Edit: Since we're not allowed to edit the post with the story in it, and I don't feel like making another damn post, I am alerting you here:

All grammatical "errors" in my work were purposely made.

Edit deux: The first sentence of the last section should say that the phone "began to ring."

Post edited at 11:39 pm on July 10, 2008 by Porcelina

-------
your whole life is leading up to this
last.fm

she stepped into the home, convincing herself that the chill on her skin was due to the cool stale air in the room as she made her way to the stairs. each step downward she took drilled a pain into her skull as she neared the basement, towards the sound of Olberman's voice grilling a pundit on the television. by the last step she could hear his heavy breathing as she turned into the bedroom. the orange container lay half full, within grasp of his itching fingertips. the white lid was nowhere in sight. he sat, terribly weighted, in the spot that had been coached through years to accept his body easily. his eyes were heavy, his limbs heavy, conscious heavy, heart heavy. his eyes slid to her when she entered, not actually seeing, then back to the space between his feet and his tv.
so, its back?
once again his eyes came to hers. this time he focused. he nodded his head slowly, drawn up and then down before being drawn up once again like a cement block puppet on a wire. it had taken 2 years but it was back.
she wanted to sit, but not on the couch, it would be too close. rather she chose the edge of his bed, offering the view of window with the curtain drawn back. she could look past his slip down to his sloping backyard, the alley cutting one level space into the steep fall of the hill, then up the next roll of high reaching ground where children played far off and small in the grass.
she let out a deep breath, audible as a sigh, before placing a cigarette in her mouth that was longing to be busy with a mind too tired to speak. the time passed. he chewed another chalky white fiend.

why did you leave me? his voice exerted all the force he must have had left in his body.
you know i had to go.
everything you needed was right here. i was right here. i was whole and well and here, for you, always and only for you.
i needed to go.
but i needed you here. he spoke to the space between his feet and his television. i love you, to the space on the floor.
she opened her mouth to assure him it was mutual. in the end she could only nod her head and place another cigarette gingerly between her waiting lips.
he chewed another. she wanted to tell him that it disgusted her, but she couldnt form the words. all she could do was stare off at the playing children and recall being young, accidentally chewing the ibuprofen her mother had given her for pain, the revolting sensation it had left in her mouth and how much water she had had to drink to cleanse it. he had no water.

she sat on the edge of the bed, taking in the coolness of the room she had been in hundreds of times in the past years. it was the same. the same colors on the walls, with the start of blue painting tape put up over a year ago with hopes to change to a brighter state. it was a passing phase, like all the bright states. a new tv in the same place. the same fish tank void of life. the same bed with a new fleece blanket, the one she had bought him for christmas. that same couch. that same boy, four years older, just as thin as when she met him, with a new hair cut and some new clothes.
she looked at him softly. he had lost 40 pounds since she had left. he had gained more darkness under his eyes, more heaviness in them. he looked as he did four years prior, before he had her, before she fixed it. she felt the burden of being responsible for another weigh down on her again. she felt the need to run but couldnt lift her limbs. it was gratifying and terrifying all at once.

how many others were there?
he startled her. she merely looked at him.
i know you replaced me, he accused. you found another boy and you left.
you found someone else, too.
no one can ever replace you. his eyes burned her, full of hope, desperation, bargaining. i was foolish, i thought she was nice but she didnt listen. she never understood. only you understand.
she couldnt stand it. she slowly let her lids drop, blocking out his determination. there was one, you dont want to know about him. im here now. i came back. she opened her eyes again and found she was once more longing after the children in the grass.

the room was darkening and only a milky white light remained slanting through the window, off putting the flashes of quick paced commercials and friendly household scenes coming through the tv.
but youre leaving again. youre always going to leave me, his straining voice accompanied by crunch, crunch, crunch and the utterings of a teenage girl on the television, complaining that she learned the boy she liked didnt return the feeling. it was the end of her life. at least something related.
i cant help that. ill be back again.
she lit a cigarette.

maybe i wont be here for you to come back to.

the orange bottle was a little less full.
are you going to give this shit up again? she asked. it took her last remaining efforts to pose the question.
i cant. he said. i really cant. he whispered.
not for me? she let out quietly, more a question to her high opinion of self worth than to the absent boy on the couch.
for you always, but you are leaving again.
i cant do this anymore. she stood. i just cant.
as she made her way towards the stairs she heard his voice, i cant either, intertwined with a dusty grind of his jaw.

she found herself home again, laying on her bed. her phone began to rang, and as she reached for it she realized a few hours time had passed. she slid it open, hardly interested in the person on the other line. she only realized what the frantic voice had relayed once the call was over.
he had overdosed. TOD 12:19 am.
she thought of the four years it had taken.
she thought of the children.

supah fresh

-------
your whole life is leading up to this
last.fm

My heart WAS beating
But you stopped it
I loved you
It wasn't that hard to admit

I will dream forever
But from high hopes I fell
But now I sleep forever
To escape this living hell

this hell is a place
inside my mind
where the truth lies
its just too hard to find

the downside is clear
my thoughts I cant escape
this is driving me insane
theres so much love but too much hate

I had dreams of happiness
When you were here to stay
I realised dreams are illusions
I took my life that day

I fell for you again today
But what could I say?
I'd only just got you back
And I forced you away

I fell for you again today
But what could I do?
I have this dream where I love you
And you love me back too

But now im back to reality
Where dreams just don't come true
I know in reality you don't love me
But I'll always, always love you

I realise now dreams are cruel
Cruel things that play with your mind
But while im dreaming, you're still in my life
I don't have to move on...or leave you behind

Somewhere in Nowhere-town,
A flush of red befalls an anxious,
Lavender-scented woman.
She hold in her arms a beautiful innocence.
The child flickers.

Perhaps she noticed?

Somewhere in Nowhere-town,
A guilty plea is heard across the court.
Spare change?
He looks on at the jury; the people who pass him everyday.
His mouth flinches.

Perhaps he noticed?

Somewhere in Nowhere-ville,
A pack of spectators howl with excitement.
The noose is tightening,
They howl as they hear the snap,
The thief dies.

Perhaps they noticed?

The world carries on in seperate anticipation.
Seperate joy.
Seperate sorrow.
Events are changing, emotions seperate.
The world turns.

A day goes by

-------
I want David Blue.
Right now.

---

Membername : Wakeupcall
Title Of Piece : The most Beautiful thing in the world
Type Of Piece : Poem
Piece:  

Somewhere in Nowhere-town,
A flush of red befalls an anxious,
Lavender-scented woman.
She hold in her arms a beautiful innocence.
The child flickers.

Perhaps she noticed?

Somewhere in Nowhere-town,
A guilty plea is heard across the court.
Spare change?
He looks on at the jury; the people who pass him everyday.
His mouth flinches.

Perhaps he noticed?

Somewhere in Nowhere-ville,
A pack of spectators howl with excitement.
The noose is tightening,
They howl as they hear the snap,
The thief dies.

Perhaps they noticed?

The world carries on in seperate anticipation.
Seperate joy.
Seperate sorrow.
Events are changing, emotions seperate.
The world turns.

 
A day goes by

---

I like this too.

You will lie for the first time
You will be very close to a clown. He's a druggie. Sorry.
Someone you've never met will die. Go ahead and cry.
Barney is the only one who really understands you
A letter is coming in the mail soon
He'll say he "never really liked you, you just have GREAT rack"
Don't ask any more questions, shut up.
Fuck everyone, except mom. You love her.
You'll eat cereal, milk and vodka.
If only Wii Bowling was a field day event.
I love you too.


-------
green eyes, blue skies
natural disasters when she cries.

I still think I suck. =/ But I get bored often, haha.    

So I know that all around me
Are so many beautiful things
The flowers, the trees
The birds and the bees
The wind as it whistles and sings

Just around a year ago
This fact I did discover
But time has passed
The moment lapsed
And now one thing is as another

Now this precious beauty
Seems to have disappeared
I search for it
I long for it
But nowhere does it appear

But I believe with all my heart
That the illusion is in me
It's really there
It wants to share
Itself but I'm just not ready

So now I ask of you right there
To help me find this beauty
Because I'm only so strong
And I really do long
For it to re-reveal itself to me.

She's back,
she's over ruling, and she's screaming.
She's back in your mind,
threading through your thoughts
and distorting your vision.
Never allowing the truth to seep though,
keeping irrational thoughts at bay.
Calculating and recalculating.
The sporadic loss of control
sends you into a frenzy of heaves.
A fit of nervousness, and of skepticism.
You're convinced this is what you want.
You know it's not.
She's back,
and she will never leave.

Post edited at 9:09 pm on Feb. 4, 2009 by roflfuckyou

Jonathan Price: Arrested 1983. Charges: Rape of three women, DUI. "Oh wow, what progress, Meg. One hundred down, two hundred and fifty to go." Megan McDowell sighed, picking up her pen to once again start recording the names of sixty year old rapists and sex offenders that everyone had to have forgotten already. Meg, as everyone called her, was a student at NYU studying to become a police officer. To "broaden her horizons," in her guidance counselor's words, she was participating in an internship at the local police station. Her friend, Sgt. Jeremy Cliff, was the mentor. If broadening her horizons meant sitting at her desk dulling her brain with countless names of people she'd never heard of, it would be better to have a "stimulating conversation" with her boyfriend on the phone. Neither activity would make her any smarter. Meg dropped her pen, making a decision to procrastinate again and most likely be up until three in the morning. Breathing a sigh of relief at the momentary pleasure of procrastination, she fell onto her beat up sofa and dialed the number she knew so well.
"Brring Brring! Brring Brring! Brring Brring!" After what seemed like forever, someone picked up the phone on the other end of the line.
"Hello?" said a drunken male voice Meg could not place.
"Hi, um, may I speak to Josh, please?"
"Uh, Josh is a little busy right now," said the man in a tone that told Meg he had no idea who Josh was. "You have a nice voice though- want to talk to me instead?"
"Um...I'm really sorry but I have to go," said Meg, realizing she had the wrong number.
"Okay then, baby," said the man, slurring his words more and more with every sentence, "call me later."
"Oh, actually, you know what?" said Meg, getting an idea. "I might not have time later, so let's just talk now. So what's your name?"
Meg smiled, hitting the record button on the gadget hooked up to her phone. She knew this guy had completely lost touch with reality, so he'd tell her anything. Finally, after enduring half an hour of endless obscene remarks by a 40 year old man named Billy, Meg was ready to call her friend Sgt. Jeremy Cliff.
"Oh, God. I want to die," she told him over the phone. I've never been this insulted in my life."
"Well, it's for a good cause, isn't it? You're learning the ropes!" he said, laughing.
"Jeremy! You don't want to know what this guy said to me."
"Yes, I definitely do," he said, "so I can go beat him up for you."
"Ha! With what- pepper spray? Let me tell you- you have no muscle at all. Josh, on the other hand, could beat him to a pulp in two seconds flat. Not to mention his amazing eyes."
"Why are we wasting time, Meg?" said Jeremy, suddenly irritable. "Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh. Now let's stop talking about him and get down to business. Play me the tape."
"Okay, okay- I was just joking," said Meg nervously. "Yes, he's my boyfriend. But you're my best friend. I love you both equally, just in different ways."
"That's what I have a problem with," said Jeremy under his breath.
"What?"
"Nothing, Meg. Just play the tape."
Half an hour later, the recording ended and Meg and Jeremy sat at their respective ends of the phone line, utterly speechless. Finally, Meg broke the silence.
"I told you. I should get paid overtime for that one."
"Wow," said Jeremy. "This guy is pretty obnoxious, but isn't more than a stupid drunken idiot. What do you want to do? I mean, it was just practice."
"Can we just check it out? Please- I hated that guy."
"Sure, okay. Meet me at the station in an hour."
Hanging up the phone, Jeremy fell back onto his couch with a sigh. He'd been told a thousand times by his superior officers not to entertain every request to check someone's background. But Meg was his intern, and more importantly, his friend. She'd helped him a lot in the past months. "Besides," he told himself, "I'm not showing her the actual files we have on these people." Jeremy stood up and fumbled in his pocket for the keys to his file cabinet. "Hmm- what did she say his name was? Billy something- oh yeah, Billy Evans. All right," he said, flipping through a list of past sex offender arrests, "there's a Billy Smith, a Billy Laponte, a Billy DeBono, and a Billy McGowan. Well, no Billy Evans. That's that." Jeremy sighed, locked his file cabinet, and pulled on his coat. He had to head down to the station to meet Meg, but first he had to run some errands.

---

"That'll be 24.99, sir." Jeremy stood in front of the check out counter in the florist's shop. His fingers were freezing and his ears were about to fall off, but he didn't care because he knew Meg loved red roses. Speaking of which, he was already late for their meeting. Thanking the checkout clerk, Jeremy spun around, ready to run out the door, when his green eyes met a familiar pair of blue speckled ones, ones he had become so jealous of recently.
"Hey, Josh," Jeremy said, "What a surprise to see you here."
"I'm the one who should be surprised, man. Last time I checked, you were single. What're you doing in a florist's shop? And buying red roses too! Funny, exactly the ones I was going to buy."
"I'm just a flower connoisseur. What can I say?"
"Oh, I'm sure," said Josh sarcastically. "Can you name me some?"
Jeremy, being a bachelor, had no idea whatsoever about the types of flowers, so he obviously could not answer.
"I thought so.  Listen, man," said Josh, grabbing Jeremy by the front of his shirt, "stay away from my Meg- got it?"
"Sorry, but I need you to understand something," Jeremy snapped back, pulling Josh's hand off and flashing his police badge. "I'm on duty, and I could have you arrested right now for assault on a police officer- so you'd better watch your back if you know what's good for you."
"Oh, you know you'd never do that, "said Josh with a smug smile. "Your darling Meg would be pretty upset, wouldn't she?"
"Just remember- I know who you are. One wrong move, Brian Williams, and I'll get you. Just because you've changed your name and paid for a horrible nose job doesn't mean you're a different person."
"I'm so sorry to disappoint you, Jeremy," Josh said sarcastically, "but you can't pin anything new on me without proof. My last prison sentence ended years ago."
"I know what you're after, though," said Jeremy angrily. "It's always the same. The man only wants sex from the woman, but she gets emotionally involved in the relationship and ultimately gets her heart broken."
"Do you honestly think you're after anything different?"
"You know what? I don't have time to stand here and argue with people like you. Now if you don't mind, I have to leave."
Jeremy turned and walked out the door, roses in hand. Because of that idiot, he was even later for his meeting with Meg. Yes- he was after something different than Josh. He wanted Meg to have the happiest life possible, without a lack of sincerity or risk of abuse. But how was he ever going to make that happen for her if she didn't know the danger she was in already? Her boyfriend, Josh, was a convicted felon. He had been arrested multiple times for counts of illegal drug use and sexual harassment. He could imagine it now- innocent Meg, blindfolded by love, becoming pregnant in a spur of the moment decision after Josh promises to marry her. Then, after the baby is born, he abandons her to play the same mind game with countless other innocent women. No- he couldn't let Meg suffer because of his own selfishness. What was the reason he was hiding this from her anyway? Just because he thought she wouldn't believe him and would never talk to him again? What was better- losing the ability to talk to his best friend but keeping her safe, or having to live with the guilt of knowingly putting her through a traumatic experience? Jeremy's thoughts brought him to the front door of the police station, where Meg was waiting.
"Jeremy!" she said, giving him a hug. "What took you so long?"
"Sorry, Meg.  I got a little held up. Here- these are for you," he said, handing her the roses.
"Roses!" Meg squealed, pecking him on the cheek. "Thank you! Wow- now I have 24. Did you know Josh brought me some too?"
"No, I didn't. That was really nice of him."
Jeremy sighed. It was now or never.
"Listen, Meg- I have something to tell you. It concerns Josh."
"What? Its nothing bad, I hope?"
"Come inside and I'll tell you."
Once inside Jeremy's office-
"What's going on?" said Meg anxiously.
Jeremy fished in his pocket for a color picture of Brian Williams taken five years ago.
"Meg, this man's name is Brian Williams. Five years ago he was convicted of illegal drug use and the rape of two women."
"But what does this have to do with Josh?"
"Do you have a picture of him handy?"
"Yes, I keep one in my purse- hold on a second."
Jeremy laid the two pictures out side by side. One was of a five year younger Brian Williams, while the other was of a present day Joshua Flynn. But there was no mistaking the eyes.
"His eyes..." said Meg, trailing off. "I'd know those eyes anywhere..."
"After Brian Williams was released from prison, he changed the name on his birth certificate and had plastic surgery done. What he didn't know was that the police were still tailing him."
"And that he had the most beautiful eyes in the world..." said Meg softly, a single tear running down her cheek.
"Meg," said Jeremy gently, "I know you loved him with all your heart- but a rotten apple can never ripen again. That man never had good intentions where relationships were concerned. It's time to move on."
"It's just that- oh Jeremy, why did you have to tell me this?"
"You're my best friend, Meg- I'd never want you to get hurt just for two minutes of superficial happiness. Now, I have a plan to nab Josh once and for all. Are you ready to do this?"
"Of course, Jeremy," said Meg, wiping her eyes. "I trust you completely."

---

Noticing a gold Lexus she did not recognize standing in the driveway, Meg walked up the steps of 79 Windsor Avenue and rang the doorbell three times. A tall, handsome blond man with blue speckled eyes opened the door. He was wearing his pajamas and looked very surprised to see her.
"Hey babe," he said, glancing into the living room, "why are you here so late? You didn't call or anything! Come in."
"Got a new car?" said Meg sarcastically.
"Y-yeah. You like it?"
"Oh, definitely. So, when did you win the lottery?"
"Well, I got a pay raise."
"You're lying through your teeth. Who is she?"
"Okay, okay- I confess. I have been seeing someone else for a while."
"Good. I'm glad you told me this early, because anyway I was here to tell you we're through."
"Oh? Leaving me for darling Jeremy?"
"Well, first of all, you'd need to be a real idiot to not know that I have more self respect than to continue dating people who see other women on a regular basis. And no, I'm not leaving you for Jeremy. Want to see who I'm leaving you for though?"
Meg pulled out a mug shot of Brian Williams out of her purse and showed it to Josh- whose expression changed rapidly from surprised, to confused, to angry. Moving towards Meg, he locked the front door, grabbed the mug shot, ripped it up, and scattered it over the floor.
"That part of me is over," he snarled, grabbing Meg by the hair and slamming her against the wall. "Brian Williams is gone, but if I have to commit those same crimes again, I will."
"Is that a threat, Josh?" sneered Meg. "I'm not afraid of you. What could you possibly do to me without getting arrested by the squad of police officers that are ready to burst in here the minute Jeremy gives a command?"
"Didn't I tell you that I don't care? All I want now is revenge," he said, grabbing the collar of Meg's shirt.
"Well, you should care," said Meg, biting Josh's hand hard, "because I'm not as helpless as I look."
And with that, Meg kicked him on the shins, stepped on his foot, punched his nose, and kicked him as hard as she could in the crotch. Josh fell to the floor in the fetal position as a swarm of police officers, including Jeremy, broke down the door. Jeremy, heavily out of breath, headed straight towards Meg.
"Meg, are you all right?" Jeremy asked anxiously.
"I've never been better. You don't know how good it felt to kick him so hard he almost cried."
"He probably did, Meg," Jeremy said with a laugh. "Now, you know what would make me really happy?
Jeremy smiled and walked over to the crumpled body lying on the floor. Grabbing Josh by the ear, he pulled him up, slammed him against a wall, and handcuffed him.
"You're under arrest, Josh."

---

After the interrogation, Jeremy and Meg sat on the stone wall outside the police station.
"I don't know how I got into this mess, Jeremy," Meg said with a sigh.
"It's okay. Criminals are hard to see through. He was handsome, funny, smart- any girl would have fallen for him."
"I'm just really glad I had you to show me his true colors. I can't imagine where I'd be now if it weren't for you."
"That's what friends are for, aren't they?" Jeremy asked, smiling.
"No, Jeremy, they're not. Remember when I told you I loved both you and Josh equally, just in different ways?"
"Yeah."
"Well, what I meant by that was that there's a fine line between people who are your friends and people who you are in love with. Only recently, after losing everything I thought I had, am I redefining those lines."
Meg smiled, taking Jeremy's hand.
"Do you think I could have another chance?" she said.
Jeremy grinned from ear to ear, showing the first genuine smile and feeling the first real happiness he had in months.
"Let's go buy some roses," he said, squeezing her hand.


-------
A lovestruck Romeo, sings the streets a serenade
Laying everybody low with a love song that he made
Finds a streetlight, steps out of the shade
Says something like, "You and me, babe, how about it?"

I don't know who I am anymore
I can't walk through just any open door.
A world of opportunities I keep on passing up
Losing all hope for any future luck.
I'm lost and sometimes violent,
But so afraid and young,
Confusion takes me over,
And with this I cannot run.
Between split personalities,
And friendships gone so wrong,
Hoping it'll be over soon, It shouldn't last so long.
I'm sick of lying about the marks,
I'm aware that I need help,
But I can't think of the words to say
When they think I've already dealt.
School is getting harder, Friends just won't grow up,
People learning my "secret,"
Others breaking my trust.
All eyes seem to be just on me
Every hour of every day
Getting yelled at for even telling the truth,
And when no one believes a word I say.
I'm stuck in the middle of a child and adult
With no toys or bills to pay,
Where exactly am I at in this world?
And why is it that nothing goes my way?


-------
Think about it..How old were YOU, when you were 12?

The heroes lay buried in our souls,
set with a tombstone and an epitaph of bones,
Cast in with the dust and echoes of the globe,
Buried by childish fear of the unknown,
Shunned from the sunlight that only the mad know,
Collective ignorance of the soul,
We are starved of the earthly taboos
that exist only in the lonely whispers of the night,
We set ourselves so far back
that the future foreshadows the past,
Those who suffer know only the freedom
of truth and the false reality of society.
The cold heroes rise from their graves
as they see the tear drop,
they come to action as they thrive off our insanity,
they use our fears as their strength,
and guide us through the true consciousness,
and leave us there to decide,
are we the true martyrs,
or the manifestation of lies?


-------
America, I'm throwing my queer shoulder to the wheel.

One day there was happiness on earth than everything changed it was an attack from the unknown ones that all they new about these strange creatures.They attack peaceful meadows,Valley's,Towns,and Villages. That day everyone was killed but this man named " Chang Yang" Ruler of the Mountains.He was the only one that was saved because the creatures did not attack the Mountains.Chang Yang was a wise man that no one would listen to.He predicted that this day would come but everyone called him a fool,but they where wrong.Chang Yang told them to move to the Mountains but they wouldn't listen they said that Mountains are for people that has no taste of living. Chang Yang did not care what people said about him and new his life was in danger if he did not live in the Mountains.The people said that people who lives in Mountain's has no taste of living,but they are the ones that are not living.Still yet Chang Yang lives in the Mountains in Harmony.

Post edited at 8:00 am on July 24, 2008 by The Stranger

-------
1st Christian Group of LiveWire
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Number: 402-982-0784 Extension #: 1869277