• Panic Disorder by Me2U

• Helpful Suicidal Sites by blackTear126

• Depression & Finding A Good Therapist by Tempral

• Self-Injury & Help by Tempral

• My Advice-Description: Please take the time to read this by XZRM

• The Great Gift of Self-Esteem by Togabearcat

• Thinking of Cutting? by dull

• 153 Thing To Do Instead of Self Harming by Bball 06 to 24

• Considering suicide/self-harm? - Some things to think about by c j

• Something to think about before self-harming by cnath

• How to deal with bullying by Negative

• General Help for Self-Harmers by mad world

• Reclaiming your power from Insecurity by dragonking

• Suicide? Read this First by galeharoldishot

Other links you may find helpful:

• The Definitive Guide To Self Harm compiled by ManicD
  

Links to other websites:

• http://www.selfharm.net/
  
• Bullying - Myths

Post edited at 5:19 am on July 7, 2009 by cutie2

Panic Disorder is a serious condition that around one out of every 75 people might experience. It usually appears during the teens or early adulthood, and while the exact causes are unclear, there does seem to be a connection with major life transitions that are potentially stressful: graduating from college, getting married, having a first child, and so on. There is also some evidence for a genetic predisposition; if a family member has suffered from panic disorder, you have an increased risk of suffering from it yourself, especially during a time in your life that is particularly stressful.

Panic Attacks

A panic attack is a sudden surge of overwhelming fear that comes without warning and without any obvious reason. It is far more intense than the feeling of being 'stressed out' that most people experience. Symptoms of a panic attack include:

• Racing heartbeat
  
• Difficulty breathing, feeling as though you 'can't get enough air'
  
• Terror that is almost paralyzing
  
• Dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea
  
• Trembling, sweating, shaking
  
• Choking, chest pains
  
• Hot flashes, or sudden chills
  
• Tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles')
  
• Fear that you're going to go crazy or are about to die
  

In addition to the above symptoms, a panic attack is marked by the following conditions:

• It occurs suddenly, without any warning and without any way to stop it.
  
• The level of fear is way out of proportion to the actual situation; often, in fact, it's completely unrelated.
  
• It passes in a few minutes; the body cannot sustain the 'fight or flight' response for longer than that. However, repeated attacks can continue to recur for hours.
  

In fact, the phobias that people with panic disorder develop do not come from fears of actual objects or events, but rather from fear of having another attack. In these cases, people will avoid certain objects or situations because they fear that these things will trigger another attack.

How to Identify Panic Disorder

Please remember that only a licensed therapist can diagnose a panic disorder. There are certain signs you may already be aware of, though.

One study found that people sometimes see 10 or more doctors before being properly diagnosed, and that only one out of four people with the disorder receive the treatment they need. That's why it's important to know what the symptoms are, and to make sure you get the right help.

Many people experience occasional panic attacks, and if you have had one or two such attacks, there probably isn't any reason to worry. The key symptom of panic disorder is the persistent fear of having future panic attacks. If you suffer from repeated (four or more) panic attacks, and especially if you have had a panic attack and are in continued fear of having another, these are signs that you should consider finding a mental health professional who specializes in panic or anxiety disorders.

What Causes Panic Disorder: Mind, Body, or Both?

Body: There may be a genetic predisposition to anxiety disorders; some sufferers report that a family member has or had a panic disorder or some other emotional disorder such as depression. Studies with twins have confirmed the possibility of 'genetic inheritance' of the disorder.

Panic Disorder could also be due to a biological malfunction, although a specific biological marker has yet to be identified.

All ethnic groups are vulnerable to panic disorder. For unknown reasons, women are twice as likely to get the disorder as men.

Mind: Stressful life events can trigger panic disorders. One association that has been noted is that of a recent loss or separation. Some researchers liken the 'life stressor' to a thermostat; that is, when stresses lower your resistance, the underlying physical predisposition kicks in and triggers an attack.

Both: Physical and psychological causes of panic disorder work together. Although initially attacks may come out of the blue, eventually the sufferer may actually help bring them on by responding to physical symptoms of an attack.

For example, if a person with panic disorder experiences a racing heartbeat caused by drinking coffee, exercising, or taking a certain medication, they might interpret this as a symptom of an attack and , because of their anxiety, actually bring on the attack. On the other hand, coffee, exercise, and certain medications sometimes do, in fact, cause panic attacks. One of the most frustrating things for the panic sufferer is never knowing how to isolate the different triggers of an attack. That's why the right therapy for panic disorder focuses on all aspects -- physical, psychological, and physiological -- of the disorder.

Can People with Panic Disorder lead normal lives?

The answer to this is a resounding YES -- if they receive treatment.

Panic disorder is highly treatable, with a variety of available therapies. These treatments are extremely effective, and most people who have successfully completed treatment can continue to experience situational avoidance or anxiety, and further treatment might be necessary in those cases. Once treated, panic disorder doesn't lead to any permanent complications.

Side Effects of Panic Disorder

Without treatment, panic disorder can have very serious consequences.

The immediate danger with panic disorder is that it can often lead to a phobia. That's because once you've suffered a panic attack, you may start to avoid situations like the one you were in when the attack occurred.

Many people with panic disorder show 'situational avoidance' associated with their panic attacks. For example, you might have an attack while driving, and start to avoid driving until you develop an actual phobia towards it. In worst case scenarios, people with panic disorder develop agoraphobia -- fear of going outdoors -- because they believe that by staying inside, they can avoid all situations that might provoke an attack, or where they might not be able to get help. The fear of an attack is so debilitating, they prefer to spend their lives locked inside their homes.

Even if you don't develop these extreme phobias, your quality of life can be severely damaged by untreated panic disorder. A recent study showed that people who suffer from panic disorder:

• Are more prone to alcohol and other drug abuse
  
• Have greater risk of attempting suicide
  
• Spend more time in hospital emergency rooms
  
• Spend less time on hobbies, sports and other satisfying activities
  
• Tend to be financially dependent on others
  
• Report feeling emotionally and physically less healthy than non-sufferers.
  
• Are afraid of driving more than a few miles away from home
  

None of this needs to happen. Panic disorder can be treated successfully, and sufferers can go on to lead full and satisfying lives.

How Can Panic Disorder Be Treated?

Most specialists agree that a combination of cognitive and behavioral therapies are the best treatment for panic disorder. Medication might also be appropriate in some cases.

The first part of therapy is largely informational; many people are greatly helped by simply understanding exactly what panic disorder is, and how many others suffer from it. Many people who suffer from panic disorder are worried that their panic attacks mean they're 'going crazy' or that the panic might induce a heart attack. 'Cognitive restructuring' (changing one's way of thinking) helps people replace those thoughts with more realistic, positive ways of viewing the attacks.

Cognitive therapy can help the patient identify possible triggers for the attacks. The trigger in an individual case could be something like a thought, a situation, or something as subtle as a slight change in heartbeat. Once the patient understands that the panic attack is separate and independent of the trigger, that trigger begins to lose some of its power to induce an attack.

The behavioral components of the therapy can consist of what one group of clinicians has termed 'interoceptive exposure.' This is similar to the systematic desensitization used to cure phobias, but what it focuses on is exposure to he actual physical sensations that someone experiences during a panic attack.

People with panic disorder are more afraid of the actual attack than they are of specific objects or events; for instance, their 'fear of flying' is not that the planes will crash but that they will have a panic attack in a place, like a plane, where they can't get to help. Others won't drink coffee or go to an overheated room because they're afraid that these might trigger the physical symptoms of a panic attack.

Interoceptive exposure can help them go through the symptoms of an attack (elevated heart rate, hot flashes, sweating, and so on) in a controlled setting, and teach them that these symptoms need not develop into a full-blown attack. Behavioral therapy is also used to deal with the situational avoidance associated with panic attacks. One very effective treatment for phobias is in vivo exposure, which is in its simplest terms means breaking a fearful situation down into small manageable steps and doing them one at a time until the most difficult level is mastered.

Relaxation techniques can further help someone 'flow through' an attack. These techniques include breathing retraining and positive visualization. Some experts have found that people with panic disorder tend to have slightly higher than average breathing rates, learning to slow this can help someone deal with a panic attack and can also prevent future attacks.

In some cases, medications may also be needed. Anti-anxiety medications may be prescribed, as well as antidepressants, and sometimes even heart medications (such as beta blockers) that are used to control irregular heartbeats.

Finally, a support group with others who suffer from panic disorder can be very helpful to some people. It can't take the place of therapy, but it can be a useful adjunct.

If you suffer from panic disorder, these therapies can help you. But you can't do them on your own; all of these treatments must be outlined and prescribed by a psychologist or psychiatrist.

How Long Does Treatment Take?

Much of the success of treatment depends on your willingness to carefully follow the outlined treatment plan. This is often multifaceted, and it won't work overnight, but if you stick with it, you should start to have noticeable improvement within about 10 to 20 weekly sessions. If you continue to follow the program, within one year you will notice a tremendous improvement.

If you are suffering from panic disorder, you should be able to find help in your area. You need to find a licensed psychologist or other mental health professional who specializes in panic or anxiety disorders. There may even be a clinic nearby that specializes in these disorders.

When you speak with a therapist, specify that you think you have panic disorder, and ask about his or her experience treating this disorder.

Keep in mind, though, that panic disorder, like any other emotional disorder, isn't something you can either diagnose or cure by yourself. An experience clinical psychologist or psychiatrist is the most qualified person to make this diagnosis, just as he or she is the most qualified to treat this disorder.

Panic disorder does not need to disrupt your life in any way!

- Me2u

If you would like to check this topic for its replies, you can visit it by clicking here.

Post edited at 4:51 am on July 7, 2009 by cutie2

-------
"If you stand in front of a mirror holiding a dozen roses, you'll see
thirteen of the most beautiful things."
"Don't have regrets because at one point, you were doing exactly what you
wanted to."

(Maybe you have a friend or family member who's thinking about it...talk to them, don't freak out on them...if they get as far as talking to you about it, that's great! Help them get help.)Thinking about suicide?? Stop right there!! Check these links out first! You could turn your life around...pain doesn't have to control you. Don't let it take your life away. Please check these sites out...

http://www.GodTest.com --After the little test thing, it's got links that will help.

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ --Thinking about suicide? Read this first!

http://suicidehotlines.com/ --Suicide Hotlines near you. (in USA)

http://www.angelfire.com/on3/teensuicidehelp/ --Teen Suicide Help.

http://www.kidshelpphone.ca --Counselors & Peer Support with free help line

http://www.suicide-helplines.org/ --Suicide Helplines Around the World.

http://mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=9 --There's plenty to check out here...

I hope these help you change your mind. Life doesn't have to be so bad.

Here's something to check out...it's got a bunch of links to support groups and sites with info. http://directory.google.com/Top/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Suicide/

-BlackTear126

If you would like to check this topic for its replies, you can visit it by clicking here.

Post edited at 4:59 am on July 7, 2009 by cutie2

-------
"If you stand in front of a mirror holiding a dozen roses, you'll see
thirteen of the most beautiful things."
"Don't have regrets because at one point, you were doing exactly what you
wanted to."

To help me, please remember:
(From the depressed to the friends/family)

1. Please be patient while I decide if I can trust you.
2. Let me tell you my story. My whole story. In my own way. In my own time.
3. Please accept that whatever I may have done, whatever I may do is the best I have to offer and seemed right at the time.
4. I am not 'a' person. I am *this* person, unique and special.
5. Don't judge me as right or wrong, bad or good. I am what I am and that is all I have got.
6. Don't assume that your knowledge about me is more accurate than mine. You only know what I have told you. That's only part of me.
7. Don't ever think that you know what I should do - you don't. I may be confused, but I am still the expert about me.
8. Don't place me in a position of living up to your expectations. I have enough trouble with mine.
9. Please hear my feelings, not just my words - accept all of them. If you can't, how can I?
10. Don't save me. I can do it myself. I knew enough to ask for your help, didn't I? Help me to better myself.

To help me help you, please remember:
(From the friends/family to the depressed)

1. I am only HUMAN. As much as I want to help you with, listen to, and understand your problems, I am just human, and have my failings just like you.
2. I cannot offer a miracle cure, I cannot fix your problems, I can only support you through them.
3. The things I say will often be the "wrong" response, and I will probably react in the "wrong" way, but please trust me that I am trying my best
4. I love you and I would NEVER intentionally hurt you. if I am insensitive or say the "wrong" thing, its just because I don't know how else to show I care.
5. I cannot always be there for you. In the long run, you must stand on your own.  I can support you, but I cannot hold you up. However hard I try, I am not strong enough to carry you up as well as me.
6. I cannot, and will not bear your guilt. If you are angry at yourself, please don't turn it back at me, because for me that is the worst thing I can imagine.
7. Although you want me to treat you as 'normal', and although I know I should, sometimes my care for you overrides my sense of right and wrong. It might be wrong to wrap you in cotton wool, but I care about you too much to do otherwise.
8. Likewise, if an argument might end in you blaming me for your depression, I may avoid arguments because I cannot cope with that guilt. Yes it's wrong to treat you differently in that way, but it's the only way I can cope with helping you.
9. I do not begrudge you my help and support, I care about you, but please respect that as much as I love you, your problems do take a toll on me, just as they do on you.
10. If I break your confidence its because I love you and am trying to do my best for you. To betray your secret and protect you from yourself will always be more important to me. There is no point me loyally keeping my word if it means you end up dead.
11. I don't presume to know best, or know more than you about how you feel, but I will still have my opinion on what's going on in your life, and I am willing to stick by it.
12. Just remember...we are all only human.

- The above lists are taken from the BUS forums

The "Do"s of talking to we who are depressed:

1. Do offer to listen, even if you don't know what to say.  A lot of the time, venting is more helpful than any advice that anyone could offer.
2. Do show us random acts of kindness: send us a funny card, give us a hug, call us up just to talk, ask us to come do things with you (movies, sports, getting ice cream, "hanging out" etc).  We may not reciprocate, but we'll notice and appreciate it.
3. Do accept our feelings and perceptions as valid, even if they disagree with yours.
4. Do distract us if that's what we need.
5. Do offer to just keep us company if we don't want to talk.  We might prefer to be alone, but we'll appreciate the offer.  And there's a decent chance we'll take you up on it.
6. Do stay realistic if we're being unrealistically pessimistic.  Blind optimism won't help; realism will.
7. Do make yourself available when we need you, and make sure we know you're available.
8. Do accept that we need some time alone, and that it's not personal if we would rather be alone for a while than be around others (including you).
9. Do accept that we will sometimes choose to go to someone else rather than to you.  It's not personal, so please don't take it as such.
10. Do let us know what your limits are.  If you can't listen to suicidalness, or self-injury, or starvation, let us know.  If you can only take crisis calls before 10 PM, tell us.  We don't expect you to be superhuman, and we'd rather find out your limits by being told rather than by trial and error.

The "Don't"s of talking to we who are depressed:

1. Don't say that we shouldn't feel a certain way.  If we feel a certain way, it's for a reason, even if we don't know that reason.  Accept that and try to help us cope with it.
2. Don't interrupt us in the middle of a rant; just listen and let us talk.  
3. Don't tell us to "get over it already," or "that's in the past, focus on the future."  If we could do that, we would.
4. Don't tell us to "turn it over to God."
5. Don't yell at us.  It will only make us feel worse.
6. Don't accuse us of being "attention-seekers," "fakers," "wanna-be's," or of "trying to manipulate you."  Our depression isn't about you, or about the rest of the world.  It's about us.
7. Don't walk on egg shells.  Be honest with us; just don't be insensitive about it.
8. Don't blame yourself for our problems.  You didn't cause them, and it only makes us feel guilty.
9. Don't blame us for our problems.  We blame ourselves enough already, there's no need to add to that.
10. Don't tell us that there are others who are worse off than we are.  We know that.  Just because others may be worse doesn't mean that we're okay.

Overall, the most importiant thing to remember is that everyone is different.  These are basic guidelines, not all of them will hold true for everyone.  Print the list out and show it to those involved (whether you're the depressed one or the helper).  Talk about what will help and what won't.

How to Find a Good Therapist

I'm writing out this post because a lot of people on this forum have complained about bad therapists, or said that they don't want to seek therapy because so many therapists suck, couldn't help, couldn't understand etc.  In fairness, a lot of therapists do suck.  But the good ones are worth finding.  It's worth looking through however many it may take, but there are things you can do to narrow down who you might see beforehand so you waste less time searching.

Why should I get therapy?

If you have any sort of problem that causes you significant distress and you've been unable to resolve on your own and with the help of those you feel comfortable turning to.  This can include depression, anxiety, trauma, mania, irrational fears, relationship difficulties, obsessions or compulsions, hallucinations, frequent memory loss that medical doctors cannot explain, recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, or any other persistent problem.  Also, if you just thought "I don't deserve therapy," or "It would be selfish of me to get therapy because others need it more," or "I don't want to worry my family/friends," (or anything resembling those) I would strongly recommend seeking therapy.  You do deserve it, you won't be preventing anyone else from getting it, and people who love you would rather be worried than let you suffer alone.  It should be noted that periods of depression are common after breakups or the loss of a loved one.  If it persists for longer than a month or six months respectively, I would recommend seeking therapy.  Or, if you feel the need, earlier.

Is there anything I should try before therapy?

It's usually a good idea to visit your doctor before seeking therapy and talk to him/her first.  What should you expect at your doctor's office?

First, you should expect your doctor to want to run some physical tests to make sure there isn't something else wrong that's manifesting itself as depression.  Some doctors don't do this.  If yours doesn't, make sure to ask to be referred to a psychiatrist for diagnosis, or ask your doctor to make sure it isn't something physically wrong.  Psychiatrists are the only mental health professionals who are licensed MDs - physicians - and can determine whether or not there is something wrong with you physically vs. neurologically/psychologically.  Physical problems need to be ruled out first because therapy and anti-depressants will do little to correct a hypothyroid problem or some other non-psychiatric medical condition.

Once a "General Medical Condition" has been ruled out, you should get referred to either a psychiatrist (if you haven't been already) or a psychologist for diagnosis.  They aren't going to know how to help you until they figure out what's wrong.  A good diagnosis should take a while, so that they rule out other conditions etc.  For example, if you think you're bipolar, there are several other possible explanations for symptoms similar to bipolar (schizophrenia [which is NOT multiple personality], ADHD with depression, Unipolar depression, a personality disorder, etc), and depending on what the problem is, your treatment plan will be different.  Diagnosis will probably involve a meeting between you and the psychologist/psychiatrist, a few questionnaires, an examination of your history and your family history relative to psychiatric disorders, etc.  This will probably take between one and three sessions, depending on how clear-cut your symptoms are.  Once the mental health professional has come to a diagnosis, make sure they explain it to you and that you agree with it.  Also, ask them what other, similar conditions are and how they ruled them out.

Once you're diagnosed, and think the diagnosis is reasonable, you can consider treatment options.  If you're interested in medication, you should only accept prescriptions from a psychiatrist, and you should ask questions and know what to expect from the medication prior to beginning it.  A lot of people are intimidated of this because of the "doctor knows best" theory, and while they probably do know best, you still have a right to know everything they can tell you.  And if you know what to expect from a med, things will probably go better with it.  Do some online research to find out more than just what your doctor tells you.

The same basic principle holds true for therapy.  So learn about your options and find a therapist that's right for you.

How to find a good therapist

There are many therapists out there.  Some are really, really good and they're worth seeking out.  Many are pretty bad though, so it'll probably take some looking to find a good one...
There are lots of things you can do to minimize the time it takes to look for a good therapist:

1.  Decide if you'd prefer a male or female therapist.
2.  Check with your insurance company for a list of therapists that they'll cover.  Talk over your financial situation with your parents to see how much they could afford to pay per session beyond the insurance (or, if you're on your own, figure out how much extra you can pay).
3.  Check with any of your friends/family members who see or have seen therapists for recommendations on who to see or who to avoid.  (Note: Everyone has different preferences for therapists; if you've already talked to one and s/he seemed good, but a friend says they sucked, don't necessarily cross them off.)
4.  Decide what type of therapy would be best for you - there are a lot of options.  Would Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy work best, Rational-Emotive Therapy , Dialectical Behavioral Therapy , Gestalt Therapy , Psychoanalysis , or humanistic therapy work best for you?  These are not the only options by any means, just some of the more common "organized/formalized" therapies that have been shown to work.  Make sure the therapist is licensed to give the type of therapy that they use. (Note: In practice, therapists usually end up mixing these therapies together to whatever best suits you, but they will focus most on the area that they specialize in.)

From the list your insurance company gave you, you should then make a phone call to any therapists that look good (i.e. anyone who specializes in what you're seeking help for).  Start with somewhere around five.  You'll probably get a message machine, so just leave your name and number and tell them you're interested in possibly starting therapy with them.  When they call back, you should:

1.  Make sure your therapist has experience with whatever problems you've identified (depression, anxiety, self-injury, eating disorders, etc).  You should ask about their success rate with clients who've had similar problems to you, and how many they've seen.
2.  Discuss their treatment methods with them.  What type of therapy do they do?  If you have any ideas on what would help you most, talk to them about that and see how flexible they are.  For example, if they're going to treat self-injury as a suicide attempt, though you made it clear that it wasn't, it's usually a good idea to move on.  
3.  Ask how long they've been practicing for, what degrees they have, where they got them from, their licensure information, etc.  Their degrees and licensure information generally don't play a huge role in how good a therapist they are, but if they're not willing to answer or get insulted by any questions you have about their education and licensure, it's usually an indication to move on.  (Information on what degrees mean what can be found in a later section of this post.)
4.  Ask them about their fees, and compare that with what your insurance will cover.  If money will be a problem, talk to them about potentially reducing the charge (many therapists will do this).
5.  Do not set up an appointment right away.  Tell them you're shopping around trying to find a good therapist and that you're going to check with a few others before making a decision.  If you think you may want to see them, tell them that, but don't set up an appointment until you've evaluated things a bit.

At the end of the call, think about whether or not they made you feel comfortable (as much so as is possible), or if you felt anything else during the call.  If they might be okay, keep them on the list, if they seemed particularly good, star them, and if they sucked, cross them off.  If you get any stars within the first few therapists, set up an appointment with whichever you'd prefer.  If not, call some more.  If you've called quite a few, and still have no stars, consider setting up an appointment with one whom you hadn't crossed off, though it would be better to keep looking.

In your first appointment, there're several things to look for, both minor and major:

1.  Who do they introduce themselves as?  It's usually best if they use their first name (i.e. Mark instead of Doctor Smith).  If they don't use their first name, that doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to be bad, but can be a good first indicator.
2.  Do they take notes?  A few notes are fine (unless it bothers you, in which case you should tell them and they should stop), but if you have to pause for them to copy stuff down and they won't stop taking notes, it might be a good idea to find another therapist.
3.  It's not too uncommon for therapists to have you fill out a short questionnaire about the reason you decided to seek therapy and a bit about your past.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, but a lack of it isn't necessarily bad either.
4.  Very importantly: Does the therapist make you feel comfortable?  It's usually a good idea to give them until the end of the session for this, and if you're still not really sure then, try a second time.  If you don't feel like they're reasonably easy to talk to you should terminate therapy with them.  There's no need to waste time and money.
5.  Very importantly: Do you feel like the therapist is actively listening to you and focusing on your problems, or do they just ramble about what you need to do to get better?  If the therapist doesn't listen well, you aren't going to get anything out of the therapy.  Again, this can be hard to tell first session, especially if you're like me - slow to warm up to new people and therefore not talking a lot.  Even if you don't talk a lot though, try to notice if they ask questions frequently or rarely.  The more questions the better, usually.  Again, if they refuse to listen well, you should terminate therapy.  (Note: If you are barely talking, which is common if when you first start therapy, they may talk a fair amount to fill in the gap.  This is different from rambling on and preventing you from talking, and shouldn't necessarily be used to rule them out.)

The most important thing about a therapist is that you like them.  If you don't like your therapist, you won't gain anything from seeing them.  It's normal to get mad at and have disagreements with your therapist from time to time, but most of the time you should get along well.

If you find after several appointments that a therapist isn't helping at all, you should consider finding a new therapist.  It should be noted that several appointments usually isn't enough for you to be "all better," but you should feel like it's helping a little.

What are the risks that I'll get put in a mental hospital?

Because of the way insurance works nowadays, hospitalization is pretty rare, and is generally reserved for when there really is no other option.  Insurance companies will usually only cover two to three weeks of hospitalization at a time, so it's very rare to stay in an inpatient facility for longer than a few weeks.

How does medication fit into therapy?

If you are over 13, no one can legally force you to take medication that you don't want to take.  However, medication can be very helpful in treating many conditions.  Recovery rates for most disorders are highest when therapy is combined with medication.

I would suggest learning all you can about a medication before taking it.  What does it do?  What are its side effects?  How much will it cost?  How long will it take to start working?  What other medications are available and why is the recommended medication the best one to start with?

In most cases, it's best to wait a few months after starting therapy before starting on medication.  Mis-medication can be very damaging, so it's best to let your therapist get to know you a bit so that they can determine with some accuracy which medication would be best for you.

What do the different degrees and titles mean?

There are so many different titles and degrees that therapists use: psychiatrist, psychologist, councilor, social worker, etc.  The following section will explain each degree, how much and what sort of training is involved in attaining it, and what abilities the holder has.

Psychiatrist - Psychiatrists have an M.D. and are medical doctors with a specialization in psychiatry.  As a result of this, psychiatrists are the only mental health professionals with the ability to prescribe medications.  They can also give psychiatric evaluations.  Their training includes four years of normal med school (with one or two psychiatry electives included), one year of internship as a normal doctor, and three years of internship during which they focus on psychiatry (this may vary, but it's the "norm").  Most psychiatrists training is geared towards psychopharmacology (prescribing medication), with varying amounts of training in therapy.
As such, most Psychiatrists function as prescribing doctors rather than therapists.  For psychiatric medications, they are worth seeing, as regular physicians do not have the training to properly monitor psychiatric meds (yes, even basic antidepressants).  Some psychiatrists do give therapy, but I would suggest being careful when considering them for therapists.  In my experience, a much lower percentage of psychiatrists are skilled at therapy compared to other mental health professionals.  Psychiatrists receive licensure through the American Psychiatric Association (http://www.psych.org).

Psychologist - Psychologists hold a doctorate in psychology.  The most common degree is a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, but both a Psy.D. or an Ed.D. can also be licensed psychologists.  Psychologists can give psychiatric evaluations, but cannot prescribe medication (Except in New Mexico; and there is a movement to allow psychologists to prescribe meds everywhere in the US after receiving additional training in psychopharmacology; I do not know about other countries).  Their training includes four years of graduate school, and at several years of post doc work (equivalent of internships for medical school).  Psy.D.'s receive the greatest amount of training toward clinical psychology (more built in experience in their curriculum), with Ph.D.'s in second and Ed.D.'s in third.
In my experience, Psy.D.'s tend to be the best at therapy.  There are certainly bad therapists with Psy.D.'s, but they seem to have the largest percentage of skilled therapists out of all the degrees (not just psychologists).  Ph.D.'s vary quite a bit.  I have not heard anything about therapists with Ed.D's.  Psychologists receive licensure from the American Psychology Association (www.apa.org).

Counselor - Licensed counselors have some sort of masters degree, usually an M.A., sometimes an M.S.  The requirements for licensure vary heavily from state to state.  In Ohio, the term is LPC (Licensed Personal Counselor).  Usually, counselors have one to two years of graduate school training in counseling, and many have strong areas of specialization (i.e. eating disorders, substance abuse, relationships, etc).  They cannot prescribe or administer psychological testing.  I am unsure if they have a post degree training period similar to an internship or post doc.
Counselors, in my experience, vary tremendously in their skill at giving therapy.  Some are really, really bad, and some are wonderful.  Most are in between.

Social Workers - Licensed clinical social workers hold a masters degree in social work (M.S.W.).  Many school guidance counselors have M.S.W.'s, but most are not licensed.  They usually have one to two years of graduate school training in social work.  They cannot prescribe medication or administer psychological testing.  I am unsure if they have a post degree training period similar to an internship or post doc.  The MSW is the most "accepted" masters level degree for mental health professionals to hold.  They receive licensure (LCSW) from each state individually, like counselors.
Social workers tend to vary similarly to counselors, though I haven't heard nearly as much about them.

Insurance companies usually cover psychiatrists most, psychologists second most, and counselors/social workers third.  However, the cost of therapy usually increases along with the insurance coverage.

If anyone has any suggestions for things to add to this, either post them, or PM me and I'll consider editing the post to include them.

- Tempral

If you would like to check this topic for its replies, you can visit it by clicking here.

Post edited at 5:10 am on July 7, 2009 by cutie2

-------
"If you stand in front of a mirror holiding a dozen roses, you'll see
thirteen of the most beautiful things."
"Don't have regrets because at one point, you were doing exactly what you
wanted to."

Many people on this forum self-injure (cutting being the most common form).  Many more people misunderstand what self-injury is, and why people do it.  This post is to point those who self-injure toward places to get help and information, and to help both self-injurers and those who know self-injurers to better understand why, and how they can help.

What is Self-Injury?

Self-injury is an expression of acute psychological distress. It is an act done to oneself, by oneself, with the intention of helping oneself rather than killing oneself.  In other words, damage is done to the body in an attempt to preserve the integrity of the mind.  

Self-injury is not attention seeking.  It is not a failed suicide attempt, or “parasuicidal behavior.”  It does not infer a weakness of character.  It is not something that most people can “just stop.”

Self-injury is a coping mechanism.  When things become too much, impossible to handle, people need a way to release their overwhelming feelings of anxiety, depression, fear, unreality, or pain.  Despite all of the negative side effects, for some people, self-injury does temporarily relieve their problems.  Yes, it’s a maladaptive coping mechanism, but it’s no different from using alcohol or drugs, over or under eating, becoming a work- or sex-oholic, or having any other “socially acceptable” problem.  

Forms of self-injury include cutting, burning, hitting, bone breaking, pulling out hair, interfering with wound healing, and picking at one’s own skin excessively.  For an action to be considered self-injury, it must leave a mark that lasts for an hour or longer, and must be done with the intent of hurting one’s self.  Overdosing (without suicidal intent) can also be a form of self-injury for some people.

Why do people self-injure?

There are many reasons that people self-injure.  Some of the more common ones include:
- relieving stress or anxiety
- combating depression and emptiness
- punishing oneself for a perceived wrong
- warding off feelings of unreality or disconnection from one’s self (dissociation)
- biochemical relief
- physical pain as a distraction from psychological pain
- preventing suicide

These are only a few of the more common reasons, there are many more.  Every self-injurer has their own reasons for hurting them self. Like any other coping problem, people usually self-injure because they never learned other, more effective ways of dealing with problems.  

Who self-injures?

About 50-60% of self-injurers were abused either physically or sexually as children.  Nearly all self-injurers have suffered through chronic invalidation and have low self-esteem.  Current estimates project that approximately 1% of the population self-injures (about three million people in the US).  

Contrary to popular misconception, self-injury is not only seen in adolescent girls.  Self-injurers can be any age, any IQ, any sex, and any social class.  There are doctors, lawyers, church school teachers and grandparents who self-injure.  Self-injurers frequently suffer from serious disorders such as Bipolar, Depression, Schizophrenia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, personality disorders, eating disorders, substance abuse disorders, dissociative disorders, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and anxiety disorders, amongst others.

Why can’t I just stop?

Self-injury is highly addictive.  There are several theories as to why this is, ranging from endorphin release (the body’s natural pain killers; Morphine works by imitating endorphins) to malfunctions in the nervous system.  Though the reason is still unclear, major studies have backed fully the theory that self-injury is addictive.  How addictive?  About as addictive as crack cocaine or heroin, and like any other addiction, people build tolerance to it.  Over time, the self-injury becomes more severe to get the same results.  Eventually, this can lead to accidental suicide.

How can I stop?

Since self-injury is a coping mechanism, new coping mechanisms will probably be needed before stopping will be possible.

There are a lot of resources out there that can aid you in getting new coping mechanisms.  
- http://www.selfharm.net (Secret Shame) is the first place to look.  Most of the information in this article was paraphrased from Secret Shame.  It’s very comprehensive, and has both a message board and a mailing list for self-injurers and their friends/family.
- Tracy Alderman’s The Scarred Soul is a book that has much more information, and activities that can help you to develop new coping mechanisms.
- Marilee Strong’s A Bright Red Scream has an enormous amount of information on self-injury.  It’s generally considered the most comprehensive book on self-injury that’s currently out.  This book is particularly helpful in teaching non-self-injurers about self-injury.

WARNING: Reading this material can be triggering.  You should make yourself safe before reading any of it, and stop reading if you begin to feel triggered.  You can always resume reading later.

Telling a close friend or family member can frequently be helpful.  Having someone to talk to who will really listen can do wonders.  Before telling them, you should have information on hand to help them learn about self-injury; remember, it will probably be a shock for them.  Make it clear that the cutting is the symptom rather than the problem, and that getting rid of it without dealing with the problem would be either impossible, or would lead to other forms of maladaptive coping (eating disorders, substance abuse, etc).

If they already know but haven’t been helpful at all, consider trying to educate them.  There’s a good chance that they’re scared and don’t know what to do.  The more they know about self-injury, the less scared they’ll be, and the more likely they’ll be able to help you.

In most cases, therapy is very helpful toward stopping.  I strongly recommend that you look into getting therapy.  http://www.golivewire.com/forums/topic.cgi?topic=35004 provides useful tips in selecting a therapist.  Lists of local therapists are usually available from your insurance company (if you have one) and your doctor.  You should try to make sure that your therapist is knowledgeable about self-injury before setting up an appointment.  Also, if one therapist isn’t working for you after a session or two, try another.  Different therapy styles work better for different people.  Therapy in itself isn’t a “cure,” but it can be very helpful, IF you get a good therapist.  If you get a poor therapist, don’t hesitate to discontinue treatment and find a new, better therapist.

Medications can sometimes be helpful (no one can force you to take medication if you don’t want to, not even your parents).  Talk to your doctor or therapist if you’re interested in the possibility of going on medication.

It’s very important to keep in mind that self-injury itself is not the problem, but only a way to cope with the problem(s).  Try to make sure those who want to help you know that too.

Even if you’re not ready to stop yet (not everyone is), I’d still recommend taking a look at the Secret Shame site.

How can I help my friend/family member/significant other who self-injures?

There are many things that you can do.  The most important thing is to ask them what you can do.  They’re the ones that know best.  Listen if they need to talk, and only offer advice when asked.  Avoid judging them (“attention whore,” “faker,” etc), and remember that they are not going to tell you everything right away.  Do not assume that you know everything about them, and do not blame either them or yourself for their pain.  Remember that they are a person beyond their self-injury.  Keep an open line of communication with them.  

Do not demand that they stop self-injuring.  Self-injury isn’t something that one can “just stop.”  Yes, it can be scary to see a loved one in that much pain, and the natural reaction is to want to protect them from getting hurt.  However, if you want them to be able to stop hurting, new coping mechanisms will be needed.  You can offer them a way to cope by listening when they want to talk, and by encouraging them (NOT forcing them) to try new coping methods.

Make sure to clarify whatever boundaries you have.  Let your loved one know exactly what they can expect from you as far as support goes.  If you can’t take a crisis call after 10 PM, say so.  If you can’t handle talking about self-injury, but are still willing to talk about the issues, let them know that too.  

For ideas on what to say/do, check out http://www.golivewire.com/forums/topic.cgi?forum=1&;topic=32176.  Remember though, everyone is different.  Talk to them about what’s on the list before just assuming its all true.  It will probably need to be modified a bit to fit both them and you.

Encourage (do NOT force) them to get a therapist.  The one exception to this rule is when there is an immediate risk of suicide or a suicide attempt; that means that they need help now.  If/when they do decide that they want therapy, be supportive and offer to help them look.  If they don’t like a therapist, encourage them to find another rather than just giving up.  Therapists are people too; they’re all different.  Some are really, really bad, but some are awesome.  The awesome ones are worth finding.

Become educated on self-injury.  Visit the Secret Shame site ( http://www.selfharm.net ) and read A Bright Red Scream (reading additional books would defiantly not hurt!).  Share the information with the self-injurer in your life and anyone else who’s trying to help them.  If they suffer from co-occurring disorders, become educated on those too.

Remember is to take care of you.  This is very important.  You need sleep.  You need food.  You need time for yourself.  That may all seem obvious, but a lot of people try to take on more than they can handle.  You cannot be there 24/7.  You will not be any use to your loved one if you don’t take care of yourself first.  It would also be a good idea to look into getting support for you.  As willing as you may be to help them, their problems will take their toll on you in time.  You’ll help them best when you’re at your best.

Most importantly: Do not try to “save” them.  They are the only ones who can save themselves.  Instead, help them by listening, distracting, or doing whatever else you can within reason.  Keep up an open line of communication with them.

Links to information on commonly co-occurring problems
Eating disorders:
Introduction article - http://www.hampsteadhospital.com/Media/Guide.pdf
More detailed information – http://www.something-fishy.org
Depression:
http://www.depressionalliance.org/
Suicide:
Suicide hotline – 1-800-SUICIDE
Feeling suicidal?  Read this first - http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
Suicide information - http://www.save.org/
Borderline Personality Disorder:
http://www.bpdcentral.com
Schizophrenia:
http://www.schizophrenia.com/index.html [haven’t extensively checked it out]
Bipolar:
http://www.dbsalliance.org/ [haven’t extensively checked it out]
Sexual abuse/assault (PTSD):
http://www.rainn.org/
Grief:
http://www.counselingforloss.com/
Basic information on many disorders:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/

Anyone who would like to suggest a link, PM me and I’ll check it out and add it if it looks good.

[The specific definition of self-injury which is the first paragraph comes from Jan Sutton ( http://www.siari.co.uk ) and Deb Martinson ( http://www.selfharm.net ).  
The rest of the information comes mostly from Deb Martinson’s site ( http://www.selfharm.net ).]

[Edited 12/14/03.  Added onto both "How can I stop?" and "How can I help my [loved one] who self-injures?"  Also added "Links" section and edited several minor details.]

Why people, especially teens don't want to get help, and how to encourage them to get help. - trackster32

1. Peers
"No one else sees a psychiatist?"
"What if people find out"
Teens think they are alone in a lot of their problems. In reality a lot of teens each year are seeing a counselor or somebody. They dont want to embarrass themselves if someone finds out.

How to encourage them: Explain that many people at your school are on meds or see a counselor.IF you can, name examples but tell her to keep quiet. She isnot going to be alone. Besides, if her true friends find out they will be happy that she is getting help. You could also have a counselor try to tell them this.

2. "I'm not crazy"
"Only crazy people get help"
This is part denial and part shame. So often, psychiatric help is made out for the crazy. Only  murderers ect are crazy, right?

How to help: Explain that murders have a different kind ofmental problems. She's perfectly sane but jsut needs some help dealing witha  few things. There is nothing wrong with asking for help

3. "I'm fine,"" I can handle it."
This is denial. They probably know inside they need help they just dont want to admit it. It could also stem from embarrasment of admiting a problem and the other reasons discussed above.

How to help " I 've seen you had a lot of trouble recently. I'm concerned you have more than you can handle. Maybe you should talk to a professional"

4. About Parents
They know they need help but they are afraid their parents wont take them seriously, wont believe them, or get angry. In a few cases yes. In those cases, an adult should get involved.

Most parents woul dbe glad that their teens came to them and would help them.

How to help: offer talk to her parents with her, " they just want the best for you. They prolly dont know how to approach this themselves.

-Tempral

If you would like to check this topic for it's replies, you can visit it by clicking here.

(Edited by bri872002 at 12:04 am on July 7, 2004)

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"If you stand in front of a mirror holiding a dozen roses, you'll see
thirteen of the most beautiful things."
"Don't have regrets because at one point, you were doing exactly what you
wanted to."

I've been seeing several of the topics here about the same issues. Although every individual has different experiances with these topics and needs individual support, I wanted to offer my general advice on a few things.

Anorexia & Bulemia: Eating disorders are so commonly misconceived by society and by even those who have them. They are as much of an obsession for the person as much as drugs could be. Eating disorders are not only physically detrimental, they are also psychological disorders. If you're anorexic or bulemic you need to take the anitative to do something to stop - it will be the hardest and most important thing you could ever do for yourself. Tell someone you trust; not out of just confidence they will keep it a secret, but out of the want for them to help you. You have to be willing to face some new situations in order to be helped though. Talk with a therapist or professional in the field of psychology, it sounds cheesy, but it will help you, if you really want to get better. Eating disorders will never just go away on their own, they will kill you first.

Cutting/Self Mutilation: Cutting is such a scary subject for most people, which I believe is why it is still not taken seriously by society or by a person's peers. If you cut yourself you do have a very serious problem and need to talk with someone about it. You need to realize that by trying to release emotional pains and anxieties via physcial harm to yourself only causes you more problems. I know that in the moment you can feel and see the blood flowing from your own flesh the feeling of relief can seem so filling, but it will eventually go away; making later make you feel hopeless, guilty, and empty again later. There are better ways to live and better ways to express negative emotions than destroying your own body.

Depression: Depression is a rather vague issue - but an important one none the less. Depression is often the 'gateway drug' to more harmful problems. It is important you take time to find out what is causing you this intense pain and sadness, and then remedy it. It might seem like you cannot escape it - things like parential/family issues for example. If that is the situation you have to change your perception. You life might be hell, but you're alive and that is really, REALLY, something you need to consider - Life. Don't look at now or tomorrow or even a year - look at 5 years or 25 years. Your life could be completely different; within that there can be found hope, should you choose to seek it. Talk with someone close to you about all your thoughts, being heard can help so much.

Over Weight: If you're over weight there are literally hundreds of things out there you can do to get better. Being over weight is less than 5% of the time genetic. When it is genetic you look very different from the 'typical' fat person as well - telling yourself it is genetics is fooling yourself. Fighting your weight and winning cannot be done in a short period of time. Being over weight is as much as self-esteem and psychological hazard as it is a physical one. You need to have confidence and find determination to combat it. Talk with your physician about specific foods that could help boost your metabolism, excersize more, and most importantly cut down your meal proportions. Proportions are the number one difference between why one person is over weight and another is not. Don't nessicarily eat fewer meals, but eat smaller ones at earlier times. The earlier you eat the more chance you have to burn off the calories over the course of the day. Drink water too, it helps you clean your system and will give you more energy - forming healthy sleeping patterns will also be of help. Know that muscle weighs more than fat, so don't depend on a scale and always keep trying.

Suicide: You need to talk to someone - that's just all there is to it. Talk to a friend or even a stranger and just download your problems onto them. Don't be concerned with pride or judgement, let them know how serious you are about the idea of taking your own life and they will listen with nothing but an open heart if they are deserving of your time. As I said for those with depression, it can apply here as well, "You life might be hell, but you're alive and that is really, REALLY something you need to consider - Life. Don't look at now or tomorrow or even a year - look at 5 years or 25 years. Your life could be completely different, within that there can be found hope, should you choose to seek it. Talk with someone close to you about all your thoughts, being heard can help so much."

My own experiances with all of these I'd like to not be judged by, so I will not explain them here. My words have been out of experiance and knowledgeablity. I am very concerned for each person I see here, or anywhere, that suffers from one of these problems and I hope my words have shown you that there are those in the world who care about you - even people you may never meet or have never spoken with.

If you would like to check this topic for its replies, you can visit it by clicking here.

(Edited by cutie2 at 1:03 pm on Oct. 4, 2005)

-------
"If you stand in front of a mirror holiding a dozen roses, you'll see
thirteen of the most beautiful things."
"Don't have regrets because at one point, you were doing exactly what you
wanted to."

IF someone offered you a gift that would have the power to impact the expression of your potential or to determine the direction or satisfaction in your life, would you accept it?? Sounds like a no-brainer, doesn't it. The fact is that many overlook this gift that is available to each of us: self esteem.

Self-esteem as the word implies, is commonly described as a person feels about himself, (i.e. is related to his acceptance of himself as a person with inherent worth.) It involves a particular way of experiencing oneself.

Self-esteem involves seeing oneself as "competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness."

Self-esteem involves confidence in our abilities to think, to learn, to make appropriate choices or decisions, and to respond effectively to change. You see how we feel about ourselves crucially affects virtually every aspect of our experience." In short our lives are shaped by who and what we think we are. Healthy self-esteem, or the feeling of having value, is the foundation for self-descipline, personal growth, or self-actualization.

Feeling that we are of worth, motivates us to care for ourselves in all the ways that are necessary, and frees us from self-imposed limitations. It affects how we make use of our abilities and aptitudes and how we fare as human beings. Self-esteem profoundly impacts on one's emotions, desires, thoughts, and goals.

It has been said that good self-esteem is necessary for good mental health. This is evident in what we see in those with low self-esteem. Those individuals may view themselves as deficient, may personalize other's actions, may fear failure, may not stand up for their needs, often have problems in relationships, and may be overwhelmed by pressure. They may fall victim to chronic self-criticism, which often leads to depression. Those with low self-esteem are often recognized by the things they do in attempts to raise their self-esteem: they may blame and complain, seek attention or approval, fault-find, strive to always be right, overindulge, put up a false front, become depressed, get stuck in self-pity, become greedy or selfish, procrastinate, be indecisive, be overly sensitive to criticism, be critical of others, etc..in other words they fall into self-destructive patterns in an effort to try and increase their feeling of worth.

The fact is that all of us want and need to have good self-esteem; but, many go looking in the wrong directions, looking for the secret of success, the means to be happy, the way to "become someone." We look externally to things or others to make us feel good about ourselves. But we know that those good feelings do not last. Self-esteem cannot be obtained through achievements per se or approval from others. No one can give it to you. It has to be cultivated.

Raising self-esteem is a matter of learning to accept oneself as a unique and worthy individual.

Several strategies may be of help in raising self-esteem.

1) Recognize that your worth is not your feelings, thoughts, behaviors/actions. All human beings have worth
2) When self-criticism thoughts arise, determine how they are distorted, in order to develop a more realistic self-evaluation. Learn how to answer negative evaluations with more rational responces.
3) When problems are real, don't see them as a judgment upon who you are or how good you are; instead problem-solve to deal with them. Define what the real problem is, see it as a problem seperate from your value as a person, break it into manageable parts, find appropriate solutions, take action. Trust yourself and remember to allow yourself the right to be human and to make mistakes. Remember that achievement is not the cause of self-esteem, but rather, one effect of it.

To have self-esteem one must live consciously, which means to be present to what we are doing, being open to information/knowledge, and seeking to understand. Self-acceptance involves taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions without denial or self-repudiation. Self-resonsibility relates to that fact that we are in charge of our choices and actions. Self-assertiveness involves being authentic with others by treating our values, ourselves, and others with respect, being willing to stand up for ourselves in appropriate ways. The practice of living purposefully means identifying our goals and the actions needed to attain them, organizing our behaviors around those goals, and monitoring how we are doing toward those outcomes. Also essential to self-estem is personal integrity, i.e. living with congruence between what we profess and what we do, including being honest, honoring commitments, and modeling our values.

Developing good self-esteem takes some time, but it is worth the investment, because Henry David Thoreau said, "What a man thinks of himself that it is which determines his fate." Or as Norman Vincent Peale noted, "It is of practical value to learn to like yourself. Since you must spend so much time with yourself, you might as wel get some satisfaction out of the relationship."

"Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgement we pass on ourselves."
- Branden

If you would like to check this topic for it's replies, you can visit it by clicking here.

(Edited by bri872002 at 12:05 am on July 7, 2004)

Post edited at 5:32 am on July 7, 2009 by cutie2

-------
"If you stand in front of a mirror holiding a dozen roses, you'll see
thirteen of the most beautiful things."
"Don't have regrets because at one point, you were doing exactly what you
wanted to."

A friend showed me this, and I thought I'd share it...it's from Ruin Your Life.

WARNING
....before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily ...they will get deeper. They will scar. They will take sometimes months to heal!!! And years for the scars to fade! IF you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again...it will spread when you run out of skin. Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live ....you will find yourself lying to the people you love.  You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be. Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and covering up cutting And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep." And you freak out because the blood won't stop...and you are gaping....and you feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone. So you sit there alone...praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far again...But you will and further. Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER. And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20 , 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy. You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order. Butterfly strips...3 or four different kinds of dressings...betadine....antibiotic cream..medical tape..scar reducers.....You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things. And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice...someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies...someone who understands but of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands , boots... gloves..the list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a differnent way...Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI... just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone. You wont even think about it ..as your eyes scan their wrists arms...hoping just hoping they will be like you....But they are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone. You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood..Scrubbing your bathroom floor...wiping the blood of your keyboard....
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting....Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergancies. When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen. Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.  
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch. Beacuase you will itch and itch ...so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease.
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.. You will dream about cutting...you will dream about being exposed.  It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely HATE cutting...at the same time you love it and can not live with out of it.

If you would like to check this topic for it's replies, you can visit it by clicking here.

(Edited by bri872002 at 12:06 am on July 7, 2004)

-------
"If you stand in front of a mirror holiding a dozen roses, you'll see
thirteen of the most beautiful things."
"Don't have regrets because at one point, you were doing exactly what you
wanted to."

In no particular order, here is a list of things you can do instead of self-injuring.  

1) Exercise                                                  
2) Putting on fake tattoos                                                                
3) Drawing on yourself in red marker  (make sure it's washable!)                                              
4) Scribbling on sheets an sheets of paper                        
5) Writing (poetry, stories, journal, etc.)                            
6) Cuddling with a stuffed toy                                            
7) Being with other people                                                  
8) Watching a favorite TV show (preferably a comedy)                                                                            
9) Posting on web boards, and answering others' posts                                                                                                  
10) Thinking about how I DON'T want scars for the summer                                            
11) Painting your nails                                                          
12) Going to see a movie                                                      
13) Eating something ridiculously sweet (or any favorite food)                                                      
14) Doing school work  
                                                                 
15) Surf the net                                                                      
16) Go into chat rooms to talk                                                      
17) Call a friend and ask for company                                          
18) Playing a musical instrument                                        
19) Singing                                                                              
20) Looking up at the sky (night is especially beautiful)  .
21) Making your own list of things to do instead of SI    
22) Punching a punching bad (with gloves on)                              
23) Shoot rubberbands across the room.                                    
24) Cover yourself with band-aids where you want to cut                                                                          
25) Mix warm water and red food colouring, and put in on your skin (feels and looks like blood)  
26) Letting yourself cry (can be very difficult for some)    
27) Sleep (only if you are tired)                                                      
28) A hot shower, or relaxing bath (no razors in the tub, though)                                                    
29) Play with a pet                                                                
30) Detangling yarn or necklaces                              
31) Re-organizing your room                                        
32) Cleaning (hmmm...I very rarely use this one!)              
33) Having a pillowfight with the wall (yes, neighbours may think you are crazy, but that's ok)  
34) Knitting or sewing                                                                      
35) Reading a good book                                                                  
36) Dressing up very glamorous (make sure no one can walk in on you, though)
37) Colouring my hair
38) Listening to music (try yo use calm music)
39) Watching a candle burn (no playing with the flames!)
40) Finding someone else you can help out
41) Meditate
42) Watching a scary (but not bloody, but if bloody movies help, than watch a bloody one) movie.
43) Work on a website
44) Have a vivid fantasy love affair with a celebrity
45) Go somewhere very public
46) Bake
47) Alphabetize your CD's
48) Chewing leather (especially if you SI by biting)
49) Buy a home Henna tatoo kit (peels off the next day-similar to skin picking)
50) Painting or drawing
51) Ripping paper into itty-bitty pieces
52) Hugs-(this one is very nice...)
53) Writting letters or email
54) Talk to yourself (or if that feels weird, buy a small tape recorder-I then feel like someone is listening)
55) Stroke nice fabrics
56) Hug a pillow
57) Hyperfocus on something like a rock, hand, etc.
58) fingerpaint
59) Scream real loud (I LOOOVE this one-just make sure no one is home)
60) Dance
61) Make hot chocolate (mmmmm....)
62) pop bubble wrap
63) play with modelling clay or Play-Dough
64) count to one hundred
65) Build a pillow fort
66) pop balloons
67) Hug yourself
68) Sex
69) Reading things in a different language
70) Going for a nice, long drive
71) Complete something you've been putting off
72) Drinking absurd amounts of tea
73) Breaking plastic plates
74) Tearing up socks
75) Throwing socks against the wall
76) Archery
77) Rock climbing
78) Take up a  new hobby          
79) Organise bills and such          
80) Cook a meal
81) Go out for ice cream
82) Buy a stuffed animal (I collect Beanie Babies)          
83) Look at pretty things-like flowers or artwork          
84) Create Something
85) Pray                      
86) Randomly wave at people
87) Make a list of blessings in your life
88) Read the Bible
89) Go to a friend's house
90) Take up fencing
91) Watch an old, happy movie
92) Call a Help hotline or your Therapist
93) Talk to someone close to you that knows          
94) Throw a temper-tantrum
95) Hit things-other than yourself          
96) Ride a bicycle
97) Polish silver or jewellery          
98) Gardening or watering house plants          
99) Memorizing German poetry (silly, but works!)
100) CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!
101) Feed the ducks or birds or squirrels, etc.
102) Draw on the walls          
103) Play with facepaint            
104) Do very Glamerous make-up          
105) Colour with crayons
106) Memorise a novel or play or song          
107) Put on boots and STAMP          
108) Stretch
109) Find butterflies
110) Watch fish          
111) Come up with baby names (even if you're not pregnant)
112) Make mashed potatoes
113) Make a tape of your favorite songs
114) Name all of your stuffed animals
115) Go SHOPPING!!!!          
116) Get into my PJ's and just veg.          
117) Buy cheap teddy bears and take out anger onthem instead of self.          
118) Throw everything (except glass) into the centrer                    
119) Go to a loud concert
120) Play the 15 minute game (say you can't cut for 15 minutes, and when the time is up, start again)
121) Plan your wedding / prom
122) Hunt for stuff on Ebay (you can find ANYTHING there)
123) Alphabetize your books
124) Hunt for your perfect home in the paper
125) Take up Tai Chi
126) Try to make as many words out of your full name as possible, then do your friends names)
127) count ceiling tiles/lights
128) go clubbing
129) search ridiculous things on the web
130) colour-co-ordinate your wardrobe
131) do a home tan on yourself
132) sort all your photographs
133) colour (or scribble) over the pretty women in magazines
134) plan a dinner party
135) play with a slinky
136) but yourself some toys and play
137) start collecting comething
138) get a tattoo / peircing
139) play video/computer games
140) do a trash clean at your local park
141) Play on a swingset
142) go out and perforn a random act of kindness for someone
143) call up an old friend
144) write yourself an "I love you because" letter
145) put on fake nails
145) try to build something
146) re-arrange your house
147) go to a public place and people watch
148) go through all your old stuff
149) go bargain - hunting
150) smile at at least five people (you usually end up smiling genuinely yourself.)
151) go to the zoo and rename all the animals.
152) Go for a peaceful walk
153) Love yourself

Resource: http://www.secret_scars.homestead.com/instead.html

If you would like to check this topic for it's replies, you can visit it by clicking here.  

(Edited by penguincube at 3:40 pm on July 7, 2004)

-------
firman consensus facit

I just wanted to share this with you guys, it's something I found on another website and I think that a lot of you need to read it.  
 
1. If you’re reading this, there is at least a small part in you that doesn’t want to die. Listen to it, and please read on.    

2. Suicide is final – once it's done, there’s no changing your mind. Since you have even the slightest of doubts, you owe it to yourself to stay alive.    

3. You can always kill yourself later, why not wait? Even if you wait just one day, you may find a reason not to kill yourself in the meantime.    

4. If you’re feeling suicidal, you’re probably in more pain than you know how to handle. There are ways to reduce the pain, and ways to learn to deal with pain. You can learn both - either way things will get better.    

5. Just because you’re feeling suicidal doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling.    

6. Consider this – if you’re trying to escape from the pain you are in and seek relief, suicide is not the answer. You cannot feel relief, or anything else for that matter, if you are dead. You must stay alive in order to feel the relief you seek.    

7. Often when feeling suicidal you feel alone. You are not alone – you found us didn’t you? Turn to your family or friends or a priest or a rabbi – anyone that will listen. If you don’t know whom to turn to, use the links on the right-hand side of this page to find resources that can help.    

8. By terminating your life right now, you terminate your future. Consider this – we create our own future. You have the power to create whatever future you wish for yourself. But you need to be alive in order to have that future.    

9. If you’re sensitive enough to be in so much pain that you no longer want to live, you’re probably sensitive enough to care about, and want to help others. Maybe you don’t feel like helping anyone else right now, but why not help yourself? And perhaps by not killing yourself and overcoming your difficulties you can later help someone else who is in a similar situation.    

10. Point 10; just think what you are doing to your loved ones, there are people who depend on you and killing yourself would be cowardice. Think of what they will go through when they wonder wether it is their fault. So just stand life even if it is just to make another life better.  (thank you to contempt for this addition)  

~ http://www.the-bright-side.org/site/thebrightside/section/325  

- c j

If you would like to check the original topic to see its replies or add one yourself, click here.

(Edited by cutie2 at 1:16 pm on Oct. 4, 2005)

Ok, so if you want to cut or hurt yourself, think through this:

1. What do I want?  

2. What do I have to do to get it?  

3. How will I feel when I get it?  

4. So, what I REALLY want is…  

5. Other ways i can get this....  

For example:

1. What do I want? to cut  

2. What do I have to do to get it? pick up something sharp and cut  

3. How will I feel when I get it? less stressed, guilty    

4. So, what I REALLY want is... to feel less stressed    

5. Other ways i can get this... listen to music, phone a friend, sleep

- adapted from post by cnath

If you would like to check the original topic to see its replies or add one yourself, click here.

(Edited by cutie2 at 1:14 pm on Oct. 4, 2005)

Stand up for yourself  
It's funny how people who simply say "stand up for yourself" never, ever, tell you how to stand up for yourself. Even adults find it difficult to defend themselves against the onslaught of bullies, especially a serial bully.  

Victims of bullying don't know how to defend themselves verbally or physically  
Society, parents and schools do not teach children the skills of physical, psychological, emotional and verbal self-defence. This is because most adults don't know how to do this.  

Victims of bullying become too flustered to deflect bullies with humour  
Laughing at a mugger, rapist or paedophile will not deflect the actions of the mugger, rapist or paedophile. They might kill you for laughing at them though. A bully might kill you too, as in the case of Damilola Taylor. Bullies torment their prey for months, often years, and what appears like passiveness and fluster are more likely to be the outward signs of fear (of more violence), terror (of more violence), bewilderment (why me? [because you're available]), confusion (why don't the responsible adults fulfil their legal obligation of duty of care?) and trauma (cumulative psychiatric injury). Bullies are possessed of a verbal facility which is mistaken for intelligence but it's more about plausible lying, deception, cunning, superficial charm and a Teflon-like ability to evade accountability. Child bullies are adept at manipulating the perceptions of adults, especially the less capable adults and those adults with low emotional intelligence.  

Victims of bullying typically do not retaliate  
Children have it drummed into them from the moment they are born that they must not hit, punch, kick, bite, scratch, pull, push, poke or use any form of physical violence. Children are often punished - sometimes brutally and humiliatingly - for exhibiting any form of violent behaviour. Some adults then criticise children for not using violence when faced with a thug. Child targets of bullying also know (better than adults) that if they retaliate physically, the bully will feign victimhood (often with a convincing flood of tears) and the responsible adults will be fooled into believing that the target is the bully and the bully is the target. The (real) target is then punished by the adults whilst the bully looks on, enjoying every moment. Once the adults turn their backs, the bully starts on their target again. Targets are also people with high moral integrity, a well-developed sense of moral values, and a clear understanding of the need to resolve conflict with dialogue. This is how we teach children to behave and how society demands that children behave. We should therefore not be surprised when targets of bullying display their maturity by going to great lengths to resolve the violent acts committed towards them with dialogue rather than with fists or feet. Trying to resolving conflict with dialogue is a hallmark of integrity and strength of character. Bullying is a hallmark of lack of integrity and weakness of character.  

Bullying toughens you up  
Bullying is in the same league as harassment, discrimination, racism, violence, assault, stalking, physical abuse, sexual abuse, molestation and rape. It causes trauma and psychiatric injury and can, if untreated, cause a psychiatric injury of sufficient seriousness to blight a person for life, resulting in a lower standard of educational achievement, causing a poorer standard of health, preventing them realising their potential and thus being able to contribute less to society than would otherwise be the case - including paying less in taxes throughout their life. The symptoms of psychiatric injury caused by bullying are consistent with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  

Bullying is a rite of passage we all have to go through  
Some people claim that harassment, discrimination, racism, violence, assault, stalking, physical abuse, sexual abuse, molestation, rape and domestic violence are rites of passage but these are all unacceptable.  

Bullying is part of life, you've just got to accept it  
Harassment, discrimination, racism, violence, assault, stalking, physical abuse, sexual abuse, molestation, rape, domestic violence and murder are all part of life but these are all unacceptable.  

There's no law against bullying so it must be OK  
The fact that the law hasn't yet been updated to reflect the knowledge and needs of society is not an excuse. A socially unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable whether or not there's a law against it.  

People who get bullied are wimps  
People who are targeted by bullies are sensitive, respectful, honest, creative, have high emotional intelligence, a strong sense of fair play and high integrity with a low propensity to violence. Bullies (who lack such qualities) see these as vulnerabilities to be exploited. Sometimes, behind the stereotyped "victim", is a child with a higher-than-average level of emotional maturity and a capacity to communicate maturely with adults. I prefer the word "target" to indicate the deliberate and intentional choices that bullies make. The word "victim" allows the bullies' army of supporters, appeasers, apologists and deniers to tap into and stimulate other people's preconceived notions and prejudices of "victimhood".  

Only weak people are bullied  
Only the best are bullied. People who are targeted by bullies are sensitive, respectful, honest, creative, have high emotional intelligence, a strong sense of fair play and high integrity with a low propensity to violence. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy and have an obsessive compulsion to torment and destroy anyone who is better than they are - which is most of the population.  

Bullies prey on the weak  
This myth is popular in academic and some professional circles but the reality is that bullies target people for the following reasons:  
a) bullies select a victim who is physically less strong than they are, for bullies are always cowards  
b) bullies select victims who have a mature understanding of the need to resolve conflict with dialogue and who won't turn round and kick the bully  
c) bullies select victims who have a low propensity to violence - which is what parents and society instil in and demand of children  
d) targets of bullies go to enormous lengths to resolve conflict with dialogue not realising that bullies are too disordered, dysfunctional, aggressive and immature to respond to dialogue  
e) targets of bullying go to enormous lengths to resolve the conflict with dialogue often without the assistance of adults and sometimes in spite of the adults who by their failures and inactions condone the bullying (bullies are adept at manipulating the perceptions of adults, especially those adults who lack knowledge, experience, wisdom and emotional maturity)  
f) bullies are weak people - normal healthy people don't need to bully  
g) bullies are dysfunctional, disordered, aggressive and emotionally retarded which they reveal by their compulsive need to bully  
h) bullies are irresponsible people who refuse to accept personal responsibility for their behaviour and the effect of their behaviour on other people  
i) bullies prey on people with a kind heart  

Bullies are psychologically strong  
Bullies are weak, disordered, dysfunctional and emotionally immature as evidenced by their need to bully. Bullies compensate for their weakness with aggression. What some people mistakenly see as "psychological strength" is really an aggressive determination to violate other people/'s boundaries with no respect, no consideration of others, no thought of consequence, and an endless fund of specious excuses and rationalisations for their aggression. A rationalisation is an attempt for put a socially acceptable face on a socially unacceptable behaviour. Many adults are taken in by this deception and manipulation.  

Victims are unlikeable  
Whilst it may be that in a small number of extreme cases the person targeted may have some allegedly undesirable characteristic, this is not a justification for committing violence against that person. Studies repeatedly show that 50-75% of children are bullied at school so the claim that up to three quarters of the population are "unlikeable" is self-evidently absurd. It is always bullies who are unlikeable, and it may be that people who make this claim are using projection.  

Victims lack social skills  
It is bullies who lack social skills and who are emotionally immature. Only emotionally retarded people who lack social skills need to bully; no-one else needs to.  

Victims blame themselves for their problems  
Bullies control those they target by using disempowerment and by stimulating artificially high levels of fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt. This is true of all abusers whether they are school bullies, sexual harassers, violent partners committing domestic violence, or pedophiles. It is also standard psychopathic behaviour to reflect every attempt at accountability back onto the accuser and to plausibly portray their victim as the guilty party.  

Victims are afraid to go to school  
This is a correct observation, but is a consequence, not a pre-existing condition. Most targets of bullying like to study but are prevented from doing so by the thuggery of bullies who enjoy causing harm to others. When a child is forced to attend school (under threat of sanction and prosecution of parents if they don't), and is forced to endure violent assault, intimidation and threat on a daily basis whilst the responsible adults repeatedly fail in their duty of care, it's hardly surprising that fear enters the equation. A child's self-protective instinct is often wrongly diagnosed as school phobia - a diagnosis which is incorrect, offensive, and tantamount to professional misconduct and collusion with the bullying.  

Everyone is capable of bullying  
Bullies love to hear this justification as it minimises their aggression and disingenuously makes their behaviour appear on a par with normal behaviour. The claim that "everyone is capable of bullying" is as accurate as saying "everyone is capable of rape" or "everyone is capable of pedophile behaviour" and "everyone is capable of murder". The difference is that whilst anyone is theoretically capable of any crime, the vast majority choose to not commit these crimes, whereas bullies choose to bully on a daily basis, and when held accountable, bullies choose to deny or justify or rationalise their bullying. A rationalisation is an attempt to put a socially-acceptable face on a socially-unacceptable behaviour.  

Children who are bullied grow up to be tougher people  
Bullying is a form of violence which is designed to cause the maximum physical, psychological and emotional injury. If a leg or arm is shattered it does not become "tougher" but is likely to be damaged throughout life. It's the same with a psychiatric injury. "I feel the people I bullied grew up tougher" is a specious rationalisation by which bullies justify and excuse their actions and convince themselves of the acceptability of their thuggery by abdicating personal responsibility for their violent behaviour and the consequences of their actions on others.  

Bullies are tough people  
Bullies are weak, cowardly and inadequate people who cannot interact in a mature professional manner and have to resort to psychological violence (and, with child bullies, physical violence) to get their way. Only weak people need to bully.  

Violence on TV makes children violent  
A lot of people watch violence on TV but only a handful of people are violent. Therefore, TV violence is not a cause, otherwise everybody who watched TV violence would be violent, which they are not. Claims and calls to ban violence on TV make a good soap box for gaining attention for the person making the claim but it won't solve the problem. If you ban TV violence, violent people will still commit violence; all that will happen is that they will modify their chosen expression of violence. It should be noted though that repeatedly watching scenes of violence can desensitise people, especially young people in their formative years.  

Playing violent video games makes children violent  
A lot of kids play violent video games but only a handful of children are violent. Therefore, violent video games are not a cause, otherwise everybody who played violent video games would be violent, which they are not. Claims and calls to ban violent video games make a good soap box for gaining attention for the person making the claim but it won't solve the problem. If you ban violent video games, violent children will still be violent; all that will happen is that they will modify their chosen expression of violence. It should be noted though that repeatedly interacting with violent games can desensitise young people, ie those at whom video games are targeted.  

We operate a no blame approach here  
This needs to be implemented carefully. In some cases, mainly the less serious ones, the bully can be turned into a buddy or protector; in other cases though, it would be like pairing a woman with her rapist or a child with a paedophile. The bully must always be held accountable, which is distinct from punishment. Those bullies who then continue to bully will need to be monitored and subjected to escalating sanction, including, ultimately, exclusion and punishment through legal remedy. This is the way that society has adopted to deal with offenders. The no-blame approach seems to be most popular with those adults who know the least about the psychology and dynamics of bullying. Child bullies are adept at manipulating weak or inexperienced adults and know that with such people "no blame" equates to "no accountability". When the no-blame approach is implemented inappropriately it can be like delivering an abused child into the custody of a paedophile. [More]  

We follow the academic model of classifying victims of bullying as passive victims, provocative victims, colluding victims, and false victims  
This model uses only negative terms to describe "victims", thus perpetuating the false stereotypes of victims somehow deserving to be bullied. The mindset that believes this is the same mindset that believes that women who are raped must somehow be responsible for inviting the rape, and children who are sexually abused also share responsibility for the abuse. The four categories identify only a tiny proportion of cases (probably around 1%) whilst ignoring the most common reason for being picked on: availability. The four categories represent only the most extreme cases which make newspaper headlines, on which this type of research seems to be based. Studies repeatedly reveal that up to 75% of children suffer bullying at school. Are three-quarters of the population passive, provocative, colluding or false? I think not. Bullies are physically violent, mentally violent, psychologically violent and emotionally violent, and always pick on children who are physically smaller or less strong than themselves, who have integrity, who are respectful, who are non-violent and who will go to enormous lengths to resolve conflict with dialogue but who are unaware that this approach does not work with bullies.  

Children who are bullied are passive  
Bullies target children who are calm, dignified, responsible and respectful, communicate easily with adults, and have a level of emotional development which is years ahead of the bully (whose level of emotional development is nearer that of a 5-year-old - or less). Targets of bullying are also non-violent, have a very low propensity to violence, and prefer to resolve conflict with dialogue. Bullies are driven by a seething inner resentment which is expressed through jealousy and envy. Bullies target children who have a higher-than-average emotional intelligence and who have high moral integrity which they're unwilling to compromise. Society, including parents and education systems, prefer children who are compliant, ie obedient, deferential, non-aggressive and quiet. This is regarded as "good behaviour" and thus indicative of a "good child" who is rewarded with approval. Children who are boisterous, ask lots of questions and who are reluctant to comply with the rules of the prevailing environment (regardless of how appropriate they are) are labelled aggressive, disruptive and defiant; this is regarded as "bad behaviour" and thus indicative of a "bad child". When a "good child" is bullied, he or she is suddenly labelled "sensitive", "passive", "timid", "meek" or "wimp". Those behaviours which formerly brought approbation are suddenly misappropriated to revile the child for their unwillingness to use violence in the face of aggression. This is especially apparent in those cases where the responsible adults are failing to fulfil their legal responsibilities for duty of care towards the child who is being bullied.  

Children who are bullied are shy loners  
Children who are bullied are often self-reliant and independent. Their level of emotional development is such that they don't need to join gangs, form cliques, wear the "in" clothes, sport the latest gadgets, or indulge in classroom politics. The bully works hard to separate, exclude and isolate those they target, usually by threatening their victim's friends with violence.  

You're too sensitive  
Sensitivity is often wrongly given a negative connotation. Sensitivity is a mixture of dignity, respect, care, thoughtfulness, tolerance, dislike of violence, empathy, care and consideration for others. Anyone who is not sensitive is insensitive. Bullies are insensitive.  

You shouldn't sue for bullying because it prolongs victimhood  
Bullying is in the same league as domestic violence, sexual harassment, rape and paedophilia. Many child bullies go on to commit at least one of these offences as well as other antisocial acts. Scandinavian research shows that 60% of school bullies will have a criminal record by the age of 24. Prosecuting the perpetrators and holding accountable those who have failed in their duty of care is very different to "prolonging victimhood". Many people (especially those who are emotionally immature or failing in their duty of care) become defensive and aggressive when faced with the "A" word: accountability. Whilst there will always be a few people who abuse the law of tort for personal gain, it is disingenuous to confuse this small minority (who may themselves be bullies feigning victimhood) with the majority of genuine cases. "Victimhood" should never be used as a smokescreen for abdication and denial of responsibility and evasion of accountability.  

Bullies and victims are connected to each other, they are two sides of the same coin. We can think of bullying as a friendship that can't find a way to work.  
Bullying is never "friendship" - bullying is a form of thuggery that results in long-lasting psychological injury, and sometimes suicide. Research from Warwick University (and elsewhere) shows bullying causes PTSD. At least 16 children commit suicide in the UK each year because of bullying which the responsible adults are failing to deal with. 6 out of 10 bullies gain a criminal record by the age of 24. To say that "bullying is a friendship that can't find a way to work" is to equivalent to suggesting that "domestic violence is a friendship that can't find a way to work" and "rape is a friendship that can't find a way to work" and "paedophilia is a friendship that can't find a way to work".  

Bullies are popular children  
Bullies are often surrounded by other children, not through popularity but through fear. The bully is rarely able to sustain a friendship (which is based on trust, dependability, loyalty and mutual respect) but instead forms alliances which are part of their strategy for power and control. A hard look at the bully and his or her cohorts will reveal a gang or clique mentality in which true friendship is absent. Some children side with the bully because they gain sufficient bravado to act like bullies themselves - which they are too weak and inadequate to do without the bully - but most children side with the bully for fear of otherwise becoming a target - a fear that is nearly always justified. Those children who do not join the gang or clique are then targeted by the bullies who gain power from numbers.  

Bullies have high self-esteem  
People with high self-esteem manifest their high self-esteem in enjoying only positive interactions with others. Bullies have only negative interactions with others; negative interactions are a hallmark of low self-esteem and emotional immaturity. The claim that bullies have high self-esteem seems to be a misperception (viewed from a distance) of arrogance, certitude, self-assuredness, invulnerability, untouchability, rule through fear, narcissism etc.  

Bullies are tough people and we need tough people to run society  
At least six out of ten bullies go on to become criminals. There's much anecdotal evidence to suggest that children who bully at school and who get away with it go on to be bullies in the workplace; bullying at work costs industry and taxpayers billions of pounds every year.  

You'll never get rid of bullying so let's concentrate on teaching victims how to assert themselves  
It is sensible to teach everybody strategies of self-defence, however, this must not be used as a smokescreen for encouraging bullies by failing to hold them accountable. Any anti-bullying scheme which omits accountability for the bullies is likely to have only limited success, and often no long-term success. It's likely we'll never completely get rid of harassment, discrimination, racism, abuse, molestation, paedophilia etc but we must never give up trying. Problems like bullying are solved by identifying and dealing with the cause, not by trying to hide, suppress or reduce the effects. Unfortunately, many people - and especially the responsible adults who are abdicating and denying their legal obligations - like to focus exclusively on the targets of bullying, thus distracting attention away from the source of the problem.  

Source- http://www.bullyonline.org/schoolbully/myths.htm

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(Edited by katyduck at 2:08 pm on April 15, 2006)

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"God kissed her on the cheek and there she was."

Thought I would post some stuff I know on self-harm. Some of the information I got from a booklet that was given to me and some is from my own experience.
When you injure yourself, on purpose or by accident, your body releases endorphins which make you feel good. That's why people cut, burn, hit themselves, etc. It can also make self-harming addictive.

People who self-harm are sometimes trying to avoid painful feelings. It may help you to try to work out what feelings you experience that cause you distress. You could do this by writing your feelings down in a journal/diary or anywhere else.

Here are some things you could do when you feel like self-harming:
Leave the house
Put on loud music
Ring a friend and talk about something else
Draw
Write a story or some poetry

When you feel like cutting or hurting yourself you could:
Snap a rubber band on your wrist
Paint yourself with red paint
Draw on yourself with a red tipped pen or lipstick
Draw on the areas you want to cut with ice you have made by putting a few drops of red food colour into the tray
Break sticks
Hit a punching bag or pillow
Take a very cold bath
Flatten some cans
Hold ice in your hand until it hurts
Rip up an old newspaper or magazine
Go for a walk, run or to the gym

When you feel depressed or sad you could:
Get a funny video
Curl up on the couch with a hot chocolate and a book
Take a relaxing bath
Talk to a friend
Light some incense or candles

When you feel like you are out of your body you could:
Slowly drink a very cold glass of water
Bite on something strongly flacoured like chilli or lemon
Splash your face with very cold water
Take a cold shower
Stomp your feet on the ground
Squeeze ice until it hurts
Rub some eucalyptus oil under your nose

Here are some more ideas you could try:
Massage your feet
Read
Play chess
Count to 10
Yoga or meditation
Listen to relaxing music
Lift weights
Ask the hairdresser or a friend to massage your scalp
Do a jigsaw puzzle
Do a crossword puzzle
Watch a video or DVD

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When you feel like self-harming go to a place where you feel safe. The safer you feel, the less likely you are to harm youself.

Possible Safe Places:
Your home
The movies
At the shops
The park
In your car
In a cafe
At a friends home
Community centre
Anywhere else you can think of

Think of anybody who you feel safe to be with. Maybe you could talk to this person or even stay with them for a while. Have a list of safe people you could contact readily available, for when you may need them.

Possible Safe People:
A parent
A boyfriend
A girlfriend
A brother
A sister
A friend
A neighbour
A priest, pastor, nun or spiritual teacher
A self-help group/ support group
A helpline
A teacher
A school councillor
Someone at work
A pet
Someone else you can think of

You have now identified where you feel safe and who you feel safe with. Next time you consider harming youself, consider spending time in your safe place and being with someone you feel safe with.

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Care After Self-Harm

If self-harm has become a part of your life and you're not ready to stop, it is important that you:

• Keep yourself safe
  
• Take control of your self-harm and don't let it control you
  
• Use basic first aid and look after yourself
  
• If you are cutting yourself, use something clean and sterile
  
• Never share cutting tools with anyone else
  

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Post edited at 5:43 am on July 7, 2009 by cutie2

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"God kissed her on the cheek and there she was."

There is an innate awkwardness to being human. With each decision we make, there is the potential for self-doubt and it is this-self doubt that forms the root of insecurity-a complex emotion that is a mix of equal parts inadequacy, isolation, fear, and hopelessness. Yet these feelings of insecurity that prevent us from fulfilling our potential by inducing us to abide by arbitrary self-limitations are nothing more than erroneous perceptions. We feel unconfident and unsure of ourselves because we judge ourselves to be so. Banishing insecurity is often simply a matter of challenging ourselves in order to prove that we are indeed intelligent and able.  

When we feel insecure, we not only perceive ourselves as incapable of meeting life's challenges but also fraudulent and unworthy of true happiness. We move through life plagued by a sense that others have judged us and found that we are lacking. As a result, we are robbed of our personal power and rendered unable to feel positive about the choices we make. Everyone feels insecure from time to time because each of us is born into the world with unique strengths. If you should find yourself with feelings of insecurity, however, endeavor to understand its source. Perhaps you were repeatedly berated as a child or seldom receive positive reinforcement in the present. A tendency to withdraw from risk or uncomfortable situations can amplify feelings of insecurity. When you have pinpointed the origin of your insecurity, focus on your abilities. The more you utilize your personal power-by taking risks, boldly facing challenges, and acting decisively-the stronger it will grow.  

Remember that insecurity is not objective. Rather, it is an emotional interpretation of your value unconsciously based on doubt, shame, and fear. As you overcome those underlying emotions through courageous action and copious self-love, you'll discover that you are capable of achieving more than you ever thought possible.  

http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2006/4254.html  

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(Edited by katyduck at 2:27 pm on Aug. 4, 2006)

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"God kissed her on the cheek and there she was."