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His dad is a real A**hole!  |
| Some help plz |
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 Replies: 7 — Last Post July 25, 2008 11:59am by medjai
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Web Resources: Suicide Myths Dispelled, Suicide Information
USA Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
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( bluedog )
Advisor
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Ok my bf has been passed around from family member to family member. He JUST met his dad about 5 months ago. And since then his dad first lied to him, then chose his....wife over his son (who zach just doesn't get along with cause she is too much like his mom). They have all put him down. Blamed me for his problems. We've only been together for a year (we are both 17) and I myself have considered and tried to commit suicide when I was 14, which is the same time he also tried. Way before we even knew each other. We have supported each other through many things. And have been pretty strong for having so many problems. But this is the last message his dad sent him....(this is how his dad has been treating him) his dad also blamed me for not being able to have time with Zach, yet his dad was always sending him messages saying "oh i work nights this week, and Tina [his wife] works days so I have to watch the kids" or things like "oh I have ball with the guys tonight" and delaying it, yet he blamed me for it. I supported Zach in having a relationship with his father, I mean he seemed happy. But now I regret it. Anywho here is the message.. ""Zach,
DO NOT email me anymore........your actions have caused Tina and I to split - not sure if it is permanent or just what, but, you are the reason, Tina and I couldn't handle your shit and everything you were putting me/us through. So, thanks son, not only is your life screwed up but now mine is too! As far as your stuff goes, it's Tina's house now so I guess if you want to you have to talk to her, or you can get in touch with your grandma to make arrangements. Maybe I can come sleep at doris's too! Thanks again."" Zach has a problem where he likes to hold back, and say things are fine, but later on it's a different story, it eventually gets to him. So please I need help in letting him know that this IS NOT his fault. He deserves nothing but love. And his family has given him everything from hell, and everything but love.
I've told him, but it would be great to have other people say it too. He doesn't have any other support besides me.
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"The clouds I can handle, but I can't fight an eclipse"~ Jacob Black
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( bluedog )
Advisor
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P.S. Also to add, last night we had a huge blow out. His dad came over and raised his fist to hit my mom and the cops grabbed him. My mom sent his dad a message telling him he needed to start being a father. It started when Zach took off to try and kill himself. Pretty hard for someone who is suicidal to take in. And it's hard for just me to tell him that he just doesn't deserve this treatment. I know it bothers him, cause he'll usually leave the room, and be distant for a bit. And he's doing so now. (he got the message about an hour ago)
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"The clouds I can handle, but I can't fight an eclipse"~ Jacob Black
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medjai
 Patron
Support Leader
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His father very clearly has horrible issues and a low IQ and a poor understanding of long term reward, he was upset so he said the meanest things he could think to say to his son. There is no reason to do anything to the father, he's got enough issues and it won't fix anything. You can't make your boyfriend's problems go away, all that he can do is confront his father and tell him that he's sorry for causing the breakup but that he does not ever want to see the man again, or if he wants to give his dad a second chance (up to him, remember this), that he is not angry with his father for what he said or did, and hopes that one day his father will realize that he's missing out on a son who loves him and wants to be a part of his life. There's not much you can do here, but do what you can, be there for him, if you don't know what to say, tell him that you don't, but that you support him whatever he wants to do (except self harm). Explain that self harm is about as useful towards fixing his problems as getting stung by a bee is at solving calculus equations. Move forward, give him things to focus on other than his bad family life. Ask your father to treat him like a son, etc, etc.
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Who dares wins. - Special Air Service
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12:44 am on July 25, 2008 | Joined Nov. 2003 | 1358 Days Active
Join to learn more about medjai California, United States | Straight Male | 13427 Posts | 34178 Points
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medjai
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Support Leader
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Also, regardless of who's house it is, he needs his stuff back immediately. I recommend that your father and he go to Tina's house to get his stuff back, if that's possible, if not, he and another male friend of his needs to do it. They should not be confrontational, but they should not give up on getting their stuff back either.
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Who dares wins. - Special Air Service
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12:45 am on July 25, 2008 | Joined Nov. 2003 | 1358 Days Active
Join to learn more about medjai California, United States | Straight Male | 13427 Posts | 34178 Points
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( bluedog )
Advisor
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haha yeah sounds like you said it right. Thanks. I just want to show him. I think it would make him feel better. It's just, I mean he had some fucking nerve to tell his own son that he was the reason for them breaking up. I told him, zach didn't hold a gun to his head and force him. His dad made that choice, they made that choice not zach. Zach is in complete control of his own actions, not theirs their reactions, are totally their own.
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"The clouds I can handle, but I can't fight an eclipse"~ Jacob Black
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medjai
Patron
Support Leader
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In a relationship, the reason for breakup is in my opinion always rooted in the two people in the relationship, not outside sources. Their relationship wasn't very strong if the two of them couldn't handle the man's son having an emotional breakdown. It's clearly their own issue, the father has trouble accepting his own inadequacy and obvious inability to maintain good relationships so he throws the blame onto his son who just entered the picture. It's easier for him to handle and he's a coward.
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Who dares wins. - Special Air Service
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1:07 am on July 25, 2008 | Joined Nov. 2003 | 1358 Days Active
Join to learn more about medjai California, United States | Straight Male | 13427 Posts | 34178 Points
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( bluedog )
Advisor
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OK UPDATE, here is the message that his dad just sent him this morning, I dunno, should we go to the police about his stuff....also his dad mentions that Tina didn't want his stuff there, so like the little bitch he is, he decided to throw it out to get rid of it. Thing is, he says that I'm controlling Zach, I've done nothing to control him, there are some things I don't support that he's wanted to do, and I've helped him to see both sides of the situation, and I let him decided for himself from there. Yet his dad is running around listening to his whale of a wife. I wouldn't doubt that she told him to send the previous message. ""From: tazzy rob (tazzy016@hotmail.com)
Sent: July 25, 2008 10:22:21 AM
To: zach sholdice (zsholdice@hotmail.com)
OMG, YOU ARE SO GULLIBLE, you WILL beleive anything anyone tells you! Tina and I have the best relationship and not even could a little pain in the butt like you cause a breakup....however your true feelings have really come out now. If I had a million dollars and a big house would that have changed how well you got along with me? As far as your stuff goes, we no longer have it....Tina wanted it outta here so I disposed of it. You want only Cylina to be your family? Fine, my life was better off without you in it anyways. Looks like you have just been "played" - sucker.""
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"The clouds I can handle, but I can't fight an eclipse"~ Jacob Black
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