Hey Kelley, I'm really sorry to hear that you are at this point in your life.
I agree with the post above me. Why don't you talk to those people that you mentioned? They seem like people that you can obviously communicate with and talk to. Maybe they are the help you need?
Can i ask what stopped you? There must have been that one thing telling you to stop. Why don't you talk to these other people first and try to focus on that instead of the suicidal thoughts?
You mention hell, are you a religious person at all? I know religion has helped me in times of suffering in my life - when i felt very lonely, lost and when my father died.
It does seem like you are blaming people - and this will be their only communication, their only answers they will have if you were to go - how can this bring answers? They sound like they are really trying to help you - why don't you tell them it isn't working and then you can maybe try a different solution that might be more successful. There is ALWAYS an option before death - always. The first or second way might just not work.
One step at a time you can start to plan for the future and if you want o be a mother you can and then go onto help other children or Young people.
I know this post is scattered and not the est advice - but if you would like to talk more, please pm me anytime. I am always here.
Take care.