---

Membername: emma19911
Title of Piece: I Painted A Picture Of You
Type of Piece: Poem
Piece:
I painted a picture of you,
The colours were so dark,
Just like your personality,
I loved you,
Your eyes were as though they were on fire,
You're the light in my life,
You will keep me alive,
So if you leave,
I will have to go,
Because I can't live without you,
The picture of you was pure,
As though you where an angel,
Sent from heaven,
And brought to me,
You were my shining star,
So I paint this picture for you to know how great you are,
You have helped me through so much,
So I am glad that we are always in touch,
You are always here when I need you,
You are my shoulder to cry on,
Day or night you're always there,
All I have to do is pick up the phone and then you are here,
So this is why I painted the perfect picture,
Of the most perfect love of my life,
So hang this up on the wall,
For the world to know that you glow.

---

THAT was a poem I actualy liked   , and I usualy hate poetry

-------
They say learning to love yourself is the first step,
that you take when you want to be real...
Just Be - Dj Tiesto

I never thought it would end this way. I mean, of course I expected it to happen. Anyone with half of a brain knew it was going to come. At the rate things were escalating, it was inevitable. But, I never expected it so soon. No one could have.

My legs were getting tired. The jeans I had picked out to wear were too tight, and my shirt was really uncomfortable. There was a massive hole in my shoe and water was splashing onto my frayed grey and white socks. Puddles sparkled forlornly as I ambled through them with a false aura of nonchalant motive. Narcissistic lamps smiled at their rippling reflections in vain.

"Do we really have to walk on the side of the road?" Monroe asked. His black hair dangled in front of his black eyes.

"Just shut up," I said. "Enjoy the angle."

Monroe looked to the side. We were at an odd angle. The curving suburban road was on a hill, and we were tracing along the edge. Gravity was mocking us. I slipped.

"Shit."

"Be careful," Jakkie scolded. Her mood was light and innocent.

I scoffed. "This fucking sucks."

My words wrapped my friend's tongues, for they spoke nothing. They kept looking ahead as Jakkie lead us closer to our destination.

I slung my jacket over my shoulder. The mid-autumn air was crisp in my lungs. Slight breezes pushed my brown hair to one side, giving me a sort of helmet hair appearance. My forehead glistened with sweat contrary to the cold of the atmosphere around me. The day was almost completely faded across the skyline. The moon embraced fast moving clouds that crossed its path. The street lamps created small, isolated pockets of light. Flying vermin were in ecstasy as they flung themselves into the light. Trees clung tightly onto the remaining leaves they had but to little avail. I sighed.

"It's perfect," I said softly.

"Kind of ironic, ain't it?" Jakkie said, not looking back.

"Yeah."

Monroe took a swifter step and caught up the side of Jakkie. "I love nights like this," he said. He shook the hair out of his eyes. "Everything's so quiet, yet nature screams into your ears."

"Aw, you're so cute," Jakkie responded. She smiled and poked Monroe's nose.

I sighed again. Monroe was right. The night was quiet. It was a shame it had to go so soon.

"Jakkie, where are you taking us?" I asked.

"You'll see," she said. I hated when people did that.

"Come on," I whined. "This is my neighborhood too."

She giggled. "Just wait, Tristan."

"Oh god," Monroe suddenly said. "Is this that place you told me about a few days ago?"
"Maybe." I hated when people did that too.

"Jakkie, you know I'm afraid of the dark!" Monroe said.

"We have worse things to fear tonight," I announced. No one spoke. Damn, I killed the mood again. A car flashed by us. I saw tears in Jakkie's light blue eyes as the headlights highlighted her figure. The car turned a corner and misted the curb beside it as it tore into a puddle.

"Sorry," I said.

"It's okay," Jakkie responded. "Tonight's not a lot to try and be happy about."

"There's always a time to be optimistic," Monroe said. I laughed and shook my head. I swallowed the tears that were welling in my throat.

"That's not tonight, buddy," I choked out.

Monroe's fake smile faded. "I'm scared."

There was more silence. We were nearing the end of the curving road. Monroe sniffed up a drip of mucus from his nose.

"I know," I said. "We all are."

"Here it is."

I looked in front of me. The back of the entrance sign to River Commons stood astute. parallel to the road. It was about six feet high, and made of tan brick. It nestled a field of deep green grass. The floodlights that illuminated its words created a semicircle shadow that concealed the ground.

"Behind the neighborhood sign?" I asked. What a disappointment.

"This is it!" Monroe confirmed. "You're not going to take us into the path are you?"

"No, we're just going to stay in the shadow."

"Oh."

We jogged over to the small field. Jakkie and Monroe fell onto their backs, surveying the sky. I scanned the area around me. I had never noticed it before. It was perfectly veiled from the roads. Maybe Jakkie wasn't as crazy as I thought. I slowly approached the two and plopped beside them.

I pulled my cracked, pale hands into my sleeves and created a cushion for my head. The grass was cold and damp. A menacing black circle of water grew on the back of my jeans. I got comfortable, sighed, and looked up at the firmament.

I was immersed in a surrealistic trance. Above me, I watched the cloud shapes fly by. The billows were moving so fast. The moon played peek-a-boo with me as it bounced back and forth in visibility. The sky was a deep purple. The air blanketed me with a sense of security. The rumble of passing cars whispered sweet lullabies to the stars that faded in and out with the flickering of the street lights. Leaves fell and tumbled helplessly from their branches. Trees, withered with age, bent sideways and left themselves to the whim of the harsh blustering winds.

I couldn't take it. I turned onto my side. I stared at the back of Monroe's neck, who was cuddled snugly next to Jakkie. Teenage love was a bittersweet affair. The wisps of breath from the star-crossed couple rose and faded in unison. My impulsiveness got the best of me.

"No!"

Monroe and Jakkie cut their embrace and turned to look at me.

I stood up forcefully. "No!" I screamed.

"What is it?" Jakkie asked.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek. "This isn't fair. Why the hell are we so stupid?"

"What? What are you talking about?" Monroe asked.

"Us! We! Humans! America! I don't fucking care. Why the hell did we do this?"

Jakkie and Monroe looked at each other and figured out the context of my outburst. "I don't know, Tristan."

I wiped a tear from my flustered cheeks. "I mean, look around you. Look at the sheer innocent beauty of everything!"

"Sometimes," Jakkie started, "we just don't pay attention."

I gulped down a stone that was lodged in my throat. "What the hell went wrong? What is wrong with everybody?" I said softly. "Why does no one see what's wrong? After tonight, it'll all be gone! Every single solitary piece of splendor will just be gone in the blink of an eye. Why? Power. Don't you see? We've fucked up bad. We lost sight of our place in the agenda of the universe. We're not supposed to be doing this!" I paused and wiped my sweating forehead. The large amounts of salt coming from every pore in my body stung my eyes. A cool breeze waved across me. "Look around you. Look at everything we've done." I ran over to the closest lamp post. "Fuck this electricity." I kicked it stupidly. "Fuck man made things in general. We've just screwed over the one place that's accepted us into its life: Earth. The ONE place we have. Now, due to our stupidity, it's going to be gone. Every breath of life and all that was good on this planet is going to be blown away all because of that guy." I pointed to the sky. "One major fuck up who couldn't seem to control his capitalist ass from getting his way."

"You can't blame God for this," Monroe said quietly.

I laughed. "God? Who's blaming God? I don't mean God. I mean the fucking president. I mean our government who's gotten so used to getting what they want, all because their daddies and mommies bought them pretty pieces of cardboard with their names on it next to the word Vote. And we're all so blind to it all," I ranted. "We walk through life every day, sitting on our asses, wasting away the seconds until we decide we want to do something." I threw my head down and back up again violently. "Fuck. I gotta piss."

I ran off into a patch of the woods, leaving Jakkie and Monroe in my tracks. They were speechless.

I went into the depths of the woods and unzipped my pants. The tight pressure was released from my sweating waist. I lowered my boxers, and let loose. A harsh shiver rocked my spine as I stood watering the plants. I looked up into the branches. They watched silently over me, whispering silent rumors and truths. They charted their last words and planned accordingly. My pale stomach glowed in the dark evening sky. I zipped up my pants and walked out of the woods, leaving behind my last fizzing vestige to the world.

I wiped my nose and approached Monroe and Jakkie. They sat side by side, awaiting my return.

There was an awkward silence as I stood in front of them, casting the shadow of existentialism down upon them. I rested my hands on my hips and looked at the ground.

"You're right, you know?" Jakkie said quietly. I laughed quietly and nodded. "We really did screw up."

Monroe got up and walked towards the road. "When do you think they'll drop?"

I fished in my mind. "I don't know."

"Do you think we can do something about it?" Jakkie asked. "Maybe," she paused. "Maybe they'll just forget or something. Maybe we can stop this whole thing.

"Fat chance," I said, still looking at the ground. A beetle rushed silently across the wet blades of grass. "Do you honestly think we can do anything about it?"

"How could we not have seen it coming?" Monroe asked the road. "We didn't find anything."

"Do you know big it is over there?" I looked over at Monroe. He turned to me. His eyes were illuminated by the floodlights of the neighborhood sign. "They could have hid them anywhere."

Jakkie fell onto her back again. "Fuck."

In the distance, there was a slight rumble of static-like noise. The wind fell silent. The rustling leaves which once danced across the luminous streets stopped rolling. The crickets hushed. The noise was getting louder.

Then, from the darkened skyline, an immense plane swam across the firmament. It roared as we all stared up in pity. The moon blackened completely. The stars stopped flickering. The clouds stopped moving. All was still. The noise infected us like chlorine gas. It filled our lungs. It stopped our hearts. It froze our pulses. The sound was simple and deadly. There was never a sound so terrifying that I had ever heard.

The plane was larger than anything I had ever seen. It filled up most of the entire skyline above us. Finally, the tail waved graciously goodbye at us, and the roaring slowly faded away.

"They're here," Jakkie whispered.

Monroe and I fell to the ground. My stomach churned. I began to vomit. My insides lurched as I flew forward in pain. Fear had gotten the best of me. Jakkie rushed to my side and rubbed my back. I lurched and hurled up another shot. There was a sickening taste of metal and venom in my nose. My gut shook violently and I heaved up the last of my insecurity. I fell to my side, crying and shivering.

Jakkie, shaken as well, ran her fingers through my hair. "It's going to be—" She stopped. She was lying to herself. "I'm here for you." Her fingers were soothing on my scalp.

Monroe walked quietly over and sat next to me. "I'm here too."

The words processed within me. I smiled. Jakkie embraced me. Monroe joined in as well. We all were trembling. I felt their warmth, and suddenly broke out into laughter. Bewildered, Jakkie and Monroe looked at each other, then at me. Without warning, they began laughing too.

Moments later, there was a great flash of light followed by a tremendous rumble. The trees, the wind, the lights, the leaves, the sky, the clouds, the stars, the grass, the beetles, the puddles and our laughter was silenced in a flash of red, white, and blue.

-------
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things;
will never wholly kiss you.

my privacy feels so invaded
because on the radio every song just
seems to wail the story of you and I
the perfect lyrical biography

and as every song floats out the words
that tells the tales of pain and sorrow
my heart just asks the question every moment:
"is it december yet?"

you see, it just doesn't make much sense
that we stay so god damn divided
the signs are everywhere, but there's
no explanation to be found

three thousand miles lay between
two destined souls
the first heart-created structure to be seen
from the moon to the naked eye.

Hey there, Delilah
did you know,
oh, love of mine,
that I am the luckiest?

And word after word
can waterfall out of blown out
speakers, but it will only
make me miss you more

jim casy,
where are you when I need you?

preach to me
make me feel alright
preach to me
make me feel alright
preach to me
make me feel alright
preach to me
make me feel alright

is it december yet?


-------
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things;
will never wholly kiss you.

Membername: xoxo1234
Title of Piece: Are You There, God? It's Me, Keren.
Type of Piece (Memoir, Poem, Short Story etc.): Poem.
Piece:

I've tried nearly everything in my power
To make it work, so that in the last hour
I can continue to live, to breathe, to cope
Without any want, without any desire
To just pull the trigger and let my soul go higher
Or lower, or left, or right, or nowhere,
Just anywhere but here.

With every breath I take I wish a silent wish,
A silent prayer to the God who doesn't exist
To please, I beg him, please, be true,
I'd feel so much better if I knew that you
Could see through the chaos to a better place
This place called the future in which I am safe
From harm, yet not from what people might expect,
But safe from myself.

Subconsciously I beg of him to sort things out
To have a bigger plan than all of thought doubt
To love my family, because more than ever
Do they need you even more than I.

Where is this God I was taught did surround us?
If he isn't there this life is hopeless
I need to know we'll make it through this mess
I need to know it is going to be fine
I need to know in the future a light really does shine,

Please be there, wherever you may lay,
So that I know, I really will be okay.

Just wondering, can we enter a descriptive peice? As in something that you may find within a novel to describe a particular place or setting? Obviously it would be in depth.

-------
Advice is what we ask for when we
already know the answer but wish we didn't.

I see a lot of religious rants on these pages. How about one atheistic rant, for the sake of diversity? It's very basic at this point; I'll edit it as time goes by.

The hunters and gatherers 10,000 years ago didn't know much about nature. They had a god of thunder, a goddess of harvest, a sun god, a moon goddess, and many others. As human knowledge evolved, it became apparent that all nature is one, everything is interconnected, and there is no such thing as a bunch of gods living in the skies.

Later, when they were ready, humans became monotheistic. They finally had one god. But he was still some mythical creature, sending plague, famine, or good fortune down, punishing the bad guys, rewarding the good ones, and so on. He sat in the skies and ruled the world on a day-to-day basis. He'd part a sea here, talk to a prophet there, cure the sick in this corner, and make a woman pregnant in that one.

But a few centuries later people knew all there was to know about thunder, floods, eclipsed sun, and planetary formations. The more people learned about the world around them, the less room there was for mythology. And the more things were explained, the less god had to do with them. Invariably, however, he receded to control the areas that still were not understood. Human emotions, diseases, our "souls", some physical phenomena, etc. People actually drew the location of the soul on the pictures.

But science moved along. We learned about the immune system, genetics, and functioning of the brain. We found what areas of the brain are activated when we feel "in love" or when we feel hate, what neurotransmitters are released when we are sad or happy. The brain is still a marvel, but we are moving along relatively fast. Some day we'll be able to write every brain reaction in the form of biochemical equations and integrals. That'll likely happen in our lifetimes. We now know there is no physical soul, we know why we get sick or get well, we've been to space and saw no god there. We even know how we fall in love or why we get hooked on gambling. And we know it all on a scientific, chemical level.

The religion had to retreat again. Now everything is invisible. Our soul evolved into some unknown metaphysical entity nobody can see or feel. The God is something that's nowhere and everywhere, and doesn't control things because we have free will. Nothing can be proven because nothing can be known.

Mind you, this is NOT the religion that people who wrote the Bible espoused. This is not the God they envisioned. But hey, we still want to believe in afterlife, right? It's so comforting and convenient... But we have to make amends to science - otherwise we'll have to accept that we are not going to see our dead loved ones again, that the evildoers who prospered in life will not be punished after their deaths, and the good people who were miserable will never be rewarded. That is more than the average human psyche can handle. We don't want to believe that the world is so damn unfair, and then you just CEASE TO EXIST, altogether. No, no, no, we are not ready for it, on individual OR societal level. (And I am not being sarcastic, by the way, I mean it - society is not ready for it.)

We are also not ready to give up that manipulation lever. Be good, or you'll be punished. Don't be good because you are a decent human being - no, be good out of fear of eternal punishment! And sacrifice your life on the altar of yet another great ideal. God is on our side! Kill the infidels! No, it's not the Christianity that evolved past that. It's the Christian societies that did. And the Muslim societies by and large didn't. But the religions themselves are not that different. Bible and Koran are both chock-full of people sacrificing everything in the name of God, being punished for disobeying God, and rewarded for obeying him. And the next Great Manipulator may be just around the corner.

But what's religion to do? Science is pushing the edges of the Unknown further and further! Oh, but there is one thing that's still a mystery. The creation of the Earth and humans. Evolution does not explain half of it. So, it must be God. That proves everything, right? Right? That means we don't have to give up the beloved idea of an afterlife? Well, sure, every time we can't explain something...

But we will. Some day, we will. Biology is waiting for its Einstein. I don't have the answers. I just think that believing in supernatural instead of looking for the answers is pretty damn convenient. But it's nothing new. People used to believe in the god of thunder, after all....


-------
(*HUSTLE*)
(*LOYALTY*)
(*RESPECT*)
Click here to make me happy!

Membername: Bacon
Title of Piece: Nathan's Last Words
Type of Piece (Memoir, Poem, Short Story etc.): Short Story
Piece:

Day 6325 (May 12th, 1987):
Today will be my last entry in this diary. I've decided the pain is too overbearing to continue living my life. No one will miss me. After all, I am just an insignificant, unlikable 17 year old that people look at me with pity and relish in the knowledge that they have a better life than I do. God, I just hate it all. God. What a stupid word. Such an idealistic thought. I wish I was a god. I'd actually do my job and uphold good and put evil in its place. But too late now. Maybe my next life will be a powerful figure and then I'll be able to become a god. I'm still quite nervous about facing death, but everything is prepared. I wonder if breaking my neck will hurt? Oh well, it'll be worth it, I'm sure. I've got to go now. This journal has helped me a lot, but in the end it simply wasn't good enough. To my few friends and family, and to myself: goodbye.

Day 6326 (May 13th, 1987):
Well, I disappointed myself yesterday. I tried to hang myself, but I just couldn't do it. So I've decided to rid myself of this world in a different way. Today at approximately 5:30 pm I will jump off the 15th floor of a nearby apartment building. This time I will not stop myself. This is officially the last entry of this journal. Goodbye everyone.
P.S. Can someone take care of my cat, Jingle while I'm gone?

Day ? (?):
Okay, something weird is happening. Just a few minutes ago I landed hard on the pavement after dropping 15 storeys from an apartment building. It actually hurt quite a lot for a few seconds and I heard a few bones break but then I think I must have blacked out. I "woke up" sitting at my desk on my comfortable leather chair. Its dark outside, so it must be later than 5:30pm.. And I think it's still the 13th of May as my room is exactly how I left it when I said goodbye in this journal.
I don't feel dead. Nor do I feel like a ghost or anything. I feel alive. More alive than ever. However, I'm still in this wretched body and I just want to get out of it. Even in death I'm not free! I may write more later.

Day 6326 (May 13th, 1987):
THINGS HAVE GOTTEN VERY, VERY ODD. TIME HAS STOPPED. I am not kidding, it literally has stopped. People, cars, smoke even birds are stuck in place. I can move things around though, so it's weird. I didn't notice it in my last entry as I was in my room, where nothing usually moves anyway - except my digital clock. I noticed something was up when I saw that it was fixed on "5:43PM". I think I will take a trip down to where I landed and presumably died. Something tells me it won't be pretty.

October, 1998:
Okay, this is going to be hard to explain because I'm still trying to understand it myself. Today is October the 3rd, 1998. Over 11 years since I "died". I have no idea how time jumped from 1987 to 1998, because all I did was return to where I died. However, as soon as I took a glimpse of my mangled, deceased body.. The jump happened. And I have no idea where I am, either. It looks like a dusty old basement, but who knows who it belongs to. I seem to be connected to my journal somehow. And I think it's been passed on over these 11 years because I found it inside a small orange crate, wedged between countless magazines from the late 1980s - a time I do not think I will get to see. Looking through these magazines I see that times have certainly brought new fashions, technology and styles of writing. Many of which shocked me. I have only guessed the date for this entry. The calendar on the wall says "October 1998" so I assume it's pretty accurate.
Writing in this journal is strange, especially when the pages are yellowing in this dusty environment. It makes me feel a lot older - even though I shouldn't be feeling anything at all. I think I will gather some courage to explore the house above this basement.

??? (previously October, 1998):
Turns out the basement was more of a bomb shelter, and the date may be quite a while after October, 1998. I have just returned from my little exploration and what I found was absolute desolation. Blackened stumps of trees, strewn debris all over the slightly damp ground. It is a cocktail of metal, brick and wood chunks. A lot of weeds and vegetation have grown over the debris, patchily covering it. The sky is freaky. And by freaky I mean it is out-of-this-world. It isn't blue anymore, it's more green in hue. Thick cloud swirls around above, making it look like burnt vomit - something I never want to see (or smell). And I think my journal is sort of.. Manifesting me here. I walked quite a distance from the bomb shelter and I started to feel strange. Not strange as in sick, but strange as in I simply had no will to walk any further. I felt better and more willing when I got back to the shelter and started writing this entry. So I've decided to take this journal and a pen with me, and explore this desolated world. This can't be heaven or hell can it? And it can't be reincarnation or even simply "not existing". What the hell is going on?

Day 2:
It has been a day since I think I have embarked on something new. A strange new existence in the future. I am happier than I think I have ever been while alive. I don't feel hungry or thirsty or tired or anything like that. But I seem to feel emotions, just like I did while alive. But then, I'm still assuming that I'm dead. This journal has something to do with my existence here.. Anyway, I have been walking closer towards something just above the horizon to the North. It is a massive floating thing, triangular in shape. It grows larger in the distance as I get closer to it and I can see that it has to be the size of a small city, at least. I will write again when I get closer.

Day 2:
I'm right under the massive triangle I was describing before. turns out it is a floating pyramid, split down the middle. Many rods fly in and out of the two halves. The pyramid is very dark and has many tiny points of red light. And this pen is running out. Everywhere is flattened ruin, and writing implements are hard to find. It's almost g  ne  no  . O  f   to f  nd ano he  pen  

Day 9:
It has taken me 7 days to find something decent to write in this journal. I was almost tempted to write using my own blood (if I could figure out how to make me bleed). I have a lot to write about. First of all, it appears that the giant floating pyramid was not one of a kind. There are many of them. Each of them are large distances apart. Second, I found something amazing about 2 days ago. A dead body of something. It looks almost like a monkey, a human and a bird. It was as if it was a disturbing hybrid - something that nightmares are made of. And yet, I was more relieved to see it than scared. After all, I hadn't seen any sign of life - dead or alive - for days. The Earth seems very dry and flat, or at least this part of it is. Its highly suspicious. Though I did find a thick sliver of charcoal that I am using to write this entry..
I get the feeling that the floating pyramids are alien, but its not as if I can find out and go inside one of them. However, I have made it a goal of mine. I will not write another entry until I am inside one of those freaky pyramid things.

-------
Genetics is fate. Change our genes, achieve free will.

Membername: BOOM BOOM BOOMx3
Title of Piece: shut.
Type of Piece: poem.
Piece:

Nothing is supposed to die really.
People, things, they just fade away.
They dwell in your mind.
We crashed, we died.
I never thought our fire would stop burning,
because I've looked into your eyes,
trust me I have,
blue right?
And what I saw was,
well it was beautiful.
A melodramatic collage of hope,
dreams that came true.
Your eyes have faded.
Faded? Shut actually.
It's like one day you see a person,
your world,
and they don't see you back.
And it's not right, it's not.
Memories don't die.
Hearts don't change.
Eyes don't shut.
So the next time our eyes meet and our bodies touch,
don't act, don't pretend that we never had something...
That i was never in your heart...
That I never existed at all.

Don't get your expectations up or anything, though. Remember, it's still my second one, ever!

darkness, lifeless, laying all alone,
my body is as cold as stone.
i need someone by me,
some one who can see.
that I just live in this body,
it really isn't me.
for someone me to hold,
they will have to be bold.
cause cant you see,
this isn't me. no one sees the pain
i hide, its hidden way deep inside.
I'm tired of being, and
I'm sick of no one seeing.
I wished I didn't hear the lie, I wished
I could just curl up and die.
so thick I cant hear a sound, as
depression is all around.
I need someone to save me, I need
someone to see. that I truly cant be read,
cause the real me is dead.

-------
"Somewhere theres a star thats shining so bright that  
I can see your smile, and all I need is one last chance
Just to hear you say goodbye." RIP Mamaw 9-8-09

I'm a suicidal dreamer,
I'm an unloved lover.
I'm that person in the corner,
I'm that unseen loner.
I'm the one that everyone ignores,
but someone my heart always adores.
I'm the one thats always picked last,
and from which everyone gets there laughs.
i have no one for life me to share,
and i know that he doesn't care.
i see you when I'm asleep,
especially when the dream is deep.
why doesn't anyone love me,
why cant anyone see.
that I'm tired of being left here,
all alone in the clear.
all i want is him,
so maybe my life wont be so grim.
but what am i joking,
why myself do i keep stoking.
cause I'm just your unloved lover,
who you made there heart hover.
so give me a knife,
so i can end this life.
cause I'm tired of being that suicidal dreamer.

-------
"Somewhere theres a star thats shining so bright that  
I can see your smile, and all I need is one last chance
Just to hear you say goodbye." RIP Mamaw 9-8-09

Azrael looked around the dark alley wondering what she was doing there. She was beginning to get cold and that was odd because normally she never felt the cold. She had a nagging sense in the back of her mind that warned her to leave and get out now. Azrael ignored it because what had she to fear?

There was a gust of wind and a voice whispered on it. "Azrael, I'm hoooomme."
Azrael's head whipped around and her eyes darted left and right as she looked for the source of the sound. "Who's there?" she asked already knowing.
"You know me, Azrael. You know me better than you know yourself." The voice whispered.
Azrael wanted to run because she knew what would happen is he touched her again. "What do you want from me?"
"I want to be free, Azrael. Let me come out for a little while." The voice said whispered softly behind her.
Azrael turned so fast she stumbled and fell and was left staring up at him. "You know I can't do that. You know I won't."
"You will, Azrael you will." He said smiling.

Azrael scrambled to get up and started running already knowing she couldn't out run him. Already knowing you can't outrun yourself.[i/]

Azrael sat up straight in the bed her eyes wide and a far away blind grey. "Not again," she whispered not seeing anything in the room.

[i]He appeared in front of her making he skid to a halt and fall again. He tapped his foot impatiently. "And just where," he asked, "do you think you're going?"
"Away from you." She answered getting up slowly.
"Now why would you want to do that?"
"Because you're nothing but trouble. Every time I give you leeway someone I love dies." She said angrily.
"Oooo, emotion. Anger at that." He mocked. "You are meant to be alone. All by yourself, I'm just making sure you stay that way."
"What if I don't want to be alone?" she asked backing away from him.
"Too bad."

She turned and tried to run again but he grabbed a handful of her blue hair and yanked her back against him making her cry out in pain.

Tears were falling down her face now. "I don't want to be alone anymore. I can't live alone anymore."

He used her hair as a handle and yanked her head to the side and whispered in her ear. "Say my name, Azrael."
Azrael's breathing was harsh. He knew just what to do to turn her on but she wouldn't, couldn't give in. "No."
He bit her ear and hissed. "Say it."
"I will not."
His hand snaked around to hold the side of her neck as he bit down on it gently and then harder until he drew blood. "Say it, Azrael." he whispered with his mind. "Say my name."

"Don't make me do it." Azrael said sobbing rocking back and forth. "Please don't make me say it."

[i[Azrael was trembling in his arms. "I like you this way. So much more...what's the word...Alive."
She wanted to run. She couldn't possibly hold out longer if he kept this up. "Let me go." She whispered.
"No Azrael." He whispered harshly in her ear. He fingered the bite marks he made in her neck lightly. "I'm not letting you go until you give me what I want, Azrael."[/i]

"Never," she said softly scrambling off the bed and running into the door.

Azrael pulled away from him, or tried to. "I can't," she said. "I'm sorry, but I can't."
He growled in her ear and pushed her to the ground and looked down at her. "Run, Azrael. I want to feel your fear inside me when you try to escape." He said smiling harshly. "If you make it good I might let you leave."

She didn't give him a chance to change his mind. She got up and ran knowing the lives of the ones she loved and her sanity depended on it.

Azrael's hand searched frantically for the doorknob but she couldn't find it.

She could feel him behind her. Never too far but never too close either. He was toying with her. Azrael suddenly remembered that this was a dream and the alleyway turned in to a forest. She ran dodging trees left and right. Shifting the forest with her mind to try and lose him. When that didn't work she jumped up and ran in the trees. Azrael was about to make a jump to another tree when he grabbed her hair and threw her to the ground. She was wincing when she got up but continued to run.

"Let me out." She screamed banging on the door. "LET ME OUT!" HEr voice cracked as the sobs began to creep into her voice.

"This bores me." he said from in front of her.
Azrael ran into his chest and was about to fall but he caught and held her there. "Let me go,"
"Give me what I want and I will." He repeated.
She shook her head.
"No?" he questioned. "I'll take it then."

His head lowered to hers and he kissed her. He kissed her sliding his tongue in her mouth making her remember everything they used to be together before she left. Every kiss and every touch they shared all those ages ago.

"Stop it Gabriel." She moaned crying. "Stop. Oh god please stop."

"Not exactly what I was hoping for but it'll do." He said his eyes glowing a shade of light blue that was positively overflowing with power.
"Let me go, Gabriel." She said knowing that once his name was said there was no taking it back; no pretending it hadn't happened.
"I'll let you go for now, Azrael." He said his finger tracing lines on her cheek. "But I'll be back and when I come back, someone is dying and I don't care who."
Azrael glared at him, her eyes flashing red. "It isn't as if no one dies when you manage to get out. I mean you fucking killed the only family that cared about me!"
Gabriel smiled slowly. It was a cold smile and it held all the power of her fear in it. "And yet this time, I'm going to kill who you really love...the one who managed to make you laugh again.
Azrael's face blanched several shades and her knees buckled. "No...Gabriel please no..." she whispered all her bravado gone.
Gabriel disappeared leaving her in the dark forest of her mind with nothing more than his cruel evil laugh to haunt her and prove the dream was real.

Azrael woke out of her nightmare on her knees clutching the hotel door knob, tears rolling down her face and her throat raw from screaming.

Still crying she managed to use the door knob to pull herself to her feet and walked to the mirror. When she saw her reflection she when pale as her occupation. She was white as death and her eyes were a lifeless blue grey.

Azrael lifted a shaking hand and touched her face. She spotted the bruises on her skin and it was then she knew that her worst nightmare...her own personal demon from the past had come back and everything she was was now at stake.  It was then she knew that if Gabriel killed the last person that tied her to this world her mind would break and she would be a ghost of herself...her mission in life would be to kill again...and she did not want to be just a killer. Her love had taught her that there was more to life than that.

But not for her. If he was dead then there wasn't more to life than the reason she was created....

-------
Women have superpowers. We get wet without water,
bleed without a cut, make boneless meat hard,
and last but definitely not least make guys eat without cooking food.

I know I'm not going to win this contest, but this whole writing poetry thing is at least giving me something to do. Even if I am terrible.

A scream, a shout,
A bang, he walks out,
As she begins to cry
She just wants to go back
Way into the past
So she'll no longer wish to die.

She wants to go back to the nights in his car,
Talking, wishing, holding hands in the dark,
While he all of a sudden turns the radio on,
Blasting aloud their favorite song,
And as they sing at the top of their lungs,
A man passes on his nightly run,
An overjoyed grad speaks to his new boss,
A baby is born and another one lost,

But these two teenage lovers,
As they sit and they smile,
Are so unaware as they will be in awhile
They're self absorbed and naive
And can only focus on,
That one little spark in between their two arms

The spark which eventually turns into a kiss,
Which turns into a moment of pure and true bliss,
A shared moment, a touch here and there,
Which one week later turns into a scare,
But together they stand, in a mutual bind,
Breathing sighs of relief at that negative sign,
Just like they did when the Seagulls lost,
As he scored an education with that one last toss.

And this poor little girl, who thought she was complete
Is all alone to suffer the ultimate feat
Because the bliss is all over,
Only the memories remain
She's even wondering if it was worth it to play the game.
Forever, he'd said as he'd kissed her sweet soul,
But there's no such thing as forever, as she now knows.

Yet this girl is strong, she'll carry through.
No matter how hard it'll be to do.
She tells herself she has to survive,
Because, clever girl, she knows this is life.
And life is a beautiful, complicated thing.
But most of all it is huge,
And certainly surprising.
And she has to trust fate, and rewake the dying
Part of her deep down inside,
Who just wants to give up, just wants to hide.

All these years this part of her soul
Hasn't needed to come out, because of her beau
But now that he's gone, she needs to be brave
She'll expose her whole self until she can firmly say,
That she can stand on her own two feet,
That she can live even through defeat.
That she can cope, even alone,
Just like it says she does at the end of this poem.