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( flufnut )
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:( anwyone help?
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kendall716
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Now now, Greatescape; be nice to her, after all this is the serious forum. Anyway, moving along to the OP, I'm terribly sorry that you are dealing with potential loss. When someone has a medical problem it can be very heart-wrenching, especially when it is someone you love. It is very common to feel helpless and not be able to see the "light at the end of the tunnel" in a sense. When he broke up with you, did you sense that something was really wrong with you? Are you sure he isn't just making an excuse? It's a terrible thing but I have heard some horror stories of guys making extremely bad excuses to make themselves feel better for the break-up. Assuming he is telling the truth; do you want to still support him? Or do you feel hurt that he shut you out? Regardless of your feelings I think it would be good if you were still by his side. After all, this could be the last time in your life that you have to really be with him. Just let him know that it doesn't matter if he is sick or dying, but you want to be a part of his life until the end of it. Sometimes when a person you love shows concern; it gives you a reason to live. Give him some inscentive to hold on to. If it's 100% sure that he is going to pass away, it might be good for you to start letting go right now. Go see him and tell him that you love him and you are sorry that this has happened. Don't let yourself get to attached though, because if he is for sure going to die you are really just hurting yourself in the end. How long did you know him? Did he say that it was really this serious? If you don't mind getting hurt in the end you could try to do some of these things to get his mind off of dying: Fun What does he enjoy to do? Is he well enough to do something he enjoys? Example: If he likes playing videogames and is coherent enough to be able to play them; maybe you could get it approved to bring him a video game console to distract him from his death sentence. Food All men like food. If he isn't to sick to eat, it would probably be a nice surprise for him if you brought his favorite snack, or his favorite food. (Provided that it isn't something artery-clogging.) After all, you did mention that it is something cardio-vascular. Something like McDonalds would be very hazardous to his condition. Relgion Is religion something in his life? If so, you could see if a preacher would like to go talk with him. It would probably put him at ease to hear about where he is going to end up, and what is going to happen to him. It's hard when you are unsure about something, especially death. I think that it would give him some peace to speak with the head of a church. Friends Friendship is valuable to everyone. If he is ready for people to know that he might not live for that much longer, perhaps a caravan up to the hospital would make him realized that he is important to everyone. He needs to be surrounded with love right now. Are you artistic? You could make a personalized card and have all of your friends sign it. This gives them something to hold onto. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. If you ever need anything, let me know.
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Antidisestablishmentarianism.
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amiee
Enlightened One
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Support Leader
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Firstly, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this right now. Knowing that a loved one is terminally ill is so incredibly difficult to deal with, and I really hope that you've got some good support going on where you are? People to talk to, should you ever need it? Whilst this must be truly difficult for your ex and his family, it's undoubtedly having an effect on you too, and I really think you'd benefit from having a few people there for you, just to help you get through this, yeah? It can feel horribly lonely, trying to deal with this and knowing that you might lose a loved one, so surrounding yourself with people who love and care about you can really help at times like this. As for what to do about his situation. Firstly, I'd just like to point out that your boyfriend broke up with you for, I would think, two reasons. Firstly, for you. I think it would be fair to assume that he doesn't want you seeing him getting ill, he doesn't want you to see him dying and I truly think that he IS trying to protect you from all this hurt. Combined with this, perhaps he's also trying to protect himself, too? I mean, it must have been a really, really difficult thing for him to not only find out that he doesn't have long to live, but to give up on the relationship in order to save you any hurt, and to possibly save himself the hurt of having to see you - the person he really love - see him dying, y'know? I'm not saying it was the right decision for him to break up with you, but I do just want to point out that you should perhaps try looking at things from his perspective. There's no right or wrong way of reacting in these situations, and I think he's just doing what he thinks is best, even though it's really hurt you in the process. Really though, you have two options. You can try and stick by him throughout this (and thus be there if there's any possible chance of survival), despite his original wishes. Or, you can respect what he initially wanted and keep your distance from him. Both options will both be painful for you, I completely understand this, but this time is generally going to be pretty hard for everyone involved. Would it be possible for you to arrange a meeting with him, to discuss a few things on your mind? If you're willing to be there with him right until the end, then I think it's important that you let him know this and have a good chat about it. Explain that either way - whatever you do - you'll still be hurting, and (if it's what you REALLY want) you'd rather be with him throughout this. However, he might not react the way you want and he might insist that you don't get back together. That's ok, though - it doesn't mean that you can't be there for him or that you can't offer your friendship and support. Also, I do think it's important that you try chatting with him. So that you know whether or not you can be in his live these last few months, or if he doesn't want you involved at all. You really need to know. I'd also warn that you be prepared though - if you do decide to try and offer your friendship and companionship throughout his last few months, it'll be incredibly difficult for you to see him dying. These things are always so very sad and painful, and you have to prepare yourself for that. Do you think you're strong enough to do that? I'm not saying that to be harsh or condescending, it's just something I honestly think you'll have to have a good think about. As for how to deal with all of this personally. Well, I won't even begin to pretend that it's easy. These months, and the months after he passes (if he does) are going to be difficult. Again, I do think it's SO important that you surround yourself with people who will comfort and care for you, and provide you with an ear if you need someone to chat or rant or cry to, yeah? Please, don't try to soldier on through this alone. Not when you don't have to. Share your feelings about his situation, talk about how you're feelings and don't keep any of it in, yeah? You don't have to put on a brave face all the time, and if you need a cuddle or a talk, or if you're feeling worried or scared, please find someone to talk to, yeah? Take care of yourself. If you ever need anything at all, feel free to PM me at any time. Post edited at 7:32 am on April 9, 2008 by amiee
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and i wanted to ride with Yuri Gagarin
as he circled all around my world
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