And then I laugh,
and then he smiles,
still holding his umbrella, still on a sunny day.

But then I hear
a clap of thunder,
and the sky splits over, and showers me with rain.

And I look at myself,
and feel so silly,
not holding an umbrella, even though I'm in the rain.

And I look at him,
who's happy,
holding his umbrella, sheltered from the rain.

And he holds
his out to me,
and gives me his umbrella, because i'm in the rain.

And I laugh,
he looks so silly,
without an umbrella, standing in the rain.

---

It's okay, not anything great.

---

didn't expect it to be =)
wrote it about my best friend, on the spot.
but.
i love that friend.

---

It's okay, not anything great.

---

---

I don't really like the whole structure of your poem. I do like the meaning, it's really cute. I wouldn't suggest starting stanzas with 'And'.

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I have a REALLLL problem with that, even when i'm writing prose! hahaha. it's terrible every other sentence is "and"

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Quote: from Katx at 6:16 pm on July 5, 2009

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It's okay, not anything great.

---

 
didn't expect it to be =)
wrote it about my best friend, on the spot.
but.
 i love that friend.

---

Well, writing is meant to make yourself happy.
So if you like it, that's what counts.
And writing for others is always great.

-------
I was blind til you gave me a reason to look,
Now I can't look away.
My heart means nothing to you.
Your heart means everything.

---

Your line breaks are working against your poem. It's a rather cute poem, better than a lot of stuff posted on here, but it needs a little bit of work. Then meaning wasn't hidden at all, it was obvious from the start. Although I think that making it a bit more hard to figure out would be a good idea.

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i appreciate the critism.
but if i may ask, what is it you think the meaning is?
because if i do say so myself, it probably isn't what you're thinking.  it isn't that my friend would do anything for me, or that he protects me =)

thanks for the compliments, and i'm gonna be writin a second draft now!