Going to a support group is a neat option for you.  It can really help you learn to love who you are.  But lets talk about how you feel about it.  Why do you hate yourself for it?  Do you feel you should change it?  Are you scared about what your parents may think?  If you're gay, how can you just change that?  You can't.  Are you wanting to go to a support group because you want to learn how to live with this status?  That would be the ideal reason to go to a support group.  And there's nothing wrong with this.  I understand that you don't want to go alone.  And thats fine.  You seem to be in a bit of bad luck regarding your friend and something always coming up.  Things will come together one day for you but make sure you're prepared.  And the problem with you being out and your parents knowing will be an issue.  But no one here can tell you to lie to them.  Thats wrong in itself.  A good option regarding that is  to do whatever it takes but still have a clean conscience.  If you feel comfortable not telling the truth and ends justify the means, then go for it.  But you seem to have some other options already in mind.  You could leave early.  Do you think you could call the group and see if thats possible?  Thats actually a pretty good option if it'll work.  You could wait till college.  Do you think you'll be ok in the mean time?  You do have alot more freedom once you go to college.  So if you would like to wait, go for it.  The options for you to take are all based on what you feel comfortable with.

Its ok if your parents do not know.  Many people wait till they move out to tell.  Mostly due to the circumstances.  But find a way to release this tension if it builds up in you.  Talk to your friends too.  Don't heavily rely on this support group because of the circumstances surrounding it.  But again, don't be ashamed of who you are.  There's nothing wrong with being gay.

Best wishes,

~jamesish~

Posted at 5:09 am on Oct. 11, 2008

I know this must be a really difficult situation for you to be in right now and I'm sorry that you are faced with such a difficult situation.  Many teenagers face problems that are similar to your own all the time and therefore, this kind of thing isn't uncommon.  Remember that you're never alone.  I know this all seems really confusing for you and I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.  I know that you will get through this and eventually, have everything straightened out.  I cannot really tell you exactly what to do as the decision is ultimately your own.  You seem like you're an intelligent person and therefore, I feel that you are more than capable of making an appropriate decision regarding your current situation.

I know it must be really hard for you to deal with this without letting your parents know.  I have a close friend who has just realised that he was gay.  Things have been really rough for him and he doesn't even want to think about telling his parents, friends or other family members because he knows that they will not accept him for who he is, which is a shame.  I understand that this isn't easy for you to deal with and I'm sorry for that.  No one should feel this way, especially at such a young age.  I know things seem really rough now but please try your best to be optimistic.  Know that things will eventually get better with the right attitude and perseverance.

I think it's really great that you want to a support group.  I think that would be really beneficial for you.  Good for you.  That's not something that is easy to do and therefore, you really should feel proud of yourself.  Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable lying to my parents because I would constantly be worried that they would find out.  No matter how convincing the lie may be or how much they would believe it, I don't think I could ever do it because I would be way too worried.  However, that's just my personal outlook on the situation.  I don't know how you feel about lying to your parents about this.  I really wouldn't recommend lying to them about studying at a friend's house not only because of the fear that they would find out but also because I bet you they would feel very hurt if they found out without you telling them.

Leaving the support group early is another thing that you could do, at least until you're old enough to stay out later.  I mean, even if you're not there for the entire meeting, you're still attending the group meetings which will help you a lot.  Eventually, you will be able to attend the whole meeting.  But for now, leaving early is a decent option for you considering the circumstances.  I also want to point out that you should feel very lucky that you have a friend that you can trust as much as you trust her.  I mean, it's not easy to talk to someone about this and it's fairly obvious that you trust this friend a lot.  Not everyone has a friend like that and therefore, you really should be grateful for that.

No one can make you tell anyone.  Believe me, I know it's something that is really difficult to deal with.  It's hard to deal with these types of situations especially when you know for a fact that your parents, friends and other family members will not approve and will judge you based on this.  That's not right.  If this is the case, then I am very sorry that you have to experience this.  Unfortunately, you cannot change people.  Be who you are and don't change for anyone, no matter what.  Everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way.  Don't try to be someone that you're not.  Be yourself and I'm sure everyone will like you for who you are.  If they don't, then they're not worth it.  It's simple.  The people who don't like you for who you are, are merely not worth your time.  I know that's easier said than done but please take this into consideration.

Remember, talking about these sorts of things helps a lot.  I know you want to discuss it in the support group but talking to other people will also help.  I know it may take some time but ultimately, you will have to tell people.  I hope everything works out for you in doing so.  Just be brave, confident and find that inner strength that we both know you have in order to come out and tell everyone.  Be strong and don't let any ignorant people get you down.  If you ever need anything at all or feel the need to discuss this further, feel free to message me any time as my inbox is always open.  I'm always happy to help.

Good luck and keep smiling.

Posted at 9:48 pm on Oct. 10, 2008