Although the Support Leaders who have posted before me have given excellent responses, I want to try and give you my personal opinion of the situation as well.  First off, I just want to say that I think you're a really good friend.  It seems like you care for your friend a lot and want the best for her.  I would feel the same way that you're feeling right now.  Being so young, you already have a lot on your plate and don't really need this added stress.  However, you have shown great maturity in trying to help your friend with her current situation with her boyfriend and that's truly something to be proud of.  Keep it up.

I also want to point out that because her boyfriend is eighteen years of age and she is fourteen, this relationship is considered illegal.  It really doesn't matter how mature she is or if her parents approve or anything like that.  It comes down to legality issues.  This relationship is considered illegal and therefore, should not exist.  Are they aware of that?  Does your friend's boyfriend have any idea as to how much trouble he can get in if someone finds out about this or if something happens?  He can get into a lot of trouble for dating a minor.  This is just not right and I would feel the same way you're feeling.  You have every right to react in the type of way that you're reacting because this situation is just not right.

Unfortunately, you're only fourteen and there's not much you can do about it, despite how much you may want to.  Honestly, even if you were both nineteen or twenty, there would still be very little that you can do about this.  Dealing with people who are blinded by love are really difficult to deal with.  It seems like your friend isn't really thinking straight right now.  I mean, aside from the legality issues, in my eyes the situation is just completely inappropriate from a social point of view.  As you grow up, four years isn't really that large of an age gap.  However, it is seen as a huge age gap at the age of fourteen and eighteen.  Doesn't she realise that?

I don't know what this guy is like and therefore, I really have no right to judge his character.  However, I have heard so many stories about older guys dating younger girls.  I've heard of so many older guys who date younger girls just to take advantage of them.  Seriously speaking, what kind of eighteen year old guy would want to date a fourteen year old girl?  I don't care how beautiful or how intelligent she may be.  I can't really see an eighteen year old guy genuinely wanting to be with a fourteen year old girl-let alone be engaged to one.  Do you see something wrong with this picture?  I know that you see something wrong but I don't think your friend does, which is understandable.  

Honestly, you really need to talk to your friend about this.  You need to take her aside and explain all of this to her.  Tell her that you are very worried about her and care about her a lot.  Therefore, you want the best for her.  Tell her exactly how you feel in regards to the current situation regarding her boyfriend.  I know you might not want to hurt her but you cannot sugar-coat the truth in order to make her hear what she wants to hear.  Nothing will get solved that way.  You need to be open and honest with her.  Be as blunt or as harsh as you need to be in order to get the message across.  Aside from the legal and social aspects of this situation, you also need to consider her safety.  What if he tried to rape her one day?  Ugh...

If she refuses to listen to you then you need to talk to someone else about this.  Have you tried talking to your parents about this?  I know it might be difficult to talk to your parents because you don't really want to *rat* on your friend.  However, if she ignores you, then you need to step in before the situation gets out of hand.  This relationship should not exist for so many different reasons and someone has to explain that to your friend.  If she will not listen to you, then maybe she'll listen to someone else.  This is why I am encouraging you to tell someone about this.  Why not talk to her parents about it?  Why not talk to a trusted teacher or guidance counselor about it?  Whatever you do, please tell someone.  I know you care about your friend and want the best for her.  If this is the case, then you really need to tell someone before things get out of control-even if she may be upset with you for doing so.

I hope I've helped.  If you ever need anything at all or feel the need to discuss this further, feel free to contact me any time as my inbox is always open.  We have spoken recently and therefore, you know that I'm always here if you ever need anything at all.  I really hope this works out for you and your friend.  I wish you both all the best.  Good luck.

Take care.

Posted at 10:39 pm on Oct. 10, 2008

The first impression I get is you really care for this girl.  That is obvious.  And shes not your best friend for no reason.  Its because you look out for each other.  So you have every right in the world to be concerned.  But the first thing to do is calm down.  You can't do anything tonight.  And what will worrying so much do for you?  I noticed that tomorrow you said she is going to tell you story.  Wait till then to really put your thoughts into action.  Thats after you actually know the whole story.  You can then really talk about it and tell her what you're feeling.  Yeah, thats right.  Tell her your feelings.  Because she is 14 and engaged I believe you when you say she is really wrapped up in love.  We all know how we felt when we were that age.  And sometimes words of wisdom can go a long way.  But remember to go about this the right way.  Don't jump at her and make her scared or angry.  Instead approach her in a more calm way.  Calm questions.  Do you know what you're doing?  Do you know what it means to be engaged?  Those sorts of questions.  And you could also suggest to her that she take things a bit slower.  Maybe in this situation the 18 year old was all behind this.  She might just be doing it to please him.  Try to cover all the bases with her.  But remember; Worrying now wont do a thing.  Wait till tomorrow and then try to talk to her after you know the whole story.

I'm always here if you want to discuss this further.

~jamesish~

Posted at 8:29 pm on Oct. 9, 2008

She is only 14, so it's not like she can run off tomorrow and make the big mistake of getting married at that age.  If they have been together for 6 months I can almost assume that her parents know about him, and will shortly know about this "engagment".  Chances are that they are going to put a stop to it very quickly, or do what I would personally do, and ignore it.  

Seeing as she is only 14, the chance of things working out are minimal.  If they do last long enough to be legally married, than chances are things are going to work out between them in the long run.  

If she hasn't told her parents, she isn't really engaged.  I wouldn't take this all too seriously, seeing as chances are things aren't going to work out.  Be there for her, support her, don't try to act like her parent.  Be supportive, but also be her conscious.

I hope I have helped

Glory

Posted at 8:10 pm on Oct. 9, 2008