Nevertheless I ended up feeling the exact same way around these brand new people who I’d made a fresh start with that I feel around my friends and people back home.

Sometimes I just didn’t want to get involved in group conversations or jokes, and didn’t just start up conversations. I was left on my own at times, but that was mainly due to me not wanting to go out and see what everyone else was doing. I felt intimidated when I thought of them as a group, not individually. Sometimes I just felt that thought I was uninteresting or boring or shit…even though all of that is bullshit that I make in my own head, looking back they liked me and I was really popular.

I feel the exact same way around people at home, even though I’m popular there too.

I don't understand what it is. Like I said in a previous topic my O/C thinks I lack confidence.

I dunno guys, but I think I've seen the root of my problem…

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I'm made from stardust.
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It just seems that in the other threads you've made you're somewhat outgoing. Flirting with all of the girls to make Catherine jealous and other examples like that. It's highly possible that a lack of confidence could make you afraid of people, I'm not saying that it wouldn't. I personally can't function around people. I'd rather be off by myself and not bothered. Is that what you're feeling like or just actually somewhat terrified of others?

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I love you!

I dont feel as threatened by girls, but groups of guys I do, just the general slagging and joking around between friends, i cant deal with that and when I think of people as groups I feel afraid of them, like theyll pick on me, even though individually I get a long with each of them really well and none of them would dream of picking on me.

Thats how I felt around my friends back home, and I ended uyp feeling the same way around completely new people at recruit training. So the problem isnt the people around me, its me.

I felt very confident at first when I felt that people didnt know me, but once people started getting to know me and talking to me, I began to lose confidence....

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I'm made from stardust.
The same DNA as stardust.
Carbonated to last.

Personally i think you shouldn't worry about things like that. I'm throwing a lot of maybe's out there's however possibly it the intimidation of being in a large group now, I don't know what to think other than you really need to raise your confidence because you can make friends and enjoy your time there.

Maybe you feel more comfortable when nobody knows anything about you because then they have nothing to judge you on. I'm sorry I'm telling a lot of maybe's however it's all I can do as it's not really clear what you are asking for advice on however you know I'm here if you want to talk about how things are going all you need to do is tell

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I am more comfortable before people talk to me, because I decide how much they know and how much I tell them...and sometimes it just feels like I get to invent myself, or let them find out all the good bits first and at the start I feel everyone wants to know me b/c of how I look, but once they get to know me theyre not interested because of my personality and I lose my power over people....

I think thats it.

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I'm made from stardust.
The same DNA as stardust.
Carbonated to last.

It's like having people around you which you can talk to and have friendship with can help make a rough time seem more bearable as I'm guessing being in the army isn't an easy experience and can be enjoyable but life draining at times. I know I'm making assumptions however what I'm trying to say is it's best to make connection so when things get tough you have that support from people around you to help you stay stronger.

I know i blabber on and probably don't seem to make sense whenever i give you advice however it makes sense to me. You have confidence in looks, a great thing to have however now you need to boost your confidence in your personality as you are nobody without it. You can only be judged on looks once, however personality is what makes people want to be around you because thats the part they grow to love to be honest. So why not just try and find out why you think so low of yourself and go from there.

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And for some reason if I say things sometimes, for watever reason I assume there reaction is negative, and I was watching at the camp and just seeing other people socialise for a change and I was watching them talk or say things and I took note of when someone said sometyhing I might say and the reaction they got from the person and how I would think of it as a negative reaction and they didnt, they seemed to treat it as normal. And I realised that it probably isnt a negastive reaction, its kjust a reaction.

Very often I expect peoples full attention and a group to be focused on me and that everyone should have a big laugh when I say something to them that I think is funny, or just a general reaction of pleasure when I talk to them, and I get it regularly, but when I dont I treat it like a negative reaction...and I guess that is what gets me.

The thing is with friends, I find it very hard to call someone a friend. I have maybe 15 people I would call "friends", the rest are just people I know, and I might talk to them every day and hang out with them, but I dont think of them as friends.

My friends are people I can trust and rely on, that "usually" Ive known for years and years and that we've created a bond, and almost know what the other is thinking.

My real point in the OP is though, that even though the people around me had completely changed and I knew none of them, my social statuys didnt change and I ended up feeling the same way about these people as I do with the people back home. I began feeling threatened by them when I thought of them as a group and imagined what they might say about me behind my back if I said or did something audacious. But even before I got to know some of them, I, for some reason, assumned that a couple of them didnt like me, even thoguh they did when I ended up talkign to them.

This all does my head in, and I think it is a big part of any unhappiness I have.

The thing is though, that I expect or want to be adored b7y them all, its almost like I want this constant attention, and at home whne I get it I want it to stop becaus eit feels fake or just because Im drunk. But I am popular, but because on the last day of camp I didnt have EVERYONE running up to me saying goodbye, I didnt feel well liked. Even though absolutely NO ONE had anything bad to say about me, everyone liked me...even the people I never really talked to...

...and yet Id be afraid to open my mouth in front of a group of them in case they stopped liking me.

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I'm made from stardust.
The same DNA as stardust.
Carbonated to last.

Maybe you need to try more or an effort, start with baby steps like slowly getting into a conversation with more than one person and then gradually going up and up until you have the confidence to talk in a group and not crave attention. I'm sorry if it offends you that I'm thinking that way it's just how you seem to come across as you are writing this.

One thing i want to say also is how when you talk to people they don't all have to laugh as different people find different things funny. Remember that, as otherwise you just won't feel comfortable.

I know you are used to being Mr popular all eyes on you but maybe now you are growing up it's time to make connections no just be known by people. It isn't easy i admit that and it will take time however it isn't impossible to do. It's all about getting the confidence without the need of attention to be honest. You have to look at yourself on the inside and think what you like about yourself as you have said that you lack in confidence on your personality however you shouldn't be the judge people like you for who you are otherwise you wouldn't have made good friends would you?

ALSO you say how people you class as friends, you trust and have known for years and whatever, you can have that with people you have known in little time, if you give yourself the chance because that is what i sense is you aren't giving yourself a chance to talk to a group of people because of you wanting the attention.

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I mean I have quiet times where I just like to have a walk round by myself or a lie down without everyone around me. I like my own company and solitude.

Its not a case of me running round trying to grab everyones attention and get them to look at me. More what I want and probably contributes to how I feel is that I want people to do it of their own accord. I dont look for it, I just want it to come, and it does sometimes, fairly regularly actually, but when Im there I dont feel it, or I worry like I said about my personality. Like they dont know the real me, or they know too much, one or the other. Too much, being why they arent talking to me, or when I speak Im  not holding their attention.

Its not a difficulty of talking in groups that I have, but more of a comedown afterwards, like Im not happy with who I am or how I came across or that they dont appreciate me (even though they do, in hindsight), but what i want ultimately is me to be happy with me.

I want confidence in who I am, and to like myself. For me to appreciate myself and not care whether someone reacts badly, or I think they react badly, and for me just to be happy and fully confident in myslef when Im taslking to people.

I made one person of those 40+ people at camp that Id call a friend. Im not too bothered about friends, its just a class I have in ym head of how well I know people, the rest are just aquaintances who arent able to see the way I think, or havent tried to see.

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I'm made from stardust.
The same DNA as stardust.
Carbonated to last.