just a "okay, I'll never do it again! I promise" sort of thing. And then, if you're in a situation like you are now, you feel even worse if you relapse into cutting again. Plus, like you said, all those bad emotions you get are from the promise, which makes you want to self-harm even more.

I think the best promise you can make is to yourself, that way you're not letting anyone else down. You might feel bad... BUT it's up to YOU to keep yourself happy. You aren't responsible for anyone else's feelings based on your actions.

(Okay, I'm going to get off my soap box and go back to what you were saying in your post, lol)

I've thought about the idea that it could be beneficial for present moment. That's a dangerous thought for me. It really does feel like it helps at the time. But at the same time, you're doing harm to your body. It's a hassle to hide. I end up feeling more depressed and guilty later. (That's what I always have to remember.)

On one hand, I want to tell you to forget the promise since it's causing you so much angst. On the other hand, the promise SORT of sounds like it keeps you from cutting. If you feel like you can use your own strength to not cut, rather than keeping up with the friend promise, I think you would feel more relieved.


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Un Día Llegara

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I've thought about that. But then again, I've always liked the thought of blood and pain...

I guess my issue is this... sometimes I fall into a horrible state, and the mental state I'm in hurts me more than anything. A simple cut that's nothing medically serious or anything close stops it at that. I'd much rather put a bandaid on an arm that sit in bed for hours trying to keep myself from screaming.

The main reason behind it is that I'm still convinced I deserve it in some sense... It's hard to explain, but in a sense, I'm taking an 'easy way out' and that it's too simple this way (strange, because it's MUCH harder this way in my opinion)...

Hopefully that kind of made some sense...

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I understand what you mean, no need to explain, since I myself am a self-harmer.  

I cannot argue in the benefit of self-harm because when I actually do get into that mood, I have a tendency to want to destroy anything that I can get my hands on, and that's usually my own body.  And, in the end, I'm bruised and bleeding and in extreme pain.  It's a mess trying to hide the after effect, especially during the summer.  However, I cannot argue against the benefit of self-harm because it does help with calming me down and from hurting others.  I'd rather not to that and feel even MORE guilty.  

Sometimes writing hurtful and angry e-mails/rants help.  I tend to get extremely mad, and when I feel that want to destroy coming on, I sit down and I write a shit storm of insanity down and just curse and curse at what I'm mad/annoyed it.  After, I delete the text, but it helps a LOT.  It's sort of an alternative.  

I think you just have to keep telling yourself that your self-harm does not define you.  

I hope I'm not ranting or going off topic.  :(

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Rest in peace Christopher De La Cruz[-Bixler-Zavala-Rodriguez-Lopez]
March 25, 1992 - August 4, 2009

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Quote: from bluebutterfly4ever at 4:58 pm on July 6, 2009

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no it does not "Of course, cutting solves nothing" you even said it

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You're thinking about it the wrong way. Having friends really doesn't do anything, but you have them because...? Of what? They make you happy? For some reason, right? Now try thinking of cutting in the same way. For some people, it actually calms them down, and it's a way to release anger or sadness.

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Hi again :D

Those promise things always bothered me. I never made a promise with my therapist not to cut, but my mom and my friends were always trying to push that threat on me. "If you cut, I am going to (threatening action). You've got to promise me you won't do it." People who don't cut can't understand that it's not just a "okay, I'll never do it again! I promise" sort of thing. And then, if you're in a situation like you are now, you feel even worse if you relapse into cutting again. Plus, like you said, all those bad emotions you get are from the promise, which makes you want to self-harm even more.

I think the best promise you can make is to yourself, that way you're not letting anyone else down. You might feel bad... BUT it's up to YOU to keep yourself happy. You aren't responsible for anyone else's feelings based on your actions.

(Okay, I'm going to get off my soap box and go back to what you were saying in your post, lol)

I've thought about the idea that it could be beneficial for present moment. That's a dangerous thought for me. It really does feel like it helps at the time. But at the same time, you're doing harm to your body. It's a hassle to hide. I end up feeling more depressed and guilty later. (That's what I always have to remember.)

On one hand, I want to tell you to forget the promise since it's causing you so much angst. On the other hand, the promise SORT of sounds like it keeps you from cutting. If you feel like you can use your own strength to not cut, rather than keeping up with the friend promise, I think you would feel more relieved.

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I made the promise under the context that I could do it, because I knew I could stop.  And I did stop.

I don't have trouble hiding scars, because I do it in places that no one would ever see, except for on person, my boyfriend.  Of course, he's also the person I made the promise to.  It wasn't a forced thing... Of course like you said, the promise seems to be what's keeping my like this.  And I can't decide whether or not that's a good thing or a bad.

More than anything, if I do cut, it only hurts my boyfriend more.  My family wouldn't find out about it, not again.. but if they did for any reason, it hurts them too.  I know that one of the most important things in my life is making others happy, and so not cutting for others is something that I can do... but it makes me wonder... And that's now how anyone should be, because you should respect yourself and appreciate yourself.  Am I doing that by not cutting?  It's almost like a paradox.  Can I truly care about myself if I'm physically hurting myself?  And I can't make myself happy if I'm hurting other people through it...

I spend a lot of time trying to analyze myself and my thoughts.  I would never have agreed to the promise if I didn't know I could do it and if I wasn't ready.  I didn't realize that it would come back later to haunt me.  I have no intention of cutting regularly, but rather being free of the guilt if I turn to it on occasion when something comes up.  Never serious, never close to death... simply put, I can't afford going to a doctor for something like this.  Even before, I would always sterilize everything before and after, and never cut deep enough to need medical attention(strange, no?).

Who knows... at the end of the day, I don't even think I could ask my boyfriend to end the promise that we made.  I think that would hurt him (like you had mentioned in the other topic), even if he said yes.  In it's own sense, I'd rather suffer through my own emotional pain than have someone else have to suffer through theirs...